Our Alternate Adventures in Lord of the Rings
by LadyAsfaloth
Summary: A parody of Faramir Lover 93's fanfiction of a similar title, done with permission of course. What happens when four friends randomly awake in Middle Earth? Hilarity, that's for sure! Rated T to be safe.
1. Intro

Erica's A/N: There's nothing at all wrong with Olivia (Faramir Lover 93)'s story, "Our Adventures in Middle Earth". In fact, I quite like it, and regret not writing my part of it as she had originally suggested. But one thought I had is that her story needs a little more…silliness. That's where this comes in, "Our Alternate Adventures in Middle Earth". It's still the same old story of a group of friends suddenly being dropped into our favorite fantastical land, only this time with crazy, stupid humor! I know it's more than a little cliche, but hey, it's all in the spirit of fun! That being said, all constructive crit on the writing is accepted, adhered, and appreciated!

The format of the story bounces between the four characters in order, and they correspond with each other in the same timelines (granted that I keep my head screwed on straight and don't mix things up). While there are four characters, all the writing is done by myself (Erica) and Hannah, as the other two didn't want to participate. Of course, this is written with permission to the original author, check out her story first!

Disclaimer: Everything Lord of the Rings related is owned by Tolkien, except a few replica swords, bows, necklaces, dresses, and action figures collected by three crazy fans.

Also, sorry if the editing of the page itself is a little wonky. I haven't uploaded here in three or four years...

Thanks for reading, anyways!

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><p>One bag of plain Ruffles? Check. One liter or Mountain Dew, non-diet? Check. Sea salt and vinegar Lays? Check. Oscar Meyer hot dogs with applesauce cups? Check. Looks like I had all the food ready for my awesome New Year's party tonight.<p>

Okay, so maybe "party" is a bit of a stretch. When most people associate four teenage girls celebrating on New Year's Eve, they think skimpy clothing, tequila shots, and hitting the clubs. Playing Lord of the Rings themed Monopoly, Dungeons & Dragons, Trivial Pursuit, Risk, and Checkers while watching the extended trilogy on Blu Ray probably wasn't high on the list of "Things to do for a crazy fun New Year's Eve" for the typical teenage girl.

I laughed. Hannah, Olivia, Sydney, and I never really had "normal" parties. Truth be told, I was actually quite surprised that Sydney agreed to join us for once. For the past six months, she had, almost purposefully, avoided our little get-togethers. Of the four of us, she was definitely the most "sane" (and I use that term lightly). Only through sheer will did Hannah and I finally convince her to watch Lord of the Rings with us last June. She had taken a liking to Frodo and the Hobbits – Why they appealed to her, I wasn't sure I wanted to know.

Smiling at my own thoughts, I loaded my arms full of our party hors d'oeuvres, and carefully navigated down the hallway into my room. I glanced at my totally geeky personalized Lord of the Rings wallclock as I set the food rations down. The hands read 11:37 am, just eight minutes before my guests were scheduled to arrive. Remembering we had agreed to wear costumes, I quickly rummaged through my closet and pulled out my Arwen Requiem dress (aka the dress she wears in RotK when she has the vision of her son). I slipped into the painstakingly homemade gown, gently clasped on my Evanstar necklace, and popped on my elf ears just as I heard a knock on the door.

The guests were none other than Hannah and Olivia. Hannah had on a dress I recognized from Halloween and the LotR Symphony we attended: A golden, flowing dress with a light green, chiffon skirt and flowers and ivy leaves sown onto the bodice. She, too, wore her elf ears, and had a silver elf charm necklace on. Olivia was also dressed for occasion, wearing a light blue cotton dress very reminiscent of the one Eowyn wore when she force fed Aragorn soup. I cautiously checked to make sure she wasn't also holding a cauldron of said stew.

"Hey, guys!" I warmly greeted, opening the door wide enough so they could get in, "Don't just stand there in the cold, come in!"

The three of us walked down the hallway to my room, where the two sisters dropped their sleepover supplies. Not long after came another knock on the door. I shuffled down the hallway, expecting to see a Sydney when I opened the door.

"Hey!" I welcomed with a smile. That grin quickly melted when I realized that it was not, in fact, Sydney standing on my doorway, but instead the mailman. He looked at me quizzically, while I choked on my words. I'm fairly sure a socially awkward penguin waddled by behind me in those seconds that felt like hours.

"Um…Have a nice day!" the poor mailman handed me a box, then scurried across my yard and up the stairs to his van, passing the real Sydney on the way. She shot me a confused look. I tried to nonchalantly shrug it off, but inside I was still feeling mortified.

"What was that all about?" Sydney asked when she reached my door.

"Nothing, just proving my social awkwardness to those who didn't yet know it existed," I laughed, ushering Sydney in and setting the box aside.

"Did something happen out there?" Hannah asked when Sydney and I entered my bedroom. "I could've sworn a penguin just walked by out there."

I made a dismissing motion with my hand, then tried to direct the conversation elsewhere. "How about a drinking game?" I suggested, hoisting up the liter of Mountain Dew. I was met with a chorus of "Yeah!"s. I tossed out four plastic cups, popped Fellowship of the Ring into my PS3, and grabbed the LotR Drinking Game Rule List.

It wasn't until 5:30 pm, halfway through The Two Towers, that Sydney threw in the flag and dropped out of the game.

"I don't think I could take another sip," she moaned, pushing away her almost empty glass of Mountain Dew. Her final tally was 9 cups.

Olivia bowed out next at 7:15 pm, just as Osgiliath was attacked by Nazgul. Now, it was on. Me vs. Hannah. Return of the King. Only one could survive.

Hannah ended up winning. I admitted defeat at 11:30 pm, when Aragorn led the troops to the Black Gates. Right then and there, I vowed that my New Year's Resolution was to not drink Mountain Dew for the entire 2012.

We watched the end of Dick Clark's New Year's Rockin' Eve, just as the ball dropped, then decided to go to bed. But of course, no sleepover is complete without a totally girly game of Truth or Dare. Not that it was a true match, really, since we played after we got into our sleeping bags and couldn't really perform any dares. Nonetheless, we still asked the obligatory question.

"Hannah," I asked, "Truth or dare?" Even though I knew which one she'd pick anyways, I still gave her both options.

"Truth," Hannah giggled expectedly.

"Hmm…" I thought of a question, "What would you do if you suddenly woke up in Middle Earth?"

"Marry Legolas," came her quick, easy answer. I laughed as she asked Olivia the same question.

"Well…" Olivia began, "I'd marry Faramir and adopt a bunch of hobbits. They're so cute!"

I scoffed. Hobbits…cute?

Olivia, in turn, asked Sydney the same thing.

"I'd live in the Shire and marry Frodo!" she replied without missing a beat, then turned the question back to me.

"Let's see…" I considered my options. "Well, the obvious answer in this series would seem to be 'Marry Aragorn!'. But see, you guys aren't taking this question in context. First off, what race would we be anyways? I couldn't marry Aragorn, since he loves Arwen, unless I actually was Arwen. And that's assuming he'd still like me. And what ages would we be? None of the Middle Earth bachelors in their right minds would marry someone ten times less than their age. Third, what time period is this? The first age? Second? Third? Fourth?..." I rambled on for a bit. "But to make this short, what would I do if I woke up in Middle Earth? Well, probably scream and faint." I waited to hear a response, but got none. To my dismay, my friends had already fallen asleep during my question analysis. I sighed, then, too, closed my eyes into the peaceful bliss of sleep, imagining just what it would be like to live in Middle Earth.


	2. Erica 1

Sunlight filtered into my room as I slowly awoke. _Odd, _I thought, _I recall shutting my blinds last night._ I glanced on the floor to see if any of my friends were awake yet. To my surprise, they weren't anywhere to be found. In fact, my floor even looked different. It was a pale, wood floor, much different than the tacky, off-white color of my carpet.

My bed felt different, too. I never remembered it being so comfy. A light blue, down comforter was sprawled across me. I whipped my head up to study my surroundings. I was inside an open walled room, made entirely out of wood, with intricate designs carved into the pillars holding the wood roof up. A few autumn leaves drifted inside with the wind. Okay, now this was definitely _not_ my bedroom.

I quickly threw my blanket off and stood up. Even my clothing was different! Instead of the purple Eeyore PJs I had gone to sleep in, I wore a dark blue, silk nightgown that reached all the way down to my ankles. If I hadn't known it before, I knew it now: Something was definitely wrong. I would _never_ wear a nightgown. Ever.

Spotting a vanity in the corner, I scrambled over and stared in the mirror. Arwen stared back at me. That was when I screamed, then fainted.

* * *

><p><em>Poke. Poke.<em>

"Do it again! I think it's working!"

_Nudge. Nudge._

"She's waking up!"

Something was prodding my side. With my eyes still shut, I attempted to swat the object away. I assumed those two voices I heard were my friends.

"Man, guys," I groggily opened my eyes and sat up, "I had the weirdest dream-" I stopped talking immediately when I saw two dark haired, blue eyed, identical elves looking down at me.

"Go on!" one of the elves urged.

"Yeah!" the other grinned, "I bet it was about that secret boyfriend of yours." He nudged me with his elbow, wearing a devious smirk.

"Haha, yeah, that, uh…" I stammered, still not fully sure what was going on. I quickly made a mental checklist of what I knew and could figure out in my head. I was Arwen, apparently, and I was in Rivendell. Or, rather, Imladris, as the Elves called it. The two elves who woke me up had to be Elladan and Elrohir, who else would tease me like older brothers and look exactly the same? They mentioned a "secret boyfriend" (who apparently wasn't so secret after all), implying that I had already met and fallen in love with Aragorn. That gave me a good time frame of roughly 67 years to figure out exactly what year I was in, and whether or not the second War of the Ring had begun.

The first elf (I still wasn't sure which was Elladan and which was Elrohir) looked at me, concerned. "Are you feeling alright?" he asked, "Usually you'd punch Elrohir for making that sort of comment, and we found you passed out on the floor." That must mean the one on my left was Elladan, and to my right was Elrohir.

"Hey, I'm not complaining about that!" Elrohir laughed.

I slowly stood up, holding my throbbing head. "Yeah, I'm fine, just feeling a little woozy this morning," I answered. Elladan didn't look convinced, but shrugged nonetheless.

"Anyways, Adar wanted to see you in the dining hall," he informed me, striding out with Elrohir at his heels.

I knew that Adar was Sindarin for father, meaning that Elrond wanted to see me. I walked over to my closet, scanning the beautiful dresses that hanged there for one I might recognize. I ended up choosing a lavender colored silk and velvet dress, one I knew had been made but didn't end up being used in the movie. Before I left, there was one thing I wanted to try.

I walked over to my balcony and gave a long, shrill whistle. Then, I waited in silence. After a minute, I sighed. Of course he wasn't coming, what was I thinking? It's not like he really-

The sudden sound of cracking wood, followed by a crash, caught my attention behind me. I whipped around to see exactly who I had called, sprawled out haphazardly on the floor, surrounded by broken planks. Directly above him loomed a newly formed hole in the ceiling.

"You called, Boss?" the black Pegasus meekly whinnied, standing and shaking the wood from his wings.

"Blackjack!" I shouted happily, running to him and throwing my arms around his neck.

"Nice to see you, too, Boss!" he neighed, clearly taken aback by the sudden affection. "You feelin' alright? Something seems different about you…"

"Not enough time to explain," I laughed. "Now come on. I have to have brunch with my father, and I'm definitely not going there alone!" I made my way out of my room and down a spiral staircase, Pegasus in tow. I entered a room with a long, wooden dining table. Elrond was nowhere to be found, but Elladan and Elrohir were already seated. I took the seat across from Elrohir.

Figwit immediately rushed out, placing a bowl of fruit salad in front of me, and a flake of alfalfa before Blackjack. It was almost as if he had been waiting in the shadows to deliver the food. Creepy.

He bowed, saying, "Milady" in farewell.

"Fruit salad," I commented.

"Yummy, yummy!" Blackjack neighed from behind me. Great, now I'd be humming that stupid Wiggles' song all day.

I tried my best to use manners I thought would fit an Elf Princess, but Elladan was still giving me an odd look. "Thêl vell, since when are you left handed?" he asked, perplexed.

I glanced down, and realized I had been eating using my usual dominant hand. Apparently, Arwen was right handed. "Haha, yeah," I awkwardly laughed, "I've been practicing… Figured it would be a good surprise while sword fighting an enemy. Just imagine, you're in the middle of a great fight, when your opponent thinks he's bested you! But you turn the tables, smiling, saying, 'I know something you don't…I'm not actually left handed'!" I chuckled at the reference I knew they wouldn't understand. Elladan just shrugged, while Elrohir looked as if he was actually considering the idea.

Trying to keep my composure, I switched my fork to my right hand. Stabbing a kiwi with my right hand seemed so much easier in my head. I awkwardly fumbled with my fork, and instead of the green fruit sticking to the utensil as it was supposed to, it instead somehow flew over my head when I tried to lift it up. Elladan, again, looked at me weirdly. It didn't matter, though, because at that same moment, Elrond approached the table and took his seat.

"Nice shades, Ada," I commented.

"What-oh," Elrond reached up and removed his Agent sunglasses, revealing his eyebrows of doom. I had to use all my restraint not to giggle. They were even more humorous in real life (if that's what you could call this) than on screen.

Suddenly, a large shadow fell upon the five of us. I immediately glanced up, and jumped backwards just in time to avoid being impaled by a large, sharp talon.

"Whoa, Nelly!" Blackjack neighed as I bumped into him.

"Gwaihir!" a voice shouted from atop the Giant Eagle on the table, "I told you to watch the landing!" Gandalf the Grey leaped down from his perch, and the great bird took flight again.

"Way to make an entrance," I muttered. I forgot that elves have much better hearing than humans as Elrohir laughed at my comment from across the room. He was swiftly silenced by an angry-eyebrowed look from Elrond.

The senior elf then stepped forward to greet the wizard. "Mithrandir, my friend, what brings you here? Atop the Lord of the Great Eagles, nonetheless!"

"I bring grave news, Lord Elrond," Gandalf panted, somehow winded from his ride, "The One Ring has been found. Aragorn escorts the Ring Bearer here from Bree as we speak, a hobbit by the name of Frodo Baggins."

"Bilbo's nephew," Elrond nodded gravely.

"But I fear others know of the Ring Bearer's location as well," Gandalf murmured. "The Dark Lord has sent out his servants. Nine riders, dressed in black. The Hobbit is in good hands with Aragorn, but I know they are outnumbered." The two left the room, discussing the dark news quietly.

* * *

><p>AN: Just a note on some references:

Blackjack is a Pegasus from the Percy Jackson series by Rick Riordan. When I do silly role-plays with my friends, I always bring along my favorite black Pegasus, so I decided to use him in this story too.

Everyone knows that Fruit Salad song, right? If not, consider yourself lucky. Once it gets stuck in your head, it stays.

The left handed thing is from The Princess Bride. While Inigo Montoya and the Man in Black are fighting, they bot start using their left hands. Inigo interrupts, however, revealing he's not left handed and giving him the advantage when switching to his right hand.

The sunglasses on Elrond comes from The Matrix, where Hugo Weaving played a villain who constantly wore sunglasses. And his eyebrows... Who doesn't laugh at them? They're amazing!

Thanks for reading!


	3. Hannah 1

When I woke up, I could tell that I wasn't in my bed at home.

That itself didn't particularly surprise me. I remembered partying (nerding out) at Erica's house last night, and falling asleep during her lengthy timeline lecture about Middle Earth. It wasn't the first time we'd heard it, and I was sure it wouldn't be the last.

I wasn't lying on the floor, like I always did when Erica, Olivia, Sydney, and I partied, either. I was on a soft feather mattress, under a heap of cream-colored blankets, with sunlight streaming in through a nearby window.

_Umm_… I sat up. Where were my friends?

A knock sounded on my door.

Jumping, I grabbed a nearby vase of flowers and leapt off my bed, sneaking across the room. I pressed myself against the wall so if someone came through the doorway, I would have no trouble knocking them on the head. I had appeared in a strange place, with none of my friends around, and suddenly a stranger starts knocking on my door? It was all very suspicious, and I wasn't going to go along without a fight!

Whoever it was groaned in a loud voice and opened the door. "What's taking you so long? It's time for breakfast, and we have a lot to do today!"

Not stopping to realize that this was probably not the kind of thing your normal kidnapper would say, I gave my best battle cry and brained the figure in the doorway over the head with my pot of flowers. It shattered, and the person collapsed onto the floor with a muffled 'oof'.

"That's what you get, you creep!" I stuck out my tongue and flipped the limp body off. It was then that I realized who the person was.

"Haldir?"

The person- sorry- _elf_ who was crumpled on the floor definitely looked the golden-haired warrior from Lorien. I wondered who it really was; probably some kid from school recruited by my friends to play a trick on me.

It certainly was an accurate trick. His hair was braided just right, and his ears were more real than any plastic pair I had ever seen. As I stared at them, I reached up to touch my own… and felt that they were just like Haldir's!

Heat racing, I raced over to a tall silver mirror in the corner of my room. The face that gazed back was the face of an elf, pointed ears and all! I had wavy, waist-length blonde hair and catlike green eyes, and a floor-length off-white nun nightdress.  
>I squeaked. This couldn't be a joke, could it? It was too elaborate! That could only mean that I was really in Middle Earth!<p>

"ARE YOU SERIOUS?" I screeched, ecstatically to the mirror. "I AM IN LOTHLORIEN?"

"Yes. You've lived here for the past 2,900 years, give or take a few decades," someone muttered matter-of-factly.

I whirled around. Standing over Haldir's body was a long-legged seal bay thoroughbred with big brown eyes, a thick scruffy mane, and a disdainful look (If a horse could be disdainful).

"Hunter! I'm so happy to see you!" I cried, throwing my arms around him.

"Hey! Hugs are drugs, and loving contact makes me ill!" My old friend snorted a puff of smoke out of his nostrils. "What's the deal with this nancer? Can I eat him?"

"No! Haldir is my fourth-favorite person in Lord of the Rings!" I scolded, letting go of him.

Haldir groaned, rubbing his head. "Hblgdrrrrrrrr…."

"How hard did you hit him?" Hunter asked, poking at his leg.

"Not too hard," I muttered, feeling a bit smug that my blow had left someone so stunned.

Haldir opened his eyes and smiled. It was the creepiest smile I had ever seen, and believe you me, I had seen my share of creepy smiles.

"I love smiling," he sang. "Smiling's my favorite!"

"Errr…" was my intelligent and witty answer.

Hunter jumped away as though Haldir had poked him with a big, pointy stick. "I think you knocked his brains loose!"

Haldir shook his head. "Hunter, what are you doing inside again? I told you not to let your pets inside the house!"

"Pet? Pet? I am no pet! I am a companion, by my own free will! I-"

"Does that mean you love me?" I interrupted, smirking sarcastically.

Hunter's withering glare shifted from Haldir to me, and back to Haldir. "Fine. I'm her pet."

"I love you too, big guy," I grinned.

"We need to go. I got all of Lothlorien's most eligible bachelors together and gave them enough wine to make them forget that you are that Mirkwood prince's girlfriend." Haldir gave us that creepy smile again. "Happy birthday, sister!"

"Birthday?" Sister? Girlfriend? "Why would you want to make them to forget that?"

"Yes. Your 2,789th birthday. Did you forget?" Haldir got to his feet. "If you got a crush on one of the Lorien woods, like you were supposed to, then you could dump the pansy prince, and… Are you buying this?"

I shook my head, raising an eyebrow.

"I forgot to get you a present." He hung his head.

"I appreciate the thought you put into giving to people you care about."

"You didn't tell me it was your birthday! I would have made you some nice, crispy faces tied to balloons! There's nothing more festive than an elf and her pet munching on two perfectly cooked faces," Hunter nickered.

"Eheh… It's the thought that counts," I muttered. "Don't worry about it."

"Come on, Mithrellas! I went through a lot of effort to get people to agree to be in the same room as you and Hunter! If we're late, they might leave!" Haldir whined.

"Ok, ok! Jeez!" Did he have to make it sound like Hunter was an infectious disease that would kill them if they came in social contact with it? Was he that bad?

Suddenly, Hunter blew a jet of fire at the window. It shattered, causing a small explosion of glass shards to rain down onto some poor elf who was walking past, whistling innocently.

"There was a ladybug on the window. I had absolutely no idea that there was someone out there!" He smirked.

Ok, so he was that bad. "Yes, of course. And while we're telling the truth, I just came from an alternate universe where horses don't talk and this world comes from a movie," I shot back.

Haldir gave me an odd look, and I heard the elf outside mumble something about demon horse and his crazy mistress.

"Ahem… Let's go already!" My apparent brother tried to lead me out of my room, but I refused to budge.

"Um, hello! I'm still wearing my PJs," I hissed.

"Mithrellas, you're wearing your nightclothes! You can't go prancing around in those!" Haldir scolded.

"Didn't I just say that?"

"Did you? I wasn't listening to anything you said after Hunter broke the window."

Rolling my eyes, I shut the door in his face, and then opened the wooden closet in the corner. A plethora of gowns were hanging there, all organized by color, so they made a rainbow of silky material. I had never really worn anything like these; they were much more elaborate than the green and gold one I wore at home was about a thousand times less complicated than the ones in the closet. I selected a leafy green gown, grimacing at all the laces and latches (How's that for alliteration?... not very impressive, I guess).

"Hunter, how would you like to help me with this?" I asked, hoping my horse was more familiar with the art of dressing than I was.

Hunter raised an eyebrow (Yes, I know horses don't have eyebrows). "You stick your front hooves through the sleeves, and your back hooves go into the skirt part."

"Gee, thanks for your advice. I don't think I could have figured that out on my own," I muttered.

Shaking my head, I wrestled with the dress until I had it more or less how it was supposed to be. My ever-supportive steed watched my struggle with amusement, occasionally making snarky comments and scoffing at my troubles.

Once it was as good as I could make it, I looked in front of the mirror, expecting my hair to be standing out in a mess of static, but it looked as soft as if I had just brushed it.

That was when I officially started to love being an elf.

Haldir was outside, leaning against a tree with a bored look on his face.

"Gosh, Haldir, what took you so long? I was waiting for you for ages," I complained loudly as I breezed past him. His face turned a funny shade of purple.

"_You_ were waiting for _me_?" he spluttered.

"Really, it's bad manners to keep a lady waiting."

"Wha-"

"I thought you were going to force me into social interaction! I can't believe I shaved my legs for this!" The phrase popped out of my mouth before I realized what it was.

Haldir shut his mouth and gave me that look that all guys get when women talk about shaving, bras, or anything like that. The socially awkward penguin waddled around in circles around us, which he ignored.

"THIS is why nobody likes you but that pompous Mirkwood prince and your crazy horse!"

"Aww, I love you too, big brother." I gave him my biggest, brightest smile.

He rolled his eyes. "Let's just get this over with before the wine wears off."

So, three hours later, Haldir, twelve other guys, and I were playing Truth or Dare. It was pretty disturbing, especially when I dared Saeros to spend the rest of the day in a pink cheetah-print dress.

After the last elf passed out from alcohol consumption, we started off for home… or rather, I dragged a barely coherent Haldir along with me.

"I like your friends," I started, which everyone knows translates to 'Why do you hang out with those idiots?'

Or at least, all females knew that.

"Like like?" Haldir poked, sounding like a gossipy high school freshman.

"I think you're missing something," Hunter whispered to him, because my sociopath horse was smarter than a 4,000- plus year old elf in these matters.

"Oh, uh… Do you want some pancakes?"

"Yes, Haldir," I snorted in the most sarcastic voice possible. "I would love some pancakes."

"Too bad, because we ran out of flour."

"What a shame."

"Let me give you a hint, buddy. Let it go," Hunter advised.

"I think that might be the best thing to do," Haldir muttered. "It's best not to provoke the insane…"


	4. Sydney 1

Something felt very wrong when I woke up the next morning. The first thing I noticed was that it was warm. Erica, even in the middle of winter, always kept her window cracked at night which resulted in a temperature of about 20 degrees. When I cracked my eyes open, the room around me was very nature-y. Last night, I fell asleep in a sleeping bag on the ground, but now I was in a small bed.

Whoa…Emphasis on the word "small". Everything around me seemed smaller. The desk, dresser, doors, and ceiling looked barely five feet tall. My mind whirled as I tried to figure out where I was… Panic began rising in my chest. What if I had been kidnapped?

I swung my legs out of bed, but froze when I saw my feet. They were _huge_! And hairy! And…gross. I stood up, ducking my head to avoid hitting the ceiling, but to my surprise, it didn't even come close. What kind of weird paradox was this?

Wait a minute… I remembered last night, we had joked about waking up in Middle Earth… I ran over to a mirror in the corner of the room, and my suspicions were confirmed. Returning my gaze from the mirror was a female hobbit, with blue eyes and light brown hair.

I wasn't quite sure what to make of this. I mean, hobbits were kinda… Well, I'll just say that I've never been much of an ourdoorsy person. I wondered when I'd wake up from all of this, and get back to my real life. Shrugging, I figured I'd make the best of the situation and go sightseeing or something.

There was a closet in the room, which I opened and flipped through. Brown, cotton dress. Brown, cotton dress. Beige, cotton dress. Brown, cotton dress. You know, I really never liked the color brown. But, I guess I'd have to for the day.

It wasn't until my stomach growled that I realized just how hungry I was. Still in my nightgown, I traipsed out to the kitchen and began rummaging through the cupboards. Did nothing come pre-prepared in Middle Earth? All I was able to find was some fresh fruit and vegetables, and some unidentifiable meats in the ice box.

Since I was far from a great cook, I grabbed an apple with a sigh and devoured it. That didn't do a thing to dent my hunger, though, so I ate another. And another. By the time I was finally feeling full, eleven apple cores sat piled in front of me. When they say hobbits like to eat, they weren't kidding! (Whoever "they" are).

I decided that I might as well see the sights while I was stuck in this parallel universe. Leaving the apple cores on a table, I walked over and hefted open the heavy, circular door. Even though I much prefer city life to the countryside, the sight that greeted me out my front door took my breath away. Lush, green fields met my eyes in all directions, and the landscaping around this place would've cost millions back home.

"Elanor?" the voice that sounded beside me caused me to jump in surprise. To my heart's delight, Frodo Baggins came strolling along the path that ran in front of my house.

"Elanor!" he cried again, with a smile on his face. He was looking in my direction, so I turned around to check if someone was behind me…Nope. Dumbfounded, I pointed to myself with a clueless gaze.

"Yes, you, silly!" Frodo laughed, walking up to my front door. Looking into those big, blue eyes always made my heart melt. "Elanor, why are you standing in your yard in your nightgown?"

Apparently I was Elanor, and knew Frodo. I glanced down, and low and behold, he was right. I was still in my nightgown! Aw geez… I'm pretty sure my face was red as a cherry by now, but Frodo didn't seem to mind.

"Are we still going on our picnic today, or are you not feeling well?" the blue eyed hobbit asked. Oh, there was no way I was missing this! A day alone with Frodo, in the beautiful Shire! I could get used to nature for this.

Well, maybe.

"Sure," I answered, "Let me just, go…change, or something." I ran back into the house and pulled out a brown dress from my closet. Getting this thing on would be another story, though. How the heck did people lace into these by themselves?

After forty minutes of tugging, I eventually gave up and threw my nightgown back on.

Frodo glanced up once I walked out into my yard, and laughed again. "I'm afraid your wardrobe malfunction has caused me to be late," he sighed, "I have to go set up Bilbo's party, our picnic will have to wait until another day. You'll be at the party, won't you?"

"Of course!" I answered quickly, despite the fact that I hadn't been invited and wasn't exactly sure where in Hobbiton the party was.

"Great!" Frodo smiled. "Perhaps you might want to change, though?" He laughed as he walked down the road, away from my hobbit hole, while I stood rooted in embarrassment. Time to trudge back in and wrestle with a dress, I suppose.

* * *

><p>It was easier than I expected to find Bilbo's party. All the roads in Hobbiton led past the Green Dragon, and from there, the long expected party was easily sighted. I had finally laced up into one of the brown dresses in the closet, but I still felt very self-conscious as I walked to the party.<p>

Apparently, there was need to be. As I scanned the party-goers, looking for someone who might be my friend, Rosie walked up to me. She looked concerned, yet trying not to laugh at the same time.

"Elanor," she began, "Why are you wearing your dress backwards?"

I stomped angrily on the ground, similar to a two-year-old throwing a fit. "Because I can't figure out how to do these laces, dangit!"

Rosie smiled. "Well, it's certainly a unique style," she glanced over her shoulder. "Quick, we're missing the dance!" Grabbing my elbow, she pulled me into the throng of hobbits dancing to the band.

Yes! Dancing, I excelled at this! Erica had once made a comment on my dancing, what did she say? Something about a frog, or a fish… To be honest, I wasn't sure what she meant, but I'm sure it was a compliment. Not to brag or anything, but I knew how to throw out the dance moves onto the floor.

Weaving myself into the horde, I started busting my best moves: The twist, the scuba, hopping up and down, even that dance where you held the back of your head and held up one knee while twisting in a circle. I must've been doing well, because everyone around me left, leaving a large, empty circle on the dance floor. All the other hobbits stood on the sidelines watching me, but I was too in the groove to hear what they were saying.

I was only stopped by the sound of a large _pop_ in the sky. Glancing up, I spied a dragon-shaped firework swooping down upon the hobbits. I ducked just in time to miss its fiery jaws. Whew. Okay, time for more dancing-

"Speech, Bilbo! Speech!" came the cries. Disappointed that dance time was over, I took a seat next to Rosie and listened to Bilbo struggle with grammar. After a while, he put on the ring and suddenly disappeared!

Several hobbits gasped in surprise, awed or frightened of the old hobbit's trick. Eventually, they dispersed back to their holes, and I followed suit. Or, I tried, that is. It's amazing how each hobbit could find their own home, when each and every one looked exactly the same! I hanged back, watching what houses the others entered before I attempted one that hadn't seemingly been occupied.

I tugged at the green, circular door, again and again. Yet the stubborn thing wouldn't budge an inch. Frustrated, I gave up, and sat down on the ground with a huff. I leaned back on the door with a sigh, and to my surprise, it swung right open. Wait…

I glanced up, and immediately smacked myself on the head. Why hadn't I looked at the large "Push" sign before pulling on the door for 15 minutes?

Entering the house, I definitely felt the heartache of homesickness. I didn't fit in in the Shire at all. Luckily, I knew I'd wake up soon and be situated right back in my sleeping bag on Erica's floor.

Right?

* * *

><p>AN: I realized that I uploaded these in the wrong order. The correct order is: Sydney, Erica, Hannah, Olivia. Since the stories eventually intertwine, it's definitely important to get that right. As a result, this is chronologically wrong. Frodo, in the chapter Erica 1, has already left Bree. But in Sydney 1 and 2, he's still in the Shire. I think I'm going to skip Sydney's second chapter, and go straight to the third, since it makes more sense in the timeline.

Ah, Sydney, Sydney, Sydney. Back when Hannah and I forced her to watch Lord of the Rings, she fell in love with Frodo and the Shirefolk. I'll admit, I don't like Hobbits myself, so this chapter was a little trickier to write. Sydney's also very much a city girl, and I mean that in the nicest way possible. She and nature just don't agree at all. And she's a big fan of popping colors, like electric blue, black, bright red, etc, I don't recall her EVER wearing brown (and I've known her for five years). I tried to portray the sense of feeling lost in her chapter, while still retaining some humor. Overall, I'm not very happy about it.

And just for the record, I told Sydney she dances like a fish out of water, which she didn't get wasn't exactly a compliment. She's not the brightest tool in the shed... In Freshman year, she asked me if Tibet was in the Gulf of Mexico. And just a month ago, she asked if Genghis Khan was a band...

Yet, we all still love her. Sad that she didn't want to write her own part, I think it's actually fun writing this!


	5. Olivia 1

A/N from Hannah: Warning! This will contain major Eowyn bashing! Sorry if you like her.

* * *

><p>I woke up to the sound of someone knocking on the door, shouting 'Wake up, Lady Eowyn!'<p>

That made me smile in my half-awake state. It was probably one of my friends playing a prank on me as revenge for sleeping in late. It wasn't until I opened my eyes and saw the curving ceiling and white walls that I realized something was off.

Bolting up in bed, I stared around. The architecture of the room reminded me of Rohan, but I dismissed the thought as ridiculous; after all, Rohan was (sadly) only a set created by Peter Jackson and his designers (or something like that).

Whoever it was outside the door knocked again. "Breakfast is being served, Lady Eowyn!"

"I'll be there in a moment," I called, climbing out of bed, wearing a knee-length red nightgown with lacy black swirls and dark fishnet stockings.

"Uh…" That definitely wasn't the sort of thing I usually wore to bed.

I walked over to a mirror to see if my hair was ok (since it usually looked like a ball of frizz this early in the morning). I gasped when I saw myself. I had blonde hair, blue eyes, and a smear of freckles across my nose. I was Eowyn!

I sat down on the bed again. My brain refused to comprehend this. I was Eowyn? I pinched myself, and winced. No, apparently I wasn't dreaming. And my dreams were never this clear anyway, they were usually strange random images and events that didn't have anything to do with one another but made perfect sense in my dream world.

While contemplated things, I realized that I had been staring at the blank white wall for quite a while now. Hannah and Erica would have a cow if they knew that!

I decided that it might be a wise idea to put clothes on before I did anything else. Maybe this was all some kind of weird joke…

Opening the closet, I found a row of dresses, each of them more embarrassingly revealing than the next. On a small shelf, a collection of black, red, and pink leather whips were arrayed; several other pairs of fishnet stockings were hung with the gowns, and a huge assortment of boots (all with 4 inch heels, minimum), ranging from knee to thigh height, greeted me. Grimacing, I selected the most modest of the dresses- a blue cotton one- and put it on, deciding to use a ratty old pair of slippers instead of those other hideous shoes; I definitely didn't want to walk around in that night-whatever-it-was. It was a struggle to get the gown on, since it had fastenings in strange places; it took me a while to get it right… or at least, mostly right. Hopefully, nobody would notice.

What kind of person would have that kind of wardrobe? Certainly not the respectable, courageous niece of King Theoden!

Memories of Erica and Hannah teasing me about Eowyn being a hooker surfaced in my mind.

_Oh, boy_, I thought. _They were right._

When I opened the heavy bedroom door, the frizzy-haired maid who woke me up gasped.

"What on earth are you wearing? What did you do to your dress, my Lady?"

"I… err…."

"I understand completely! You're not used to having so much cloth, because most of your wardrobe is somewhat… smaller… than this dress. I must say, you look different in it!" She bustled me back into my room and re-fastened the incorrect lacings. "There you are! Beautiful!"

"Thanks." I wasn't sure if I should take her earlier words as a compliment or an insult.

"Breakfast is probably already started. You'd best hurry if you want any food before the men eat it all!" Taking me by the arm, she escorted me to the dining hall.

Right away, I recognized Eomer, Hama, and Gamling goofing around at a table. However, the person sitting next to them was more of a mystery. It took me a moment to realize that he was Theodred, since he had only had about three seconds of screentime in the movie (plus he had been dead).

Fortunately, there was food left when we hurried into the hall. Unfortunately, the 'food' had an appearance similar to something an old, gray, moth-eaten couch would barf into the bowl.

_Yuck,_ I thought, making a face at it as I took an empty seat next to Eomer. They all stared at me with open mouths.

"What?" I demanded after this continued for several minutes.

"You look… you look… you look… uh," Theodred stuttered.

"Normal," Eomer finished for him.

I scowled into my couch vomit porridge. "So? Don't I look normal every day?"

They all adopted poker faces and looked away.

Well, that answered _that_ question.

The prince cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Your brother and I were going to go for a ride after the meal. Would you like to come?"

"That sounds great!" I smiled at him gratefully, excited for the chance to meet Windfola.

Chatting amiably, we finished our breakfast- actually, the men finished their breakfast while I pushed mine around in the bowl, still not brave enough to taste it- then made our way out to the stables. A cacophony of whickers and neighs and "Who's that?"s sounded.

"Ooh, goody! It's Eomer! I get to go for a ride! Ride! Run! Buck!" A dappled grey horse tossed his mane, prancing in place. Firefoot?

"Jolly good, old fellows! Yes, quite," quipped a dark bay with a monocle over one eye, whom I recognized as Brego.

A shaggy chestnut flung her head around dramatically. "My mistress is looking her best/ Instead of her usual dress/ She ignored her past/ And adopted some class/ And now she looks not like a slu-"

"Windfola!" I cried, appalled. "Poetry?"

"Yep," Theodred muttered. "Really, really, really bad poetry.

"I do not have cotton for ears/ I hear your words loud and clear/ I think you're a jerk/ And I can't see a perk/ 'Cause I can't hit you from my stall!" She snorted. "A pox upon you/ And all of your crew!"

"I see what you mean," I groaned. This was going to get annoying…

Tacking the horse up was easy enough, because the equipment of the Rohirrim was similar to Western style; it was mounting in my dress that was the problem.

There were no mounting blocks in sight, and no handy ledges that could be used. I tried using the stirrups to haul myself up, but lost my balance and stumbled into a wall.

Windfola snickered. "Trouble has befallen my mistress/ I think it's because of her dress!"

"Shut up," I growled, thinking that if I stared at the saddle for long enough, maybe it would magically teleport me onto the horse.

No such luck. Well, it was worth a try.

"If your brain was more than a sock/ You would notice that mounting block!/ It's there on the floor/ Right next to that door."

"Oh," I facepalmed. "Was that there the whole time?"

"Of course, my dear/ You're quite crazy, I fear."

Resisting the urge to stuff my ears with cotton, I lead her to the block and mounted. "Victory!"

Theodred and Eomer were sighing in boredom when we finally made our appearance. I nudged Windfola into a brisk trot as we rode towards them, causing Firefoot to explode into a fit of excitement.

"We're going! Oh, we're finally doing something! RAAAAAAAH!"

"I say, good lady! Jolly good!" Brego nickered.

"There's something on your face/ It looks like pain!" Windfola laughed, breaking into a canter.

"That doesn't rhyme! And we're not in pain!" I yelled.

She was about to reply with some stinging (and rhyming) comment, but Firefoot's manic exclamations drowned her out.

The three of us cantered out of the city and into the plains, letting the horses have their heads and stretch their legs. Firefoot continued to express his ecstasy, Brego shouted 'Jolly good!' and 'Yes, quite!', and Windfola spewed poetry.

Eventually, the mounts with normal amounts of energy got tired, so we turned back at around lunchtime.

"Do you want to lead us back, Eowyn?" Eomer asked from on top of a prancing Firefoot.

"Uh… I, er…" I was completely lost, even though we had been going in a straight line the whole time.

"It seems we are lost for good/ Could it be we shall die in the woods?/ If this is the end/ Then at least we're with friends/ And we're walking in circles again and again and again and again!" Windfola cried.

"We're not in woods! And we're not lost for good! ," I growled, pointing in the direction that I sincerely hoped was correct.

Theodred gave me an odd look. "We _could_ go to Fangorn… or instead, we could return to Rohan."

I blushed. "I suppose that could work."

"Excellent. I'll go first, since you're… confused," Eomer offered turning Firefoot in a different direction.

"Shut up!" I shot him a glare, urging Windfola to follow him.

* * *

><p>AN from Erica: So, Hannah and I have this mutual dislike for Eowyn. Somewhere along the line, we came up with a joke a few months ago that she's a hooker. I don't know how, but it just kinda...stuck.

My dislike of Eowyn and love for Arwen often puts me in a disagreement with Olivia, who loves Eowyn and dislikes Arwen. All in good fun, of course :)

British Brego? Me gusta.


	6. Sydney 2

A/N: Remember when I said I was going to skip this chapter? Yeah, I lied. Or moreso was convinced not to skip it.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Frodo! Whatcha doin', Frodo? How's it goin', Frodo?"<p>

"Nothing's changed since you asked me two minutes ago," Frodo sighed. Since my arrival in Middle-earth a week ago, I had spent almost every waking moment with him. It was awesomesauce. He never seemed to tire of my company, either.

I still wasn't quite used to Hobbit life, but being around Frodo made it much easier. He had begun teaching me some basic cooking skills, and I even learned a little about gardening from hanging out with Sam.

For the first few days after Bilbo left, Frodo had been pretty upset. He had gradually gotten over it throughout the week, mostly while spending time with me, Sam, or the both of us. Somehow, I felt that Sam didn't like me. I can't imagine why…

Today, Frodo had invited me over to help straighten up Bag End. As if I needed to be invited, I would've shown up anyways. We were about halfway through our cleaning, just finishing in Bilbo's old office room.

"There!" I triumphantly shouted, holding up the final, rolled map in the room. For someone who wasn't a cartographer, that old Hobbit certainly seemed to have a lot of pointless maps. I went to place the scroll on top of the pile we'd made, but accidentally knocked them all over when I reached to set down the last one.

"Um…Oops…" I mumbled, looking down at my un-femininely hairy feet.

Frodo chuckled. "It's okay, Elanor. Accidents happen." He reached down and began piling the papers again, so I helped him.

In the corner of the room, I found an old chest. "What should we do with this thing?" I asked. It was kind of ugly, bulky, and took up a lot of space in the room.

"Let's go through it and take out stuff I won't need," he suggested. I popped the latch, and the first thing that caught my eye was a sealed, white envelope. I grabbed it as Frodo rummaged through the junk, occasionally tossing something out behind him or over his head.

My curiosity got the better of me. I tore open the seal, and peered inside the slip of paper. A shiny, golden ring met my eye.

"Ooh, pretty!" I took it out and examined it, delighted when I realized I could see my own reflection in it. On a whim, I slid it on to my finger. Immediately, I regretted that decision.

The world around me was dark, the color of blue ink. A harsh wind rippled my haphazardly-worn dress, pulling my hair back sharply. I heard a whisper, distant, menacing, and I could swear it was calling my name. As quickly as I could, I tore the ring off my finger and threw it back at the chest.

"Gyah!" I screeched once I was back in Bag End.

Frodo rushed up to my side. "Are you all right?" he asked, his big, blue eyes showing concern.

"Just…fine," I managed, gulping for air.

Frodo looked outside his window, and an urgent look came on his face. "I completely forgot, I have to go meet Sam and his Gaffer at The Green Dragon!" he ran for the door. "See you tomorrow, okay?"

Tomorrow…Ha, that's what he thought. But he didn't know about my brilliant plan! Rushing home, I grabbed just what I was looking for: My new stalker outfit. It was one of the most ingenious things I'd ever made, surely no one would see me as I followed my dearest Hobbit around Hobbiton.

* * *

><p>By the time I arrived at The Green Dragon, darkness had already fallen. Walking inside, I spotted Frodo running circles around a table that hoisted a dancing Merry and Pippin. Slipping into a dark corner, unnoticed, I donned my stalking outfit. I then scuttled closer to the table where Frodo, Sam, and some other Hobbits sat.<p>

"Hey…" I heard Sam say, "Did you guys notice that cardboard box earlier?"

"What box, Sam?" that was Frodo's voice.

"The one over there, with the eyeholes cut out that almost seem to be staring at us."

I shuffled backwards a bit, so I could still see them but was hidden behind another hobbit.

Frodo looked over again. "No, Sam, I don't see any boxes with eyeholes cut out of them."

The hobbit in front of me moved, revealing my location once again.

"There!" Sam shouted, pointing frantically in my direction. Before Frodo could look back, I moved, once again, out of eyesight.

Frodo glanced around. "Sam, are you feeling alright?" he asked. It was hard to refrain from laughing, but that would surely give away my discretion. "Maybe we ought to go home; I think you've had too much ale."

So the two left, saying a farewell to Rosie as they walked out. Quickly, I scuttled after them, still wearing my failsafe stalking device. I followed Frodo all the way to bag end, clumsily climbing the steps to his Hobbit hole. Luckily, he had left the door open wide enough for me to squeeze through with my outfit. I situated myself in a corner of his living room, just as Gandalf appeared in the kitchen.

The Hobbit and Wizard talked for a while about the ring, and great evil powers, and other boring stuff, eventually pulling Sam (literally) into the conversation. Gandalf informed Frodo and Sam that they were to leave the Shire, and so they did.

Which left me hiding in a cardboard box in Frodo's living room.

* * *

><p>AN 2: I hope you got that Sydney was hiding in a cardboard box... I didn't want to outright say it, because I felt subtly hinting it was funnier. Hm.

Now, this technically takes place before ANY of the other chapters, as does Sydney 1. So bear with me hear while the timeline goes wonky, because FL93 told me this was a really important chapter. And she's right, because I'm planning to copyright that cardboard box stalking device.

And a cartographer is someone who makes maps for a living.


	7. Erica 2

"Wumbo is _not_ a word!" I repeated, annoyed. I picked up the W Scrabble block and threw it back at Elladan. He, Elrohir, Blackjack, and I sat on the ground, surrounding a square Scrabble playing board. This was the fifth time that the twins had tried cheating, and I wasn't having any of it.

Elladan, however, insisted. "Sure it is! I wumbo, you wumbo, he/she/we wumbo, wumboing, wumbology, the study of wumbo! It's Hobbit knowledge, Arwen!"

I rolled my eyes, pulling out a Middle Earth dictionary. I never did get to look up that word, however, as I caught part of a distant conversation between Elrond and someone else. I could only hear bits and pieces of the discussion.

"…and Aragorn are nearing Weathertop…nine riders in Black…Dark Lord's servants…need you to ride out and meet them…" That was Elrond's voice.

"Certainly, Lord Elrond," another voice answered. They must've been getting closer, as I could hear them clearly now.

"May Earendil light your path, Glorfindel," Elrond dismissed.

Glorfindel! Elrond intended to send him out to find Aragorn and rescue the Hobbits, while I stayed at home hitting my brothers on their heads with a 1000 page dictionary. Yeah… I wasn't about to let that happen.

I opened the dictionary, and pointed to a term, pretending to look up Elladan's illegal word. "Alright, I concur," I said, putting on my sweetest voice, "you win, Tôr Vell." I quickly got up. "Unfortunately, I have matters I must attend to. Novaer!" I slipped out of the chamber, trusty Pegasus in tow.

"What was that all about? You _never_ let anyone else win!" Blackjack whinnied, confused, as he trotted after me on my mad dash to my room.

"We've got a hobbit to save!" I answered him upon reaching my room. I began flipping through my gowns, reaching a dove grey riding dress.

"You mean Frodo, right?" he clarified as I laced into my dress. Being that this was another replica outfit I had at home, changing into it was easier than I had originally thought.

I grabbed my sword belt, with Hadhafang attached in its sheath, and buckled it on before answering Blackjack. "Yes, Frodo. Yuck. Now enough with the Twenty Questions, let's go!" I vaulted lightly onto his back, without a saddle or bridle. "Harad-Annûn!" I instructed, and we took off flying into the midday sun.

* * *

><p>"That's the fourth time we've passed this moss covered rock!" I irritably shouted.<p>

"Well…At least it's a nice rock…" Blackjack pointed out, trying to lighten the mood. I hated to admit it, but we were definitely lost.

"Haha," I sarcastically forced out between gritted teeth. "Why can't I tap in to this 2000 year old Elven knowledge?"

"Or you could use a GPS…" the Pegasus suggested. That caused a lightbulb to bling in my head.

"Brilliant!" I reached into my pocket and fished out Alistair, my iPhone 4S. In my head, a heavenly light shone down on the device while a choir sang as I held it. I held down the square button, and my happy AI helper popped up.

"What can I help you with?" the little automated voice asked.

"EDI, get me directions to Weathertop," I instructed. Okay, her name was really Siri, but I fondly renamed her EDI. Not to be confused with Gilbert, the evil autocorrecting minion within my trusty phone.

"The weather for the week will be quite nice," EDI responded, pulling up a seven day forecast for the local area.

"No, EDI," I sighed, "Not the weather. I need directions to the Troll Statues."

"I've found this on eBay, maybe it would interest you?" the screen flashed to an auction for a troll statue. Okay, clearly this wasn't working. I instead opened my GPS app, complete with a Darth Vader instructing voice. I put in the address for the Troll Statues, and the GPS sprung to life.

"Head straight through the forest for 15 miles," Vader instructed. I spurred Blackjack, and we galloped in (hopefully) the right direction.

Within the hour, Blackjack and I came across Glorfindel, also traveling to save the hobbits. If he saw me, he'd surely report back to my father, and I'd probably be grounded for life. Which, considering that I was an elf, would be a _very _long time…

"Great," I sighed, "Any ideas on getting rid of those two?"

"Just one," came Blackjack's reply. He let out a friendly neigh, and Asfaloth (Well, I assumed it was Asfaloth, even though I couldn't clearly see him at this distance) returned the courtesy. Next, my trusty Pegasus bellowed an urgent, high pitched whinny. Asfaloth whinnied a short reply and snorted, followed by the sounds of hooves galloping off away from our destination.

"What was that?" I asked Blackie once the sound of hoofbeats died out and I was sure we were alone.

"Oh, nothing," Blackjack shook his mane. "I just warned him about the crazy giant spider swarms up ahead."

"Wait, what?" I shrieked, hastily pulling my legs up and hugging my knees to my chest. "You didn't mention these spiders before! I never asked for this!"

I felt the Pegasus sigh beneath me, his flanks rising and falling with a long breath. "Trust me, if there were spiders ahead, I'd be gone faster than you can say 'bushels of brand-new bouncing baby bunnies'!"

I contemplated his words as we continued our journey. "You know, I don't think I could say that without messing up at least three times." Blackjack laughed in response.

* * *

><p>It wasn't long until I caught sight of a campfire off in the distance. I instructed Blackjack to fly and perch himself on a tree near the camp, to get a better look of the campers. Luckily, the sun had just set, so spotting a pure black Pegasus in a tree would be a trick for anyone but an elf.<p>

Once we landed, I peered down at the group. Five hooded figures sat around a measly fire. One seemed to be cooking something over the pit.

"I can't believe it!" one wraith complained, "He burned my favorite cloak!"

The wraith next to him shook his head sadly. "It's a shame, especially since we won't get our paychecks to buy new clothes for months!"

"I know, man!" a third wraith slammed his gauntlet covered fist down onto the log he was seated on, "For being such a Dark Lord and all, he's an awful boss."

"Think we should protest?" the second wraith asked.

"Nah, we're so close now!" a fourth wraith shouted. "That Hobbit was almost toast, we would've had him and the ring on Weathertop if it wasn't for that Ranger guy. But they can't run forever." The wraith stood up on his log, looking down at his companions. "We can do this, guys. The Halfling will be dead before long, and then we can swoop in and take the ring for ourselves!" He thrust his fist into the air dramatically. "Who's with me?"

"Yeah!" the third wraith jumped up and cheered.

"Swooping is bad, though," the first wraith mumbled.

"I dunno, man…" the second wraith hesitated, "Look at what happened to Fred." He motioned to the first wraith. "I'd like to keep my evil cloak intact."

"You guys don't know what it's like! My evilness is down -5 points because of tattered clothing!" the first wraith, apparently Fred, wailed.

"Oh, quit your bellyaching, Fred!" the fourth wraith demanded. "I say we-"

"Dinner is served!" the fifth and final wraith interrupted. He presented five beautifully plated dishes. "I've made a braised duck leg on a bed of a potato latke, with a curry remoulade. Accompanying it is an arugula salad topped with a raspberry vinaigrette. Enjoy!"

The third wraith looked down at his plate in disdain. "What is this crap? We're evil servants of the Dark Lord, we should be feasting on the children of our enemies! Sometimes I wonder why you're even here, Dave."

The chef wraith, Dave, seemed hurt by that comment. "Just because I went to culinary school and not the University of Mordor doesn't give you any right to judge my evilness!" he bawled. Fred patted him on the back comfortingly.

"Why do I always feel like I'm surrounded by idiots?" the fourth wraith complained, too quiet for the others to hear. In a louder voice, he announced, "We're meeting up with the other four in a few days. For now, let's focus our efforts on capturing that ring!"

"We ought to find Aragorn and the hobbits before those guys do," I commented. Blackjack and I flew off into the night, towards the Troll Statues.

* * *

><p>"Look!" Blackjack pointed with his muzzle towards the huddled over shape of Aragorn. "I can't believe your GPS actually worked.<p>

"Never doubt Vader. Anyways, giddyup!" A flying Pegasus must be quieter than I thought, because the ranger didn't hear us until we touched down behind him. "Well would you look at that," I commented to Blackjack, "We really _did _catch a ranger off-guard!"

"Arwen? What are you doing out here?" Aragorn asked, clearly surprised.

"My father sent me…" I lied, hoping he wouldn't question it. Apparently, that answer was good enough, as he seemed to buy it. We hustled back to the troll statues, where Frodo was gasping on the ground. His skin was turning a pale green color, and he was drooling.

_Eww…. _I thought to myself. Trying to keep my composure, I dismounted and kneeled next to the green midget. Aragorn did the same, applying a salve to Frodo's chest. Again, I asked myself how Sydney could love this…thing.

I realized Aragorn was looking at me, waiting for my advice on the situation. I scanned through my brain, trying to think of something intelligent to say. "He needs healing!"

Yeah, that was smart. It's not like they didn't already know that or anything. "Um, what I mean is, he needs my _father's_ healing," I quickly corrected. I'm pretty sure if the situation wasn't so dire, everyone would've burst out laughing by now.

With a quick nod, Aragorn lifted the green hobbit and placed him on Blackjack's withers.

"Dude!" the Pegasus snorted, curling his upper lip, "That guy smells nasty!"

"It talks?" I heard the unmistakable Scottish accent of Pippin behind me screech.

I ignored him, while Blackie huffed indignantly. "There are five wraiths behind you," I informed Aragorn. "Frank is pretty upset that you burned his cloak, I'm pretty sure they'll come for revenge. I wouldn't worry so much about Dave, unless he offers you dinner or something." Aragorn glanced at me quizzically. I looked back innocently.

"Dartho guin Beriain. Rych le ad tolthathon," he instructed, reaching up as to mount my Pegasus.

I reached up and swatted his hand away from my ride. "Hon mabathon, Rochon ellint im," I argued.

Shaking his head, he rebutted, "Andelu i ven."

I gave him one of those 'Well DUH' looks, crossing my arms stubbornly. With a sigh, I tried reasoning with him. "Frodo fir. Ae athradon i hir, tur gwaith nûn beriatha hon. They're honestly not that scary, have you met them?"

"Be iest lîn," Aragorn sighed, his voice laced with concern. He placed his hand on top of mine, which was resting on Blackjack's withers. I knew it was supposed to be a loving gesture, but in my head I was _convinced_ boys still had cooties. And plus, anyone who knew the real me knew that I do **not **like to be touched.

"What are they saying?" Sam whispered behind me. I realized that Aragorn and I must've been speaking Sindarin. I was amazed; I hadn't even realized it! Looks like all that pointless Sindarin studying I did actually paid off.

Oh, crap. This was the point where I would, presumably, mount Blackjack and gallop off with a hobbit in front of me. There were two problems with this, however. One, I had ridden here bareback. Two, even with a saddle, I _sucked_ at the mounting part. While my friends in the real world found it amusing to see me hopping around with one foot stuck in the stirrup while my horse skirted the other way, I doubt these guys would in the current situation.

_Okay. I can do this, I can do this, I can- uph!_

So it wasn't graceful, but I somehow clambered on to Blackjack's back. Situating myself behind Frodo, I clapped my heels to my Pegasus' flanks, hollering, "Yeeeeehaw!" into the dawn as we galloped away.

* * *

><p>Riding with a hobbit proved to be trickier than I had originally planned. Sure, back in my own life, I'd ridden double plenty of times, even triple once when I was a kid. But usually, the other person on the horse was conscious, and not drooling and turning green. Not only was he a limp liability, he also stank, and would squeak or moan every few minutes. I had half a mind to dump him right then and there.<p>

I was pretty sure I would have, too, if not for the voices I suddenly heard behind me.

"Galloping like this always gives me such an evil feeling!"

"That's easy for you to say… You actually _have _a cloak that billows in the wind."

"Fred, enough about the stupid cloak!"

"Is it lunch time yet?"

I glanced over my shoulder, and saw the five Ringwraiths chasing behind me. Coming from my left, I spotted the remaining four veering to meet the other group.

"Blackjack! Think you can fly with both of us?" I urged, still looking back at the Nazgul.

"I dunno, Boss…" he hesitantly answered. "I can try, but chances are high we'd crash land somewhere before the river." I decided it was probably best just to gallop, so I urged him on. The Nazgul were quickly gaining ground, but I saw the river through the trees straight ahead.

We charged through the river and onto the other side, coming to a halt and turning to face the Nazgul. The nine-

Hey, wait a moment. Only eight Nazgul lined the western shore.

"Uh, guys?" I called out to them, "I think you're short one fearsome rider."

"Hey!" one of them protested, "Just because my cloak is half burned off doesn't make me any less fearsome!"

"Fred!" the rider next to him gave him a sharp elbow in the side. "I think she means one of us is missing."

The Ringwraith on the end, the same one who had given an inspirational speech earlier, did a quick headcount, and came to the same conclusion I had.

"Paul!" he called out. "Does anyone know where Paul is?" The seven other riders shook their heads or verbally replied.

"I'm down here!" came a cry from somewhere downriver. A single Nazgul stood about 100 feet away from the main group.

"Get back over here!" the leader commanded.

Paul turned his horse in a few circles, then headed off in the wrong direction, muttering, "All right. I'm coming, I'm coming."

"I'm given six idiots, a chef, a blind man, and Fred, yet Sauron expects me to regain his precious jewelry? Tch!" the Wraith's leader muttered, just loud enough for my elven ears to catch. "Carl!" he shouted at the rider on the end, "go fetch Paul before he ends up back in Fangorn!"

Carl escorted Paul back to the group, and eventually the nine wraiths were aligned on the riverbank.

"Where were we?" the leader asked. "Oh, right. Give us the Halfling, she-elf!" he screeched, putting on his evil voice again.

I drew my sword, a feeling of glee passing through me as I did so. I had an unexplained love for swords, probably why I had a collection of them at home. But I'm getting off topic here.

"If you want him," I taunted, "Come and claim him!"

The Ringwraiths drew their blades. Well, all except Dave, who held a whisk instead. They charged through the river, quickly advancing on me. I realized this was the part where I conjured up the river to suck them down, except… There weren't any subtitles in that part of the movie!

"Blackjack!" I shrieked, "What does Arwen say to make the water rise?"

"How should I know? I'm a Pegasus!" my somewhat useless at the moment steed answered. But I knew one other person who might know…

Quickly, I pulled my iPhone out of my pocket, opening up the "helpful" AI.

"What can I do for you today?" EDI's automated voice requested.

"EDI!" I shouted, "What does Arwen say in Fellowship of the Ring to cause the river to rise and defeat the Nazgul?"

"Certainly," EDI chimed cheerily, "Now playing: What Is Love – Haddaway."

"Wait, what?" I screeched as my iPhone began blaring out music. "That is NOT what I asked for!"

"_What is love? Baby don't hurt me! Don't hurt me! No more!"_ was the only answer I received. I was about to chuck the useless device into Bruinen when Blackjack's neigh halted me.

"Look!" he whinnied, pointing in front of me with his muzzle. All nine wraiths had halted their approach in the middle of the river, and were now bobbing their heads sideways to the beat of the music. Even their horses were head bobbing.

"Wow, it's true," I laughed, "No one can listen to this song without bobbing their heads!" Seizing the opportunity, the Pegasus and I flew off the short distance to Rivendell, leaving a few wraiths very disoriented.

Elrond's face was grave when I landed. I knew I'd face the consequences later, but for now, I really wanted that stinking hobbit away from me.

"He's been stabbed by a Morgul blade," I informed the angry-eyebrowed elf, handing him the 'bundle of joy'. Without a word, he took the Shireling and left Blackjack and I standing alone in the courtyard. It was only then that I realized just how tired I was, and trudged up to my room, with that annoying song still stuck in my head.

* * *

><p>AN: For the record, I now have "What Is Love" stuck in my head. Just a note for anyone confused:

"Wumbo" is not a real word. It's from an episode of Spongebob, where he steals Mermaid Man's belt and accidentally shrinks the entire town. Patrick's valuable logic to the situation is to set the belt to W, for Wumbo.

Anyone who has an iPhone is familiar with autocorrect and its horrors. I named my phone Alistair (a reference to Dragon Age: Origins) and Hannah named his evil conscience Gilbert. The iPhone 4S (which I lied about having, by the way. Mine's just a 4) has a Virtual Interface called Siri, where you speak to it and it does what you command. It isn't without its kinks, however, which is where some of the jokes come from. Renaming Siri "EDI" is a reference to Mass Effect 2.

Okay...Maaaaaybe I watch too much of the Food Channel... I didn't want to go through and name every single Wraith, but I did want to have a little fun with them. Their personalities are based off of a quiz found on the internet called "Which Nazgul are you?". It introduces some funky personalities to the wraiths, including a cook and a blind rider. Their names, too, are mini-references in their own. While Fred is just Fred, Dave is in honor of Dave the D&D player from the fabulous webcomic "DM of the Rings" (Read it if you haven't!). Paul and Carl are the llamas who star in "Llamas with Hats".

And the head bobbing thing? You sadden me if you don't know the song "What is Love", and it's head-bobbing rise to fame in the movie "Night at the Roxbury".


	8. Hannah 2

It was the breeze that woke me in the morning. At first, I thought it was from the window that was still broken from yesterday, but then I realized that natural wind didn't smell like burning flesh.

I opened my eyes. Hunter's whiskery muzzle was about a centimeter from my face. Blinking, I wrinkled my nose.

"I think you need a tic tac or twelve," I muttered.

"I wasn't about to wake you up by blowing nasty breath on you, or doing something equally unpleasant, I promise!" Hunter said, blowing nasty breath on me.

"Thanks, Hunter. There's nothing like waking up to the smell of freshly- eaten squirrel to make your morning exciting."

He shoved his nose closer to me and bared his teeth. "I prefer roasted bunny, actually."

"Get your face out of my face!" I growled, swinging a fist at the jerk.

Hunter dodged, spinning around neatly. "_Someone_ woke up on the wrong side of the bed, I see!"

"How did you get in here, anyways? You don't have thumbs! You can't open a door!"

"There is more than one way to open a door." His proud tone reminded me of _Like a Boss _guy.

I shook my head… and saw that my door had a horse-shaped hole through it.

"I'm not even going to ask," I groaned, getting up. Luckily, it was easier to get my gown on today (Instead of spending nearly an hour on it as I had the first day, fifteen minutes were nothing).

Haldir, Rumil, and Orophin were seated at the breakfast table with cups of steaming liquid on the table, heads down. It was pretty funny, the three sets of identically colored and styled hair resting by their drinks.

"Ooh, my poor brothers have little bitty headaches, hmmm?" I giggled. "Maybe they shouldn't have had so much happy juice last night!"

"Stop making so much noise," moaned a very hung over Haldir, while Rumil snored and Orophin drooled. While living with elves, I had learned that the really, _really_ liked their wine.

Suddenly, my phone started ringing.

Haldir fell off his chair in a very un-elf-like fashion and lay on the floor, twitching. "Make it stop!"

Rumil clapped his hands over his ears, keeping his eyes closed. "What is that?"

Orophin didn't react other than to make unintelligible protests.

Cell phone ringing? What? I hadn't even realized that my phone (which had somehow fallen into Middle Earth with me) still had battery, let alone service!

The number was unidentified, so of course I had to pick up. "Hello?"

"Is your refrigerator running right?" A mysterious voice asked, while someone giggled hysterically in the background.

"Is this Galadriel?"

"How did you kno- er, no! This is… a prank call from… yo mama! Anyways, I- I mean, Galadriel has something to give you. We have your horse, so make sure you come, or we might have to put pink bows in his mane and brush his teeth!"

I looked over at Hunter, who was shaking something into Haldir's drink with an evil expression on his face. "Is that so?"

"Yes, that is so! You must come within the hour, or you may never get the glitter out of his mane!"

Hunter moved on to Rumil, then Orophin.

"Yes, of course… I'll get right on that." I studied a fingernail.

"Make sure you do!" The line went blank, and my phone died with a sad _beeoooop._

"Come on, Hunter! We have to go get my refrigerator fixed."

Hunter cocked his head. "What? I didn't know there were refrigerators here! Don't those take electricity?"

When we arrived at the Lady's palace, Celeborn was duct taped to the front door. He wiggled his fingers at us as I knocked.

"Nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan," he sang.

Galadriel, who was dressed up like a refrigerator repair person (or possibly Mario minus the moustache), flung open the door. Celeborn smashed face first into the wall, causing Hunter burst out laughing like a maniac.

Nyan cat? Refrigerator? Duct tape? Marior? I thought those things weren't invented until the 17th century or so, at the earliest!

"Nyan… nyan… nyan… nyan," he mumbled weakly as his wife waved Hunter and I inside.

"Erm… Hello, I'm-" I started

"I know who you are!" She made a creepy 'wooooooooooo' sound and waved her arms around. "You come from a planet far far away…"

Hunter pinned his ears at me. "Hey, weren't you talking about that back in the other chapter?"

"Yes. She's psychic, remember?"

"Oh yeah."

"Good job for remembering, Hunter! I didn't think you were listening when I said that!'

"Of course I was listening! I had just made a hilarious joke, and I always like to hear what people say about my jokes!"

"AHEM," Galadriel coughed, glaring at us from underneath her big, red hat.

"Oh, uh… sorry." I smiled innocently.

"You must be wondering why I brought you here. Well, wonder no longer! I am going to tell you!" She looked at us expectantly.

"Oh, uh… Yes, oh great and wise one! Please, enlighten me! What is the method to your madness- er… wisdom?"

"Thank you for asking! You see, you were not alone when you came to Middle Earth! With these Mirror of Galadriel replicas, you can communicate with each other, no matter how much distance there is between you!"

"Who came here with me? Where are they?... Hold on, you called me all the way here just to try to sell me some junk?" I asked incredulously.

"These aren't just any crappy replicas! No! These are _enchanted_ mirrors that will become your cell phone, since your regular phone is out of battery!" She held up a small silvery and green mirror and pointed to it, making 'ooh, ahh' noises. "So, you'll be taking one for you and each of your friends… That comes to four copper pieces."

"No thanks, I have better things to spend my money on." It wasn't really true, since I didn't have any money.

"How about this. Two mirrors for the price of one?"

"I'm good."

"Three for one?"  
>"Tempting, but no."<p>

"Four for one?"

"Naw."

"Poop."

Hunter snorted. "Are you kidding? That's a great deal!"

"Yes, but I spent all my money paying Saeros back for all the damage you did to his house!" I glared at him.

"Hey! Was it my fault he has a squirrel feeder hanging from a branch right above his house? What was I supposed to do, let all that perfectly good meat go to waste?"

"No, but you didn't have to spit a fireball at them! Hunter, the tree caught on fire and fell through his roof. How is that not your fault?"

"Oh, fine… here." He shook his head violently and turned it sideways. A silver coin fell out of his ear, clattering to the floor with a happy little 'ping.'

I picked it up, openmouthed. "Since when could you do that?"

"I've always been able to do that," he smirked.

Galadriel snatched the money out of my hand. "The mirrors are one copper each, but this works!"

She shoved the four mirrors into my hand. "Enjoy!"

"Wait! Can you gift wrap these and send them to my friends?" I had no idea where they were myself, but she seemed to know.

"Alright, fine," she grumbled.

"Thank you," I grinned, taking the green mirror for myself.

When we returned home, my brothers were still at the table, sleeping… and their skin had turned a fluorescent purple.

"Hunter! What did you do?" I giggled, poking Haldir's face.

"Goway…" He didn't even bother to blink.

"I put some funny-smelling plants into his tea," Hunter chortled. "It's going to take a few days to wear off."

"You know, sometimes I really enjoy your company."

"Ditto."


	9. Olivia 2

Each day, the same frizzy-haired maid woke me up with a knock at the door. Eowyn must have known her name, but I had no clue what it was, and was too shy to ask her… so I avoided addressing her in a way that would make it weird if her name wasn't included.

Breakfast was usually the couch barf porridge, but it actually wasn't as bad as it looked. It tasted a bit like honey and oatmeal, which I discovered when Eomer 'accidently' threw a bowl of it in my face on the second morning of my arrival in Middle-earth.

Near the third day, a pack of leather-and-fishnet-stocking-clad women wearing too much makeup surrounded me, demanding to know why I wasn't hanging out with them anymore.

"Er… I, uhh, have been busy lately, with uh, stuff."

They cackled like a brigade of hens.

"By that, you mean, you're trying to get the king's son as your customer even though he's related to you?" One of them giggled, cocking her head. The rest nodded their heads, overly-hairsprayed locks bobbing stiffly.

"What? No! No! NO!" I shuddered.

"Sweetheart, we don't care! He's probably a very high-paying customer."

"There's no need to deny it, Eowyn," another added. Several others murmured in agreement.

_Maybe they will go away if I just agree with them,_ I thought tiredly. "Yes. You're all one hundred percent right."

They twittered happily, false eyelashes fluttering.

"Don't let us distract you! Go get him," the first one giggled. "Good luck!"

"Thanks," I sighed, trying to keep myself at a leisurely walk as I escaped them.

"Toodles!" They called after me. "See you later!"

That was pretty weird. Really, really weird. And creepy. And wrong. Did Eowyn really hand out with those women before I fell into Middle Earth?

At present, there was really nothing going on in Rohan, besides the corruption of Theoden, but there was nothing I could do about that.

Eomer was napping on a couch, snoring like a wild boar. I poked him, causing him to start awake and fall into an ungraceful heap to the floor.

"What? Huh?" His eyes popped open wide.

"I'm booorrrreeeeeeed," I whined.

"Go be booorrreeeed somewhere else," he grunted, closing his eyes without bothering to move.

"Let's go do something," I pestered, nudging him with my toe.

"Like what?"

"I don't know… Why don't we go swordfight?" I suggested. I had wanted to learn how since I had arrived in Rohan, since I would need to know how for the battle of Pelenor fields.

"You already know how to swordfight. Go away."

It was funny how many times I had heard something similar from Hannah back home (Even though I was older than her, I was always trying to get her to do something or other, and it drove her crazy). "Pleeeeeeeeease?"

"Noooooo!" He growled.

"I'll just keep bugging you until you say yes!"

"Arrrrgggggg! You're so obnoxious! Fine."

Squealing, I hauled him to his feet. Victory!

After we acquired our swords, Eomer lead me out to a worn, grassy ring, and twirled his blade around.

I tried to mimic him, nearly ending up skewering my feet. My brother raised one eyebrow.

"You're out of practice, I see."

"Shut up and tell me what to do, you idiot!" I grumbled, prying the point out of the earth.

Laughing, he did as he was told. Most of it sounded like gibberish to me, but when I actually attempted the technique, my body seemed to know what to do. After only a few hours, I had most of the moves down.

… or at least, I thought I did.

"Great job, Eowyn. When did you start fighting, yesterday?"

I pouted. "I thought I did pretty well!"

"Oh, come on! I could fight better than that when I was six! I always did say that boys fight better than girls…"

I knew Eowyn would have slapped him silly for saying that, but I was too exhausted to put my lightning-fast and bitingly sharp wits into action. "Your face."

"Seriously, you weren't even this bad when you were a toddler! Remember that time you got your hands on a knife from the kitchen, and when the maid tried to take you to bed, you-"

"Alright! Geez!"

"I don't think you fully realize how awful-"

"I get it! Let it go!" I swung my sword up towards his neck; I wasn't actually going to hurt him, but he was being a jerk.

The flat of my blade caught him on his ribs… quite a bit lower than what I was aiming for, but it made him stagger sideways in shock.

He gave me a long look, then burst out into low chuckles. "Now that's more like it!"

I laughed too, because maybe I wasn't a complete failure at fighting after all!


	10. Sydney 3

A month after the party, I came to the realization that I wouldn't ever wake up. I was stuck here, as a hobbit, in the Shire. The only redeeming thing about the situation was Frodo, but he had left three weeks ago on his quest to destroy the ring. Which left me bored and lost in the Shire life.

Slowly, I was accustoming to making my own food out of raw ingredients, and eating seven meals a day. I even learned how to get into one of those confounded dresses!

I was reading an insanely boring book one evening when a knock on the door caused me to startle. Rushing over to open it, I was surprised to find Rosie Cotton on my doorstep.

"Hi, Elanor!" she greeted. I had assumed Rosie and Elanor were friends prior to my moving in, so to speak.

I ushered her in, then closed the door. "What brings you here so late?" I asked.

"Well…I was hoping you knew something about Frodo and Sam," she hesitantly spoke, as if she were trying to beat around the bush. "I figured you'd know something. You and Frodo were a couple, weren't you?"

"Um…" I shrugged, because honestly, I didn't know.

"How do you not know?" Rosie looked at me oddly.

"I just…don't. Anyways! What did you want to know?" I hoped she'd catch on to the abrupt subject change.

"Well…" she began, "Why did they leave? And to where?"

I decided to be honest with the poor girl. I mean, what harm could come? "They went on a dangerous, dark journey to Mordor to destroy the enduring, evil spirit of Sauron by climbing directly into a volcano and destroying a ring. But they'll be back in six months, don't worry!" Okay, maybe that sounded better in my head, because Rosie's face had gone completely ash white.

"What?" she shrieked. "They'll get themselves killed!" A single tear rolled down her cheek. "I never…I never even…" Now she was just bawling, so I tried to comfort her. But a crying woman is really awkward, especially when she's older than you are.

She finally stopped after about 20 minutes. "Sorry…to bother you," she sniffled. "I can't be late for my shift at the Green Dragon…" She got up and exited my house, leaving me sitting on the ground, baffled.

"Was it something I said?" I called after her.

* * *

><p>AN: Sorry for such a short chapter, there just wasn't much I could do with this one (It's also one of FL93's shorter chapters). Nothing eventful happens in the Shire right now, so this part is mostly filler.


	11. Erica 3

A lot had happened within the past five days since I returned with Frodo. First off, Elrond spent three days working on the little guy, and he had yet to awake. In the meantime, he had called for the leaders of the lands to join in Rivendell for a council regarding the ring.

Aragorn, Sam, Merry, and Pippin had arrived early yesterday, as well. Sam immediately charged to Frodo's side, and honestly, I didn't think he had moved yet. Merry and Pippin had run off to explore Rivendell, and within seconds the sound of crashing glass could be heard throughout the area.

Frodo had woken up the next morning, much to Sam's delight. Council guests were arriving, too. The first to appear were Gloin and Gimli, unfortunately. True to my now elvish nature, there was something about the dwarves I just didn't like. Boromir came next, and I felt kinda bad for the guy, knowing what would happen next. Several elves who I didn't recognize also made their way to Rivendell, Lastly, arriving fashionably late, was Legolas. I smiled, remembering Hannah's love for him.

* * *

><p>For the heck of it, I decided to greet Legolas later that afternoon. I found him in the courtyard, discussing matters with Figwit. Upon sighting me, the brunette elf immediately stood up straight and proper.<p>

"What can I do for you, milady?" he inquired.

I smiled. "Nothing, Figwit, I was just coming to chat with Legolas."

"As you wish, milady," the elf bowed and walked out of the room.

I shook my head. Even after a week of living my new Middle-earth life, Figwit's behavior still baffled me. With a shrug, I sat down on the bench next to Legolas where he had been sitting before. "Hey, Legolas!" I greeted.

"Arwen long time seen," he smiled with a dorky face. I cocked my head, a little confused by his answer. I knew that if Hannah had fallen into Middle-earth, Legolas would undoubtedly know something about it.

"Say, you don't happen to have any…_special_ friends, do you?"

He seemed taken aback by my question. "You're not…trying to flirt with me, are you, Arwen?"

"Wait, what? Ew! No!" This conversation had just gotten really awkward really fast.

"Ew?" he frowned, looking hurt.

"What I mean, is… Oh, nevermind," I made a dismissing motion with my hand. "Anyways, back to my original question."

He shifted his eyes sideways. "Maaaaybe…Maybe not."

Crossing my arms, I sighed. "Come on, don't be elusive. I don't want to have to sick my Pegasus on you."

"Alright…" he caved, in a low voice. "There's this one elf…She lives in Lothlorien. Haldir's sister, Mithrellas…" he began staring blankly off into space.

"Okay then. It was nice talking to you, I guess," I stood up and walked off from that completely uninformative conversation. At least now, I had an idea where Hannah might be.

* * *

><p>This place was all too crowded for my liking. No matter where I went, there were always new faces occupying the halls and rooms. I decided to take a walk that night, get some fresh air or something. While I had become slightly accustomed to the layout of the area, I still got lost fairly often, and tonight was no exception.<p>

As I was walking down a hallway, Boromir abruptly brushed past me.

"Watch where you're going, jerkface!" I called after him, but he seemingly ignored me. Of all the nerve…

Instead of arriving on the bridge just outside of the buildings, I somehow ended up in the room that held the Shards of Narsil. I spotted Aragorn standing in front of them, holding the pommel of the sword in both awe and sadness. Practicing my ninja moves, I snuck in behind him.

"Nice sword, isn't it?" I commented casually. Of all the swords I had back in my real life, Anduril was probably my favorite.

"That it is," he softly said, placing the hilt down carefully on the silk where the other pieces lay.

"You could wield it, you know," I stepped forward to get a closer look. Not that his Ranger sword was too shabby or anything, it was my second favorite out of the ones I had in the real world. But it was no Anduril.

Aragorn remained silent for a minute, in a solemn stance, then turned and smiled at me. "I need some fresh air," he began walking down a corridor to the left, beckoning me to follow. I did, nervously…I kinda had a feeling of what was coming, and half dreaded it. I mean, I loved this guy as much as is possible without crossing the line of creepy, obsessed fangirl. Actually, I may have already crossed that line by writing this fanfiction-

"Hey!" Blackjack popped up on my laptop screen, "No breaking the fourth wall!"

Oops. Okay, where was I…? Ah, yes. The bridge scene.

I walked out onto the bridge, which had been my intended destination in the first place, coincidentally. I turned around, and Aragorn walked up until he was about six inches away from me. Now, wait a minute… Wasn't there some sort of 15 inch minimum rule?

_Hey!_ That little voice shouted in my head. _You're Arwen now, and this guy loves you. Who cares about real world rules anymore? Live for the moment!_ I wasn't quite sure if that was my good side or evil side speaking, but I decided to listen to it.

I looked up at him with a small smile. "Do you remember when we first met?"

"I thought I had strayed into a dream." His eyes met mine. Usually, I'm awful and awkward at keeping eye contact, but something pulled me in to his gaze.

"I know the feeling," I mumbled, laughing internally at just how much that literally meant. "Do you remember what I told you?" I hoped he did, because I sure as heck knew I didn't.

"You said you would bind yourself to me," he slowly repeated, "forsaking the life of your immortal kin."

_Heck yeah I would!_ The voice in my head butted in again. Instead, I chose the line from the movie, because somehow, I think my personal choice of wording would ruin the mood. "I would rather share one lifetime with you than a thousand alone," I told him, honestly. With a sad tug, I pulled off my Evanstar necklace and placed it in his hand. Man, I was really going to miss that thing. Back in the real world, I practically wore it every day. It just wouldn't feel the same without it.

He glanced down at the jewel in his hand. "You cannot give me this," he urged, trying to hand it back.

_Funny, because I think I just did. _I squashed down that sarcastic voice in my head, saying, "It is mine to give to whom I wish. Like my heart."

He then kissed me, which I knew was coming yet still took me by surprise. I decided in that moment that maybe boys didn't really have cooties. Or, at least, this one didn't.

Afterwards, he bid me goodnight and walked back to his temporary room. I, in somewhat of a daze, shuffled the opposite way to my room. My trusty old pal was waiting for me, just like I knew he'd be.

"Aragorn and Arwen, sittin' in a tree," Blackjack taunted with a smirk.

I shot a glare at him, that turned into a concerned look. "Is it that obvious?"

"Well," he began, "For starters, you've got the mooniest look on your face that I've ever seen. Actually, Percy had that face a few times, but only when he was done making out with his girlfriend."

"Oh man…" I sighed, feeling utterly girly, "Do you think Elrond's gonna find out?"

"Honey, I think he found out quite a while ago! My bet is that Elrohir told him," Blackjack informed me, to my horror. I knew that Elrond highly disapproved of Aragorn and Arwen's relationship in both the book and the movie. Somehow, I had been hoping that everything would be sunshine and unicorns of happiness, but apparently not.

With a groan, I collapsed on my bed, face first into my pillow.

Blackjack eyed my beautifully beaded white dress (one I had begged my mother to let me buy back in my old life, but she claimed the neckline was waaay too low. Pfft). "You're not seriously going to sleep in that, are you?"

I mumbled a muffled reply.

* * *

><p>The Council of Elrond took place the next morning. As my punishment for saving that stupid hobbit without my father's permission, I wasn't allowed to attend. Which, really, didn't seem like much of a punishment at all. Both times when I had read <em>Fellowship of the Ring<em>, The Council's chapter took me at least a week to suffer through. I was only disappointed that I had to miss Boromir's quip about walking into Mordor. Everything went as expected; Frodo agreed to take the ring, and a fellowship pledged to help him. They were to leave the next morning.

I was incredibly disappointed. Not that they were leaving, but that I couldn't join them. Rivendell, as beautiful a place it was, was rather uneventful most days. And I knew that staying would result in Elrond forcing me to sail across the sea with the other elves to the Grey Havens.

The morning the fellowship was scheduled to leave, I walked down to see them off. I spotted Aragorn in the hallway, and stepped forward to greet him, but he walked past me as if I wasn't there.

"Excuse me?" I called after him, slightly miffed. He glanced back at me, eyes full of sorrow, yet kept walking.

I strode up and deliberately stood right in his path. "You think you'll slip away unnoticed, huh punk?" I crossed my arms.

"I will not be coming back," he sighed.

"Of course you will!" I insisted, even though I knew he wouldn't return to Rivendell.

"Arwen," he began dejectedly, "You have a chance for another life. Away from war…grief…despair…"

I was appalled. "Not you, too?" I groaned. "I get enough of this from my father."

"Have you considered that maybe he's right?" Aragorn didn't give me the chance to answer. "I am mortal, you are elf-kind. It was a dream, Arwen, nothing more."

"Well, I'm not giving in that easily," I crossed my arms tighter and gave him a stern look. "Haven't you ever heard, love conquers all? All's fair in love and war? Love will prevail? Love will find a way? I can sing that song from The Lion King 2 for you, if you'd like an example."

He never answered. Instead, he placed my necklace back in my hand, telling me, "This belongs to you."

I analyzed the necklace before giving it back. "It was a gift," I insisted. "You can't return a gift without a gift receipt. I see no gift receipt, so that means no returns or refunds! You should really read the policy before accepting these things."

He shook his head, a smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

Not sure if I was winning the battle, I decided to give it one last push. "Just…Don't give in so easily, okay?" My voice was choked with emotion, so I threw my arms around him in a bear hug. After a pause, he hugged back.

"I won't," was his simple answer.

* * *

><p>An hour or so later, I stood behind Elrond as he lectured the Fellowship. Elladan was on my left, and Elrohir my right. While Elrond wasn't looking, I held up my hands behind his head to form imaginary antlers. Aragorn smiled at my antics, while Merry and Pippin outright laughed.<p>

Elrond flipped around, with just enough time for me to innocently lock my hands together behind my back. I cocked my head and gave him an innocent grin. Confused, he turned around and continued his speech.

This time, I made a little hand puppet imitating Elrond, complete with sound effects. I threw my hand down to my side just as he looked back again.

Finally, the Fellowship was ready to depart. The filed out of Imladris, Aragorn leaving last. He gave me one last smile, and a nod. I cocked my head and gave a small grin back. I knew that I was not waiting until the end of _Return of the King _to see him again. Already, a plot was forming in my mind, and I was determined to make it happen.

* * *

><p>AN: I considered writing the Bridge dialogue in Sindarin, but decided that English was easier to read. And I left out the dream scene, just as FL93 did, because that's just too awkward.

I was really tempted to shove a whole bunch of Disney songs in here, like I Won't Say I'm In Love (Hercules), "Love Will Find A Way" (Lion King 2, referenced), etc. I figured it would probably disrupt the flow, though, so I opted not to (sadly).


	12. Hannah 3

Hannah's A/N: Hannah apologizes for the chapter taking so long! She made it extra long to make up for it!

* * *

><p>I was soooo bored. There was nothing to do in Lothlorien but practice archery and swordplay, cause trouble with Hunter, and invent games to play with the neighbors who weren't too intimidated by my Balrog horse. On one hand, I was glad to have the chance to build up my battle skills (I mean, I'd had a longbow before I came to Lorien, but I hadn't been any good with it), but doing the same thing every day was torture.<p>

At present, I was riding Hunter through the forest without tack, like the other elves did. I was good at staying on bareback, since I had ridden that way more often than with a saddle at home, but the whole no reins thing was weird. While I worked on my balance, we toyed around with a nickname for my brothers. They had recently been assigned to the same patrol/guard rotation, and none of them were very happy about it. They could never seem to stand each other's presences, and the only time they ever got along was when they were drunk (which, when I really thought about it, was most of the time). Naturally, the only thing to do was tease them about it!

"The Magnificently Intoxicated Blondes of Idiocy?" I tried.

"Too long," Hunter sighed.

"The Blonde, the Dumb, and the Ugly?"

"Too non-Middle Earthy."

"The Morons with the Most Amazing Sister Ever?"

Not even gracing that one with a worded answer, he blew a loud raspberry.

"The Trio of Drunken Idiocy?"

Hunter bared his teeth in a feral grin. "Perfect."

"Excellent. Shall we go see how they like it?" I suppressed an evil chuckle.

"Hmm… I think we shall," he smirked, cantering off in the direction of their post while I clutched at his mane.

Predictably, when Hunter and I found the three, they were in the midst of a heated argument, each with one hand on his hip and the other pointing a finger at one of the other two.

"Yes it is!" Haldir hissed, jabbing with his finger.

"No it isn't!" Rumil growled, jabbing back.

"Yes it is!"

"No it isn't!"

"Yes it is!"

"No it isn't!"

"You're both wrong!" Orophin shouted, clapping his hands over his ears.

"You guys fight so loud, I could have shot you in the dark!" I quipped cheerfully, causing them all to jump.

"That's saying something, because she can't even shoot in broad daylight," Hunter snorted.

The Trio of Drunken Idiocy glared at me and spat out a 'Shut Up!' in unison.

Raising my hands, I stepped back. "Ooooook! No need to bite my head off! What are you guys even arguing about?"

They ignored me, which wasn't too surprising.

"It is not an argument! We're just contradicting each other!" Rumil groaned.

"We are not!" countered Haldir.

"Are too!"

"Are not!"

"You're both wrong," Orophin repeated.

"Guys," Hunter started.

"You're arguing about arguing?" I cocked my head and grinned.

"Are too!"

"Are not!"

"Are too!"

"Are not!"

"Guys?"

"You're wrong!"

"No, you are!"

"No, you are!"

"You're both wrong!"

"GUYS!" Hunter bellowed.

They all spun around to face him, impaling him with their eyes. "WHAT?"

"A group of hooligans is crossing the river."

"So?"

"Wasn't the purpose of you being stationed here to stop strangers from waltzing in without resistance and running amok through the forest?" he asked.

Three pairs of owl eyes blinked. After a moment, Haldir sniffed and glared at his brothers.

"We will continue this later. Agreed?"

"Agreed," Rumil sighed.

"Fine by me," Orophin grumbled.

"Good," I smiled. "Now shut up and do your job."

We waited in semi-silence (If you call three elves sitting in a tree fort for ten minutes, poking each other, while their horse snuck around nearby 'silence') until the group of said hooligans bumbled along the path.

The four of us jumped down and nocked arrows, because Haldir thought it would be theatrical and mysterious.

'You'll scare the pants off them,' he'd urged as we had watched the gloomy figures tramp towards out tree. 'It'll be so cool!'

Well, it wasn't. Rumil twisted his ankle when he landed, Orophin somehow managed to stab himself with an arrow, Haldir landed on a branch that flew up and smacked his stomach, and I hit myself on the face with my bow.

"Nice, guys," Hunter snorted, rolling his eyes as the shocked intruders stared.

Scrambling up, Haldir flourished his cape in the most regal manner he could muster, sneering at the filthy figures in front of him (Alliteration again!). "The dwarf breathed so loud, we could have shot him in the dark."

"Hey, that sounds familiar," I muttered, shooting him a dark look. Joke-stealer!

Ok, so I had stolen that line from the movie and he had stolen it from me… still!

Wait, hadn't Haldir said that line when the Fellowship had first entered the woods of Lothlorien? That meant…

Holy hand grenades! It was the Fellowship! I suppressed the urge to squeal like a deranged fangirl, because even though I _was_ a deranged fangirl, I didn't want to scare them off!

Aragorn was leading, looking scruffy and raggedly masculine; Boromir was carrying his dinner plate shield and wearing his usual tacky clothes; Merry and Pip were picking their noses with absent expressions; Frodo was staring at us with those giant, creepy, buglike blue eyes; Sam was hovering over his master's shoulder with a moon-eyed face; Gimli's legs were trembling from holding up the combined weight of his beard, helmet, fourteen axes, and potbelly; and Legolas was frantically scrubbing a microscopic patch of dirt off his face, his blonde hair shining in the dappled sunlight.

"Do you know what this dwarf says to that?" Gimli huffed. "Ishkhaqwi ai durugnul!"

"Oh, snap!" Hunter cried.

Legolas waved to me with a goofy grin on his face. "Mithrellas! Long time seen!"

I smiled back, blushing. "How's you?"

"I am _fine_!" He seemed pleased that I was speaking in that particular style.

"Who's this then?" I prompted. I already knew the members of the Fellowship, but my brothers were standing there with _hurrr durrr wut?_ looks on their faces.

Aragorn hastily spoke before Legolas could continue with his greeting. "I am Aragorn, and this is Boromir, Merry, Pippin, Sam, Frodo, Gimli, and Legolas."

Legolas tossed his hair a bit and puffed out his chest when his name was said.

I gave them a cheesy grin and gestured to the woods behind me. "Welcome to Lorien, where all your dreams come true!"

Sam's eyes widened, and he stared at Frodo, licking his lips.

Shuddering, Haldir glared at Gimli. "You bring great evil here. We don't want our beautiful woods to be defiled by the presence of such a filthy little creature."

I smacked my brother in the arm. "You're so funny! Of course they can come in! I'm sure they're tired and hungry and sad."

Something about the dwarf made me want to strangle someone, but I supposed that I had to let him in if I wanted to avoid making a scene.

"Can we at least blindfold them?" Rumil pleaded.

"Why would we want to do that?" Orophin demanded.

"It doesn't matter, we're not letting them into Lothlorien!" Haldir growled, turning back to the Fellowship. "You'll have to go some other way. We… Hello?"

The group was nearly out of sight, following Hunter and I as we led them deeper into the woods.

* * *

><p>I took them to Lady Galadriel's main tree palace. The paths were all lit up and glowing, and when we arrived, the Lady had abandoned of her Mario suit in favor of a long, beaded white dress. Celeborn had, thankfully, been freed from the duct tape, and was also wearing a fancy dress- sorry, <em>robe<em>.

"Tell me, where is Gandalf, for I much desire to speak with him," he rapped, Galadriel clapping out the beat.

"A Balrog of Morgoth," Legolas answered, looking like someone had just kicked a puppy, as Erica would say. It was so adorable!

"What did you say?" She gave him a scary voodoo look while Celeborn took over the techno-fied tune.

"They're taking the hobbits to Isengard!" the Mirkwood elf shouted, his eyes crossing for a moment.

I burst out laughing. Yes! The most epic song EVER!

"Alright, enough of that. Shut up," Galadriel ordered. "Ahem. He has fallen into shadow!"

This was my cue to leave. I didn't want to hear all this boring talk, so I slipped away. Throughout Garas Galadhon, elves were singing a cappella version of "They're Taking the Hobbits to Isengard!"

It took quite a while for them to be excused from their 'meeting,' and they all stumbled out with dazed expressions on their faces.

Talking with Galadriel could sometimes have that effect on people; she never made any sense at all.

Unfortunately, they all looked like they needed sleep more than anything else, so I would have to postpone the talk I had planned with Legolas. Disappointed, I returned home for some rest of my own, though it wasn't very peaceful.

* * *

><p>It wasn't until the next morning that I managed to track him down. He was braiding his long, shiny blonde hair into the Elf-Warrior-style braids when I snuck up behind him… or at least, I thought I was being sneaky. Legolas, on the other hand, turned to stare at me before I had gotten within seven feet of him.<p>

"What are you doing?" he asked, cocking his head curiously.

"Oh, uh…" I straightened from my super-sneaky-ninja pose. "I haven't seen you for a long time. How are you?"

"I'm alright," he murmured, his expression dramatically distraught.

"You look too sad to be alright," I observed.

"We had to go through Moria! It was horrible- all dark, and… well, cave-like, and my hair got a tangle, and Gandalf died!" He gave a pitiful little sniffle, letting his half-braided locks go limp.

"Poor Legolas!" I cooed, walking up behind him and using my fingers to comb through his hair. That seemed to comfort him, though I had to stifle another fangirl squeal. I was touching the hair!

"I suppose it's much better now that we're here, in the safety of the Golden Woods. No more tangles!... And you're here, which is always a plus!" He smiled.

"What a charmer," I giggled, starting a fourth braid. He should know better than to trust me not to give him a ridiculous hairstyle!

"The sky is blue," he said conversationally, shaking off his gray mood.

"So it is! It's going to be a beautiful day," I replied, adding in a fifth.

"I wish we could stay here longer, but Aragorn wants to leave today."

"That's such a shame. It would have been nice if you could hang around for longer." A sixth, then seventh braid was skillfully woven.

"What are you doing?" he asked, apparently feeling the evil I was unleashing on his poor, gorgeous hair.

"A special new hairstyle that will represent my affection for you," I deadpanned, tying all eight braids together in an intricate, looping knot. "Perfect!"

Legolas felt the hideous mound on his head, then grinned. "Another of your creations, I see!"

Mithrellas had done something like this before, and lived to tell the tale? Amazing!

"I made it just for you," I smirked, taking a green silk ribbon from my dress and making a cute little bow in the tangled mess.

"I'm sure it's the most beautiful thing I've ever worn!" He laughed, but then his brown eyes turned somber. "I'm going to miss you, Mithrellas. I don't know when I'll be able to see you again."

I took his hand, giving him my most reassuring look. "We'll see each other again. I promise."

"I'll hold you to that," he sighed after a small pause, pecking my cheek before hurrying off to help pack.

Dazed, I touched my cheek. I… had been kissed- _kissed!_- by Prince Legolas of Mirkwood? I had to struggle not to faint (Or scream at the top of my lugs)

Later that day, the Fellowship left the Golden Woods to continue their quest. Lady Galadriel saw their departure as an excuse to clear out some of the junk in her attic, so everyone got cloaks that were so old, their color had faded to a dull gray-green-brown color. Additionally, she gave the hobbits daggers; Frodo got a glowy phial of radioactive waste; Aragorn was given a pretty new knife from Haldir and some relationship advice from Galadriel; Sam received some dirt and some rope (hehe); Boromir was given a belt of gold (Though I didn't really see the purpose… Gold was so heavy, it would pull his pants down, not hold them up); and Gimli, who asked for one strand of hair, was given three. Creeper! I thought that by indulging him, Galadriel was only encouraging the dog to hump her leg (figuratively), but it wasn't my hair he was asking for, so I kept quiet.

With some last mysterious advice, the Fellowship set off down the river in their boats. To my immense surprise and pleasure, Legolas kept his braids in, declaring them the most precious gift that the Elves of the Golden Wood had ever given him. Gimli, who had been the one to ask, demanded to know how a goofy hairstyle could possibly outshine Galadriel's hair, which the elf had ignored.

I smiled, listening to them bicker as they drew further and further away. When at last, they faded from sight, I returned home and practiced my archery, ignoring Hunter's japes.


	13. Olivia 3

I was in the stables, brushing Windfola when a maid fled down the streets, screaming bloody murder.

"A maid runs down the lane/ We're sure she is quite insane/ She's yelling like mad/ It's really quite sad/ 'Cuz now who will take out the trash?" Windfola sang.

"Please, made it stop," I groaned, staring after the woman. "What do you think her problem is?"

Soon, more people were following, all shrieking like there was no tomorrow.

"What's going on?" I squinted at the growing stream of people. One of them dove into the Brego's stall and went into fetal position.

"I say, good sir! What the devil are you doing hiding in my stall?" Brego snorted, eyeing the guy with disgust.

"What happened?" I demanded, alarmed.

"There- it's- there's-a… a… a… AAAAAH!"

"There's a what?"

"A- a- mouse! There's a mouse in the kitchen!" A shrill _squeeeeee_ followed his stuttering words.

Windfola's eyes went wide, and she kicked her stall wall in distress. "A mouse! A mouse! A mouse!"

Brego shivered. "I say!"

"A mouse? That's all this is about? I thought something drastic happened." I could see how a mouse would scare the crap out of people, but the whole 'evacuate the entire town' thing was a bit… much.

"That's all? That's all?" The guy scoffed. "We might as well have a balrog in the kitchen! Just a mouse, she says!"

Suddenly, Theodred sprinted into the stables and began to tack Brego up. He was dressed for battle, and a grim, determined expression was settled over his features.

"Theodred?" I asked, sensing a change in my usually cheerful friend.

"What's going on, mate?" Brego nickered, confused.

"I don't know if I'll be coming back, Eowyn," he murmured, his eyes bright and sad. "Take care of my father for me if I don't."

I stared with an open mouth. Was he talking about the band of orcs that would kill him? How could he know about them?

"I've got to go… it's my duty as prince. Don't try to stop me, I must go. And don't cry for me when I'm gone. Please?"

"Uh… Okay." I blinked back tears, thinking he was being a bit melodramatic, but knowing that I was going to miss him. Blasted orcs! "Theodred…"

"You're a good friend. Make sure Rohan stays safe," he choked, mounting a somber-looking Brego and riding off into the fray.

I wiped my cheeks. What a valiant hero! There he went, to give his life for his kingdom, and-

Hold the phone. He was riding towards the Golden Hall.

He seriously gave me that spiel about how he was going to die, and made me feel sorry for him, and all he was going to do was _kill a stinking mouse_?

Resisting the urge to strangle the guy, I stomped after him.

The two cantered through the open doors of the building, while most of the citizens had stopped stampeding to watch him.

"Theodred! You overdramatic, exaggerating, pussy little-"

BOOM!

A mushroom cloud exploded from the kitchen section of the Hall. Stopping short, I stared as a riderless Brego was thrown out of the wreckage.

A furious bellow blew from the Hall, and Theodred yelled. A shape loomed out of the dust…

A mouse the size of a house charged out, scattering the peasents, with the prince on its back. He was hacking and slashing, but nothing he did seemed to do anything other than infuriate it.

"Holy crap!" I yelled, stumbling back a step. "What kind of mouse is that?"

The mouse roared in anger, smashing the prince against the side of a house. Dazed, he slid from its back.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Brego shouted.

"RAAAAAWWWRRRRRR!" The mouse growled.

"How is that mouse roaring?" I demanded.

"That big mouse is as tall as the sky/ And he's going to eat that guy!" Windfola yelled.

_Gulp._

In an instant, Theodred was gone, the mouse with a satisfied smirk on its face.

"It just… just… ate the prince?" I gasped.

"I SAY, GOOD SIR! DID NOBODY TEACH YOU THAT IT IS BLOODY HORRIBLE MANNERS TO EAT SOMEONE'S MASTER?" Brego stomped up to the mouse, looking murderous.

"No," said the mouse, looking confused.

"WELL, IT IS!" Brego kicked the giant creature in the flank. With a pitiful squeak, it scurried off into the plains, shouting 'Whatever happened to using words to settle differences?'

Brego started to laugh hysterically and rock back and forth.

"Is he okay?" I whispered to Windfola. She shrugged.

"Helpful," I muttered, then called out to Brego. "What are you doing?"

No answer. He just kept laughing.

"Great. So now the only relatively-sane horse in Rohan is completely bonkers," I sighed.

* * *

><p>Note from Erica: Updates have slowed down, as I'm sure you've noticed. As you also know, this story is a collaboration between myself and my friend Hannah. With college starting up again recently, we've both found it hard to find time to write a lot.<p>

...Okay, that's a lie. Erica has nothing progressive to do in her day, and chooses to not study and instead goof off. Hannah's the good student who studies daily and overachieves. So that's why Hannah's chapters are slower forthcoming.

Also, BREGO!


	14. Sydney 4

The sound of breaking glass woke me from my peaceful sleep. Startled, I quickly sat up in bed. A white owl was perched on my bedpost, surrounded by broken glass from my nearby window.

"Did you just break that?" I demanded of the owl.

"Who?" the bird responded.

"You!"

"Who?"

"Oh, forget it, you foul bird!" I noticed it was carrying a package, labeled "Sydney". Odd…It used my real name, not my Hobbit name. Carefully, I removed the brown package from its talons, and it flew off again through the now-broken window.

Similar to a Christmas present, I ripped open the wrapping, and a brand new iPad 2 met my eyes. Someone had sent me an iPad? For a split second, I wondered who, but then forgot to care. A slip of paper under the tablet caught my attention. I pulled it out and read it.

_Bet you thought this was an iPad! Sucker. Did you know "gullible" sounds like "watermelon" when you say it slowly?_

I said "gullible" slowly to myself, but it didn't sound anything at all like watermelon. Confused, I kept reading.

_This is really a magic mirror. Just say the name of the person you wish to speak to, and you shall address them directly. See, it's got this built in feature called FaceTime-_

I stopped reading. A magic mirror? I bet I could contact my friends using this!

The first name I tried was Olivia. The iPad/Mirror thing buzzed in my hand for a moment, then the screen turned white. I thought the thing had broken until I saw Eowyn's face in the corner.

"Eowyn!" I shouted. That seemed to catch her attention. She grabbed her mirror and greeted me.

"Well, aren't you such a cute little Hobbit?" she cooed in a baby voice.

"Olivia! It's me, Sydney!" I told her.

"Oh…Um…Hi," she stuttered. "So, you're a hobbit. In the Shire?"

"Yeah," I responded.

"Well, I'd love to talk to you, but I've got to stare at this wall. See ya!" with that, she hanged up. Did I just get blown off? Shrugging, I decided to call Erica next.

The iPad/Mirror vibrated once again, and then showed who I thought was Arwen. I wasn't sure exactly, because her back was to the mirror. She seemed busy, shouting at someone.

"Get back here, you imbeciles! I dhôl gîn lost!"

Whatever she was saying was in a different language, but didn't sound cheery at all. "Erica!" I hissed.

She turned around, catching sight of the mirror with a look of surprise. Picking up the mirror, she sighed. "I'm sorry, I think you have the wrong-"

"No, Erica, it's me! Sydney!" I was _not _about to be hanged up on again.

"Oh, Sydney, hi," she still sounded irritated, although I didn't think it was directed at me.

"What's up?" I asked.

She sighed. "Oh, nothing, my idiot muindori decided to test drive my Pegasus." I heard a loud "WHOOP!" in the background.

"What?"

"Oh, sorry. My brothers took my ride. They must be halfway to Lothlorien by now…"

"Horses can go that fast?" I asked, an idea coming to my mind.

"They can, why?" her interest perked with the discussion of horses. I knew I had to make this quick, or else I'd hear all about what her horses did today, and yesterday, and the day before.

"Do you think you could lend me a horse?" I pleaded.

She laughed. "Sydney, you're a great friend and all, but I would _never _trust you with a horse. Anyways, I have to go. Nice chatting with you." She, too, dumped the call. I sighed. Looks like I was going to be walking to Osgiliath to see Frodo again. Great, just great…

* * *

><p>I think my feet were about to fall off with all this hiking I was doing. Night was quickly falling as I shuffled along a wooded path. What the heck was I doing? I tried to turn around, but realized I was lost in the woods. Every direction looked exactly the same, and the darkness covered any landmarks I may have remembered singing.<p>

I sat down next to a tree with a sigh. Now I was lost in the outdoors at night, pretty much the last place I'd ever, ever want to be.

"Lost in the woods? That's not good. A poor old fate for a hobbit as of late," a voice sounded behind me, causing me to turn quickly.

"Who can she be? She can't see me!" the voice giggled, and a hobbit jumped down from a tree behind me.

"What troubles you, dear? Why are you here?"

"Do you always rhyme?" I asked the strange, little man.

"Rhyming, you say? I do it all day!" he answered. "What do you seek? Come now, don't be meek."

"I'm trying to get to Osgiliath," I admitted.

"Osgiliath is far, would you like a car?"

I jumped at the chance. "Yes! I would love a car!"

The hobbit laughed. "I don't have one. I just thought that would be fun."

"Who are you, anyways?" I asked him.

"Tom Bombadil!" he introduced. "Not your run of the mill."

"Hm," I didn't recognize this guy from the movies. He seemed fishy to me… "Can you help me get out of here? I'm lost, and need a way to get to Osgiliath."

Tom thought for a moment. "I shall not be phony… You need a pony."

"Do you have a pony?" I asked suspiciously this time.

He seemed taken aback by my mistrust. "Do I, indeed! A mighty steed!" He gave a sharp whistle, and a yellow-ish pony came out of the woods. "Use him, by all means! Just bring him back clean." With a snap of his fingers, Tom disappeared. The pony stood, staring at me. Around his neck, he wore a nametag reading, "Hello, my name is Fatty Lumpkins!"

Okay. So now I was lost in the forest in the dark, more confused than ever, with a pony named Fatty Lumpkins.

* * *

><p>AN: Sorry for all the Apple references...

Sydney's only seen the Theatrical cut movies, never the extended editions, and she's never read the books. I felt like throwing Tom in for the heck of it. I know his rhymes are usually much more detailed, but it's midnight and I'm not Tolkien. You'll just have to settle for my cheesy rhyme schemes.

And fun fact: Hannah actually told Sydney that once, and she sat there saying "gullible" slowly for about ten minutes before one of us finally explained it.


	15. Erica 4

By the time Elladan and Elrohir returned with my Pegasus, night had already fallen. While they were gone, I had pulled out a suitcase and began packing clothing, books, and weapons. I was going stir crazy, stuck in Rivendell while everyone else was having a grand ol' time. Even Sydney was planning something! And here I was, stuck in Imladris with my two crazy brothers.

I had decided to go to Helm's Deep. I mean, why not? There was a battle, some action, I got to hang out with some of my favorite characters, and took a road trip to get there. What's not to like?

"Oh!" Elrond's voice from behind startled me, and I turned around to see him standing in my doorway. "Packing already? I didn't expect you to be so willing!"

I eyed him warily. "Willing to do what, exactly?"

"Sail to Valinor. You're to leave today with everyone else, remember?"

"I'm afraid I didn't receive that memo," I went back to my packing. No way was I being taken on some ship, not after watching _Titanic_ and _Jaws_. "I'm not going on any ship, I was actually planning-"

Elrond cut me off, mid-sentence. "He is not coming back. Why do you linger here, when there is no hope?"

I decided to get smart with this guy, since my brothers had left me in such a sour mood. "Hope is the thing with feathers, that perches in the soul, and sings the tune without the words, and never stops at all."

He raised an eyebrow. "Poetic. Even so, if Aragorn survives this war, you will still be parted…" He went on about his speech, but honestly, I zoned out after the first sentence.

I could sympathize with Elrond. By allowing Arwen to marry Aragorn, he'd be giving up his only daughter for good. Even in the afterlife, elves and men had different Heavens. So by giving up her immortality, Arwen truly was picking Aragorn over Elrond, Celebrian, Elladan, Elrohir, and all of her other family members. But, seeing as I was emotionally detached from all of them, that made my decision easier. It still made me feel like a jerk, though.

Elrond sat down next to me, pulling me out of my thoughts. "Do I not also have your love?"

"Yes, father," I looked down, avoiding eye contact. He then, surprisingly, hugged me. Which made things really awkward at that point. I guess I didn't have a choice, I had to go with the elves and get on a ship. Well, I had to pretend I was, anyways. I'd just slip away the first chance I got, then head back to Helm's Deep or somewhere.

After Elrond left, I picked out a new dress from my closet, a dark blue and silver one. I smiled as I recognized it as the one I had worn on New Year's. Donning a lavender cloak, I walked outside and joined the ranks of other elves solemnly walking out of Rivendell. I spotted Figwit standing next to Blackjack, and with a leg up, I mounted my Pegasus and rode off after the others.

* * *

><p>AN: Short chapter is short. Not much to say down here, except that piece about hope is a poem by Emily Dickinson (An author which I hope you recognize without me telling you!)


	16. Hannah 4

When I came into the dining room for lunch, Haldir was wearing a little pink cardboard party hat, and holding one of those party noisemakers in between his teeth. Rumil, Orophin, and a few other elves were there in similar hats, drinking wine out of plastic cups labeled 'Pretty Princess Party!'

"Whatcha doin?" I asked. It was the first time I had ever seen all my brothers awake before three in the afternoon!

"They appear to be performing some sort of ritual that signifies some trivial thing that has been commercialized by society, but has no legitimate meaning," Hunter guessed.

"So, it's one of their birthdays?" I clarified.

"Yes, or something roughly equivalent."

"All righty then, Mr. Fancy Pants Vocabulary!" I teased. "So, what exactly is the occasion?"

Haldir broke in before Hunter could go into another mini-spiel. "I got promoted from doing patrol duty with these dwarves! I get to lead an army to Helm's Deep, because apparently the stupid human king is too idiotic to know when to stand and fight and when to retreat."

"Ooooh! Congratulations!" I offered him a bro hoof, which he stared at like my hand had grown a tail. "Oookay… When are you leaving?"

"Right now. I have to help organize some things, but they should be on their way in a few hours, when the soldiers are ready to go," Rumil supplied, looking as though he couldn't wait for his brother to leave Lorien.

"Well then, it will be a while before I see you again!" I offered him my hand to shake.

Haldir took it, but used it to pull me into a hug before I could run away. It was awkward, stiff, and just plain weird… so I did what I always do to make people stop touching me: I whispered "Nom nom nom nom babies."

It worked. He let me go abruptly, eyeing me warily as I grinned innocently.

"Farewell, sister!" he muttered, making for the door.

"Good luck! Be safe!" I called after him.

"Be a responsible alcoholic while you're on the road!" Hunter added as Haldir scurried off.

Was there something about Helm's Deep that I was supposed to remember? It seemed like there was, but for the life of me, I couldn't figure it out. Deciding that fresh air would clear my head, I took my ever-helpful horse for a ride through the woods.

"Hey, you look like you're thinking! That's something I've never seen before!" Hunter exclaimed.

"Shut up! I almost had it- oh!" Knowledge hit me like a truck.

Helm's Deep was where Haldir died! My heart sank into my stomach. Mithrellas' –my- brother dead? Sure, he hadn't been the nicest guy who ever lived, but did that mean I was going to sit around and let him ride off to his doom?

Let me think… No.

"Come on, Hunter! We're going to join the army!" I shouted, spurring him back towards my house.

"Yay! I sense violence in our future!" he cheered, breaking into a joyful gallop.

Using my ninja-skills, I collected my bow, sword, and daggers, then snuck into Orophin's room and stole some guy clothes. There was really no difference between the girl's robes and the male's clothes, but I didn't want to risk being caught. I was changed in a few minutes, and then Hunter and I were on our way to where the soldier elves were sorting things out.

We mingled with the crowd and their horses, looking natural and blending in. I tried to school my expression into something more boyish, but that made Hunter shudder and scramble away with a very loud "WTF?" After that, I just kept my hood up.

"Why are you wearing the hood of your cloak up? It's not cold," chirped a shortish blonde elf. If there was ever a voice that screamed 'male cheerleader,' it was his.

"I fit in with the people who are cool enough to wear sunglasses at night or in secret underground warehouses," I explained.

His eye twitched, and then I got a perky smile that said 'I have no clue what you are talking about, but I'm going to act like I do to try to be friendly.' "That's interesting! My name is Saeros, and I like sunshine and rainbows! Who are you?"

"Errr… I'm… Galion," I stuttered, using the name of that drunken butler from Mirkwood and hoping nobody would recognize it. "I like ponies and kitties."

"I'm Hunter, and I like roasted bunny meat and violence," Hunter added, curling his lip at Saeros.

He squeaked happily. "Bunnies! I love bunnies! They're so cute and fluffy…"

"That's nice," I smiled weakly. Was it just me, or was this guy a little… off?

"Hey! You! Army! We have a lot of ground to cover, so let's get moving!" Haldir ordered from the edge of the crowd.

"You're my travelling buddy! I call you!" Saeros squealed, grabbing my arm and hugging it.

"Oh, lucky me…"

We traveled for well over two days, jogging or riding our steeds at intervals, eating and drinking on our feet. It was amazing to be able to move for so long without needing a rest, and after being a –ahem- not very athletic human, I wanted to run for ever.

That lasted for about half a day. After that, I wasn't exhausted, I was bored… and going for days without sleep was off-putting, to state it mildly. When Haldir finally called for us to make camp and break out the flasks of wine, I had that giddy feeling that you get in the small hours of the morning, when you're pulling an all-nighter. Additionally, Saeros was driving Hunter and I crazy! It was always 'Look at that rock!' or 'What an amazing tree!' or 'That patch of grass looks like a smiley face!'

Ignoring the other elves' happy cries to drink to a good journey, Hunter and I found a flat stretch of ground to sleep on. Saeros staggered up to my steed and snuggled up next to his belly, passing out with his thumb in his mouth and a pink unicorn doll in his hand.

"Thanks for taking my spot, jerk," I muttered, having to settle for laying propped up on my horse's knife-sharp backbone.

It was going to be a long trip.


	17. Olivia 4

I was in the stables, tacking up Wondfola for the ride to Helm's Deep, while Brego maniacally laughed and chased after his grooms with a knife.

Aragorn, who had arrived a few days earlier with Gimli, Legolas, and the freshly bleached Gandalf, was watching the spectacle.

"That horse is brown," Legolas told Arod helpfully.  
>"Feed me!" Arod nickered, ignoring the elf's obvious statement.<p>

"You're fat and white. Just like Gandalf! Except without the fat."

"Food!"

"The sky is blue!"

I wondered if Hannah knew that her favorite character was a total ditz.

"Does he always act like that?" Aragorn asked, stroking his Manly Stubble and pointing at the insane horse.

"Yes. Ever since Theodred died, he won't let anyone ride him," I answered.

He did a flex pose. "Challenge accepted."

"Excuse me?"

Ignoring my questioning face, he darted after Brego with a loud "YEEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAAW!"

The horse tried to slash him with his blade, but Aragorn dodged and took a flying leap for his back. Brego started bucking like a bronco from the rodeo, but nothing he did would so much as ruffle the man's hair (although that might have been because it was so wet. Why was it wet? What was it wet with? I wasn't sure I wanted to know…)

Eventually, Brego got tired and calmed down, and Aragorn gave him a man-to-man… I mean, man-to-stallion, which consisted mostly of 'Get over it,' and 'Pull yourself together!'

"I suppose I needed that, my good chap," Brego sighed, dropping his knife.

"You're welcome!" Aragorn grinned and did another pose. This time it was 'Like a Boss.'

"Aragorn needs to take a shower," shouted Legolas from the stables.

I rolled my eyes and left to get my knife, which was a bit harder to do than I thought it would be, since I was having the urge to stalk the ranger.

Stop that, I told myself, swinging the blade around in frustration. This is Aragorn, the guy Arwen is in love with! He was not acceptable stalking material! Besides, I liked Faramir!

"You have some skill with a blade," came a voice from behind me.

Whirling around, I found myself face to face with the guy I was trying not to stalk. How did he get in here so fast, and without me hearing? Stupid ranger! I gave him my best owl look, hoping to scare him off.

It worked. He scrambled back a few steps, gave me a 'WTF' look, and beat a hasty retreat.

Huh huh huh. Score one for Eowyn.

* * *

><p>A few hours later, the residents of Rohan were all in a big, long line leading out of the city. I had given Windfola to a woman with three small children (her poetry was driving me crazy), and was currently leading Gimli's horse, a bored sorrel mare.<p>

"It's true, you don't see many dwarf women," he rambled.

"Really," I prompted, even though I hadn't asked about dwarf women.

"In fact, they are so alike in voice and appearance, they're often mistaken for dwarf men!"

I snuck a glance back at Aragorn, who pointed to his Manly Stubble. "It's the beards! It's considered attractive to have facial hair, so some dwarf women use extentions."

"Interesting," I giggled. "How can we tell that you're not a girl dwarf in disguise?"

His face reddened under his beard, and he spoke in a high, overly-innocent voice. "How did- oh, you're fooling around. Eh, hehehehe…"

"Ok, that's weird!" shouted his horse, shaking its head. Gimli fell off like a sack of potatoes.

"It is weird," I agreed, deciding to do a little experiment.

Kneeling down next to the huffing dwarf, I began stroking his shoulder.

"What are you doing?" he queried.

"Making you feel comfortable, so you won't suspect anything," I explained.

"Suspect wha- OW!"

I had yanked on his beard- just to make sure it was real- with as much strength as I possessed.

"Nope, no extentions."

Boiling water? Check. Assorted veggies? Check. One poor beetle that happened to be crawling by at the wrong time? Check. Grass, plus roots and dirt? Check. Pieces of meat from a bird I had bummed off one of the Rohirrim? Check. Straw? Check. My customized Eowyn Soup was ready.

Suppressing an evil chuckle, I scoured the travelers for someone stupid enough to accept it. To my dismay, Aragorn and Legolas were the only ones who would accept it.

I hid a grin behind my hand as the ranger choked a spoonful down.

"Its…. good," he managed to spit out.

"Really?" I squealed, turning away, letting him think that my mirth was caused by my culinary achievements.

Counting to three, I whirled around, catching him in the act of pouring out the soup.

"You don't like it?" I wailed.

"Ack! Yes, I love it, errr…. It's… uh… the best cooking I've tasted since… since…. It surpasses even the finest dishes in Mirkwood!"

I gave him a coy smile, though inside I was seething with jealousy. "It's nice to hear that."

What on earth did they make in Mirkwood that was worse than my soup? I wanted the recipe! The Mirkwood prince himself was staring into space a stone's throw away, so I meandered up to him.

"Want some soup?"

"Yes, you can!" he chirped. I wondered if his Westron was rusty, or if he was just odd.

"Uh… really?" Hannah probably wouldn't be too happy if I crippled her elf with food poisoning. Weren't elves supposed to be all delicate and sensitive? I hoped it wouldn't kill him.

Upon tasting my creation, his eyes lit up. "This reminds me of mother's cooking!"

"Seriously? What ingredients did she use?" I demanded, amazed. He liked it?

"Spider legs, pinecones, bark, rabbit ears, butterfly wings, and orc eyes if we can get at them, all mixed up with watered wine and algae." He kept a straight face as he said this. He wasn't joking.

Disturbed, I hurried away, leaving my pot behind, which he happily dug into.

So maybe elves weren't so sensitive and delicate after all.

* * *

><p>When we were about an hour's ride from Helm's Deep, an army of giant mice attacked. They were being led by the one that had eaten Theodred, all squeaking murderously for revenge. Shuddering, I didn't even attempt to sneak off to fight.<p>

I knew Eowyn was supposed to be all 'I want to prove myself in battle,' but blood made me queasy… besides, I didn't want to fight giant rodents!

Meekly, I followed the women and children into the fortress. It was spectacularly built, and I had the opportunity to ogle it several times as I helped transport baggage. Lucky me.

After several trips, I heard shouts of 'Make way for the King,' and rushed out, eager to get away from my work.

"This is all that returned?" Only a fraction of the original army remained.

"Our people are safe," Théoden sighed as he dismounted. "We paid for it with many lives."

I felt a tug on my dress, and turned to see Gimli holding his helmet in his hands.

"My lady, Aragorn fell. Literally," he sniffled, skipping any preamble.

"NOOOOOO!" I put on my best owl face, shouted dramatically, and shot an accusing glare at Théoden. While I knew that the ranger was alive, I wanted to make him feel guilty for being such an idiot.

His eye twitched, and he turned his back on me, so I turned on the waterworks. Every male within a twelve foot radius went instantly silent.

Hey, it was the only way to get my point across to the blockhead!

"Ar-a-goooooooooorn," I sobbed, pulling the dwarf into a hug because he was the only one clueless to be within grabbing range.

Théoden's shoulders were as stiff as a board, but he didn't say anything.

"You stupid WARG!" I shouted at him.

_That_ got his attention, if you could count 'getting his attention' as 'making him practically run away as fast as his armor would let him.'

Score two for Eowyn. Huh huh huh…


	18. Sydney 5

So here I was, lost in a forest, stuck with a pony. What was I doing? I'd only ever ridden once, and even then it was only with Hannah leading me around. The thought of seeing Frodo refueled me, though, I couldn't give up!

"Pony!" I turned to Fatty Lumpkins. He stood up straight and proper when I called his name, his ears pointing forwards. "Do you know where Osgiliath is?"

"Maaaaw!" he answered. That was weird. I pulled out a map from my bag, one I had taken from Bilbo's stack. I scanned it for a few minutes before finally finding Osgiliath, and pointing to it.

"There! Can you get there?" I asked him again.

"Maaaaw!" he replied. I decided to hope that meant yes.

Now came the matter of getting on the pony. I'm sure he was short compared to regular sized people, but as a three foot Hobbit, he was taller than I. I had to figure out how to get on this thing.

"Stay," I instructed Fatty Lumpkins. I took about ten paces back, then sprinted forward and leaped at the pony's back. Instead of landing across his spine like I had intended, I misjudged my jump and instead flew over the yellow pony's back and tumbled, face first, into the dirt.

"Mawww!" Lumpkins neighed. If ponies could laugh, I swear that's what he was doing to me.

_Well, that didn't work_, I thought as I spat out a mouthful of mud. I stood up, brushed the loose dirt off of my dress, and stomped over to the dang pony. With a good amount of flailing, I managed to pull myself up onto the pony's back. He took off walking before I was fully situated, I had to swing my arms around his neck in order to stay on.

"I sure hope you know where you're going."

* * *

><p>AN: Aaaand... filler.

Why does Fatty Lumpkins sound like a sheep, you ask? Go watch "President Taft's Secret Pony Brigade" on YouTube.


	19. Erica 5

"Ninety-nine bottles of wine on the wall!"

"Ninety-nine bottles of wine!

"Take one down-"

"Pass it around!"

"Ninety-eight bottles of wine on the wall!" Blackjack and Figwit finished their duet line together.

"Are you quite well finished yet?" I sighed. Four days. Four days we had been on the road, and I hadn't been able to slip away. Every stride we took carried us farther away from where I'd actually like to be right now.

"Finished?" Blackjack neighed. "Heck no! Those ninety-eight bottles aren't going to drink themselves!"

* * *

><p>"Seventeen bottles of wine on the wall…"<p>

"Seventeen bottles of wine…"

"Take one down…"

"…"

"Just give up, already!" I urged, almost pleaded, with them. Even during the night, the procession of elves didn't halt. As if they needed to. Elves could run for days without feeling fatigue, or so I read in The Two Towers. Yet these elves seemed content to walk at a turtle's pace the entire time.

I glanced into the sky, and silently pleaded for something to get me out of here.

* * *

><p>AN: Would you like some cream or sugar with this chapter of filler? Geez, why does everyone else get a slice of the action except me?


	20. Hannah 5

You know that feeling you get, when you're running next to someone who never ever ever ever ever runs out positive things to say in a perky voice, and you've been going for three days without sleep?

That was the feeling I had as we crossed the plains of Rohan.

Passing through Fangorn wasn't at all how I thought it would be, though maybe I should start to expect that. All the squirrels had three eyes and seven legs, the bunnies had fangs as long as my hand (they resembled the man-eating bunny from The Holy Grail movie. Where's a Holy Hand Grenade when you need one?), and I could have sworn that a giant mouse ran by us once.

The trees were all immensely irritated with us for a certain incident involving my –ahem- wonderful fire-breathing horse, a juicy squirrel, and a surprisingly flammable branch… Haldir had managed to smooth things over without getting anyone killed or recognizing the only fire-breathing horse in Middle-earth (that I knew of), though how he could be so dense, I did not know…

Desperate for some peace and quiet, I interrupted Saeros' one-sided conversation with an offer.

"I bet I can beat you at The Contest."

He puffed up his spoon chest as much as he could without popping. "You could not! What contest?"

"THE Contest! The Silent Contest! Hunter, you know what I'm talking about, right?"

Hunter, who was going to lose it and eat someone if our 'buddy' didn't shut it, nodded eagerly. "Oh, yes! The Contest! The object is to stay quiet for the longest. If the other person makes any noise at all, they lose."

"What's the prize?" Saeros looked doubtful.

"The most amazing prize ever invented by any race ever… Bragging rights." I widened my eyes, selling it. My horse made a soft 'Ooooh! Whoah!' sound.

The elf shrugged. "Why not?'

"Alright," Hunter cheered. "Ready? One, two, three, go!"

Silence. Blessed silence. I gave a small sigh.

"HA! YOU LOSE! YOU MADE NOISE! I WIN!" Saeros shouted, pumping his fists. "YES!"

"Actually, you lose, Saeros," Hunter snorted. "Sounds you can't help don't count, like sneezing, sighing, burping, or loud breathing. By calling her a loser, you made noise."

"What?" the elf demanded. "I didn't know that!"

"Too bad."

"I call a rematch!"

"I agree, Hunter. A rematch sounds fair," I smirked.

"I suppose so. Ok, for reals this time! Whoever wins gets Bragging Rights. Ready? One. Two. Three. GO!"  
>Silence once more. Bliss!<p>

This time, it went on for a lot longer, stretching on for two full days of constant travel.

Unfortunately, I was the one who lost, but it was for a worthy cause.

"HUNTER! IF YOU ROAST THAT RABBIT, YOU WILL SET FIRE TO THIS GRASS! DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS WHEN GRASS CATCHES FIRE? IT SPREADS LIKE CRAZY! DO YOU WANT TO SET ALL OF ROHAN ON FIRE?"

My horse's muttered 'Yes' was muffled by Saeros' screech of ecstasy.

"I win! Bragging rights! Hooray!"

It was going to be a long, long run.


	21. Olivia 5

I thought Helm's Deep was supposed to be a big, exciting fortress, where action was happening every single second, and that I wouldn't even be able to eat lunch, because so much drama was going on. As it turned out, I was too busy to take a break, but for a different reason than I hoped... I, the niece of King Theoden, had to help peasants carry boxes of assorted supplies into whichever room they went to.

Yes, it truly was a task worthy of a close relative of the ruler of Rohan.

I was carrying a load of blankets into an old woman's chamber, when I came across Legolas giving Aragorn back the Evanstar. He must have just returned, because his shoulder had a huge gash on his arm, and he and Legolas had their arms on each other's shoulders.

Trying to stifle a giggle, I remembered how the first time Hannah and I had shown Erica the Two Towers movie, we convinced her that the two guys were in love…

"Aragorn!" I called, needing to break up their reunion after such a disturbing thought. "I'm glad to see you!"

Eowyn was supposed to make a big stink about being shut in with the women and children, but I saw no reason to risk my neck out on the battlefield. Besides, it wasn't like he would have done anything if I had said anything anyways. Fighting wasn't really my thing… even the blood crusted on his arm was enough to make me queasy.

My train of thought wandered to Pelennor fields. I knew that I was supposed to go up against the Witch-king, but the prospect of that made me want to run and hide under someone's bed! Maybe I could avoid that, somehow…

* * *

><p>Note from Erica (Not an AN, since Erica didn't write this chapter, Hannah wrote this chapter): Yes, it's true, Hannah and Olivia convinced me Aragorn and Legolas were gay when they forced me to watch these super geeky movies with them. Funny story about that, actually. I hadn't seen LotR before, and considered it the dorkiest thing next to Star Wars. So when Hannah invited me over to watch all three of them, I tried every excuse I could think of to get out of going. Finally, Hannah convinced me just to come, and I did. I did everything in my best efforts to avoid actually paying attention to the movies, because I didn't actually want to like them. And I successfully accomplished not paying attention at all (Although I did fall in love with Brego and Shadowfax).

About a month later, Hannah invited Sydney and I over for a sleepover. As is custom at all of our sleepovers, we played a game of truth or dare (although this one was the boring, girly version). Feeling giggly, Sydney asked me the truth question, "What kind of guys do you like?" So, I went on describing someone "Fairly tall, with brown hair a little longer than usual for guys (just above shoulder length), with a slight stubble, somewhat romantic but very brave and heroic." Hannah glanced down at me and said, "Like Aragorn?" My response?

"Who's Aragorn?"

"You know, the guy from Lord of the Rings!"

Blank stare.

"You pretty much just described him," Hannah informed me.

"Oh!" I realized, "You mean that guy who turns evil and tries to take the ring but gets shot?"

"What? No! The King guy!"

"You mean the gay guy?"

At that point, Hannah was cracking up. She informed me that Aragorn was not, in fact, gay, and that she was surprised I believed her. The next morning, Hannah made us watch Fellowship with her and Olivia, and pointed out Aragorn specifically (Who I still got confused with Boromir).

And now, 10 months later, look where that got me. Yes, I did just tell you this pointless story which is longer than the actual chapter. Yes, I did tell it for added filler. Yes, I like waffles, yes, I like pancakes, no, I do not like French Toast. That is all.


	22. Sydney 6

I didn't get it… Why did Erica, Hannah, and Olivia find this horse riding thing fun? Excuse my languages, but my butt was aching from all this bouncing around on Fatty Lumpkins' back. Still, the little guy made good time. We had long since left the trees, crossed rolling hills, skirted mountains, and now we entered a large, flat plain.

I really hoped Lumpkins knew where he was going, because I didn't have a clue. I'd never paid much attention to Middle-earth geography while watching the movies. And Bilbo's maps, while detailed, didn't really help me much while on the move. I decided to take a nap, wrapping my arms around the pony's neck.

"Are we there yet?" I mumbled, half awake, hoping that my brief nap would've spanned the rest of the journey.

"Maaaaaaw," Lumpkins responded. Opening my eyes and glancing around, I took that as a no. Off in the distance, I saw a tall, dark tower. Smoke rose all around it, adding to the ominous feeling I got staring at it. A large, dark mass had formed in front of it.

_Wait…_ I realized as I squinted at the black mass, _It's moving!_ Like an army of tiny ants, the group was heading south at a speedy pace. A small, curious part of me wanted to follow them, but I knew I had no time to lose if I wanted to see Frodo.

"Let's go, Lumpkins!" I instructed, and we took off trotting again.


	23. Erica 6

Three days later, still walking. I figured I would've been able to slip away by now. In theory, I easily could have, if not for Figwit. He was a sweet guy and all, but never gave me a moment's rest. I had half a mind to knock him out right there and then, truthfully.

"Hey, look!" Blackjack motioned with his muzzle at a sign posted amidst the trees.

"Welcome to The Shire!" the sign read. Below was a list of tourist activities, and a sign to a nearby rest area.

"Tourists actually visit the Shire?" I asked, disgusted.

"Yes, milady!" Figwit answered cheerily. "I've heard it's such a lovely place, with delightful little hobbits!"

"Now you're sounding like Olivia," I muttered. He, luckily, didn't hear me. "It's almost as if- Whoa!" I reined Blackjack back sharply as I saw a toddler run in front of me.

"Is someone missing a kid?" I shouted as he ran into the forest. Everyone else had stopped, too. Honestly, I was surprised that there were actually kids on this journey. I hadn't encountered any around Rivendell.

As I watched, the kid ran into a white bricked structure, stumbling almost cutely in an awkward run. He ran up to a man, who turned around and- Hold the phone, that man was Aragorn! The slightly-older looking Aragorn lifted the boy up with a smile, and twirled him around in a circle. As he held the boy, the kid stared directly at me. I noticed he was wearing my necklace. Then, the scene evaporated.

I blinked, rubbed my eyes, and blinked again. "Did you see that?" I asked, to no one in particular.

"I saw nothing, milady," Figwit looked around, confused. Okay, that was just weird. Maybe it was the Shire, this place wasn't good for my brain. I wheeled Blackjack around.

"Hey, look, a distraction!" I pointed off in a random direction, then spurred my Pegasus forward into the sky, back the direction we came from.

"What's the big deal?" my confused equine asked as we flew east.

I was still trying to sort it out myself. "I think I had a vision of the future," I told him.

"Ooh, really? What'd you see!"

I grimaced. "My son." Kids. Yuck.

"And where are we going?"

"Helm's Deep! We can still make it in time!" I think.

"You're fighting in that?" he flicked his ears back, referring to my dress.

"Oh…" I hadn't thought about that.

"And you can't fight without a sword."

"True…"

"So we ought to go to Rivendell first, right?"

"I guess," I sighed. "We'll miss Helm's Deep, though."

"Don't worry," my Pegasus assured, "I'm sure there'll still be plenty of orcs for you to decapitate."


	24. Hannah 6

If Helm's Deep had been intimidating in the movies, it mega-super-awesome-ginormous-times-three-thousand in real life. Am I exaggerating? Maybe a teensy bit…

We marched in synchronized battle phalanx up the ramp, hoping that in the rain, the humans wouldn't mistake us for orcs. They'd have to be pretty stupid to do that, but I wouldn't put it past them. After all, it was dark and rainy, which probably didn't help their eyesight much.

Thankfully, nobody got shot, and the gates were hurriedly opened when they finally realized that we weren't the enemy.

"How is this possible?" demanded King Théoden, relief clear on his face. Aragorn, followed by Gimli and Legolas followed, all extremely happy to see us.

"I bring word from Elrond of Rivendell," Haldir explained, doing his best to look regal and in charge. "An alliance once existed between Elves and Men, thought I can't imagine why… Anyways, Galadriel sent us to honor that allegiance."

Aragorn strode up and yanked him into a fierce hug. "You are most welcome!"

"Nom nom nom nom babies," Haldir muttered, squirming out of the contact.

Legolas clasped my brother's arm in greeting. "How's you?"

Giving the Mirkwood elf an odd look, he addressed the army. "We are supposed to be proud to fight alongside Men once more, but I don't see the point. They'll all just die anyways, so the best we can do is put off the inevitable."

"Yes, Agent Smith," I muttered darkly.

"Disperse! Go, do what that guy says." Here, he pointed at Théoden, who gave us a clueless look. "Um, all right then, do whatever _that _guy says." This time, it was Aragorn.

Aragorn yelled out orders in Sindarin, but I ignored them and used my ninja moves to position myself a few spaces away from Haldir. I had to be near him if I wanted to protect him, and if doing that put me directly to the left of Legolas, then it was nothing more than a happy coincidence!

I wished Hunter was there, but my brother had ordered that all horses be put in the stables (I wondered how that was working out for him), so I had to settle with actually paying attention.

"You could have picked a better spot," Gimli grumbled from the opposite side of Legolas.

"Would you like me to tell you what's happening, or do you want me to find you a box?" smirked the elf.

Gimli glared for a moment, then chuckled in anticipation.

Oh, yeah! They had their killing game! Wishing Legolas good luck, I adjusted my quiver to make it easier to draw arrows from. A small, spherical lump rested in my pocket. What the-?

Confused, I drew out a small gray circle of metal, a 'ZB' printed on a tiny catch.

ZB? Did that mean what I thought it did? Eagerly, I drew out an arrow and bound it to the ball, which was a lot harder to do than it looked. So hard, in fact, that I missed the approach and charge of the uruks. It wasn't until Aragorn gave the command to shoot that I had my creation just right.

I flipped the small catch, fired the ball and arrow, and kept a close eye on where it landed.

Score! I hit one and brought it down (though I suppose that it would have been pretty difficult to not hit any orcs, since there were so many of them)! After a second, there was a small explosion, and a few of the uruk-hai corpses reanimated, turning on their fellows and eating them whole.

'ZB' for Zombie Bomb. Like a boss! I hadn't expected to find any of these in Middle-earth!

Happily, I shot a few normal arrows until the army came close enough for me to throw my wonderful inventions at them. Take that, Saruman!

After a while, an enormous explosion shook the wall, and huge chunks of it flew into the air. I was thrown backwards, landing near a stone staircase in an undignified heap.

In front of me, Legolas threw down a shield, using it to skate down as he shot his bow.

Suppressing a fangirl squeal, I jumped up. I had gotten a front-row seat to one of my favorite elf's favorite moves!

My bow had been lost in the explosion, so I drew out my knives and started hacking. Did I feel like a bum for stealing the two-handed fighting thing from Legolas? A little, but not enough to make me get a full-sized sword.

Wait, where was Haldir?

"The keep! Fall back to the keep!" someone shouted.

I did as they ordered, keeping a sharp eye out for my wayward brother. Where on Helm's Deep did that silly elf get off to?

"Haldir!" Aragorn screeched from across the courtyard. Horrified, I turned towards the sound of his voice. My brother took an uruk-hai knife to the back of his head and fell, going limp in the ranger's arms.

I sprinted towards them, my hood lifting away from my head and flapping behind me. This couldn't be right! I was supposed to rescue him! I had traveled all that way to save him! He couldn't be…

Standing over Aragorn, I stared into Haldir's blank eyes. It was true. He was dead.

The eyes blinked.

"MIthrellas?" asked the dead elf.

"H- what? How? You JERK!" I screamed, socking him in the face. "YOU LET ME THINK YOU WERE DEAD!"

Aragorn, who was still cradling his head, shifted uncomfortably. "Guys?"

Haldir glared at me, holding his nose. "You hit me!"

" Don't ever scare me like that again, you creep!" I was still shouting at the top of my lungs, ignoring the approaching crowd of enemies.

"Guys, we should probably head back to the keep," Aragorn suggested.

"How are you even still alive?"

"That sword was too blunt to cut through butter, much less my rock-hard skull," he smirked.

I smacked him again. "If you really were dead, I would have killed you."

"Guys!" Aragorn shouted. "Can this wait for later?"

The uruks were standing around, looking uncertain. They were probably startled my loudness, but once I stopped yelling, they regained their courage and charged.

"Sorry," I squeaked, slapping Haldir yet again. "Get your butt up!"

He did, and the three of us ran like there was an army of uruk-hai on our tails. Which, there was, so I guess that analogy is pretty useless… How about this: We ran fast. There.

Once we flew through the door, a group of Men barred it behind us. I forced Haldir to go to the caves to get someone to look at his head, him refusing to budge until I threatened to punch him again.

As he staggered out the door, I realized that every single person in the keep was staring at me with owl eyes.

"What?" I demanded, then remembered that my hood had fallen down, and everyone could see that I was a girl. "Oh."

"MIthrellas? Long time seen! What are you doing here?" Legolas asked, waving to me with a big grin on his face.

"Who would name their son something as girly as Mithrellas?" Gimli demanded, squinting at me.

"Good question." I shot him a dirty look. "Unfortunately, I can't answer that, because I'm NOT A BOY!"

Everyone took a step back. Maybe I shouldn't have yelled…

"Oh…" The dwarf blushed under his beard, then turned on the charm. "Soooooo… What brings you to Helm's Deep?"

Remembering Galadriel, I shuddered. "Eeeer…. I came to… do…. Stuff…."

"I bet you did." He gave me what he thought was supposed to be a charming smile.

"Um. Yeah… sure…."

"You know, I'm not doing anything later tonight if you wanna grab a bite to eat?"

"Yeah, that sounds great, but I have to defend a fortress," I declined.

Legolas glared at Gimli. "Excuse me dwarf, but you are hitting on my girlfriend!"

Gimli glared back. "Do you own her?"

Over by the door, Aragorn was engaged in a heated argument with the idiot king.

"Ok, let's all take a chill pill," I soothed.

"Is there no other way for the women and children to get to the caves?" the ranger asked, making an effort to lower his voice.

The idiot human was zoning out, a thin dribble of drool sliding out of his mouth.

Gamling answered for him. "There is one passage that leads into the mountains, but they will not get far. The uruk-hai are too many."

"Send word for the women and children to make for the cave, and barricade the entrance!" Aragorn ordered.

"I'll go," I offered, eager to escape the hostile situation.

"I'll come with you," Gimli called, snatching up my hand possessively.

"No, I'll accompany her," Legolas argued, taking my other hand.

"She needs someone strong to protect her from any stray orcs, not some blonde elvish nancypants!" Gimli declared.

The 'blonde elvish nancypants' stuck out his tongue. "If she needs someone to protect her, she might want someone who is more than half her size."

The dwarf growled. "Why you-"

Being a complete germaphobe, I was NOT comfortable with having my hand grabbed by a filthy dwarf who had just spent the night fighting with an axe that had probably never seen any form of sanitation in all of its long years.

"How about this. I go by myself, because I'm not a child who needs a babysitter, and you two stay here and fight. Good?" I suggested, pulling both my hands free.

Legolas had the good sense to let go of me, but the dwarf held on tightly. Fed up, irritated, and exhausted, I couldn't stop myself from socking him in the jaw.

"Ow!" we cried at the same time, me holding my knuckles and him holding his chin.

Legolas smirked and chuckled. "That's what you get, dwarf!"

"Both of you, shut up and help barricade the door. She can obviously fend for herself, so leave her alone." Aragorn sighed, facepalming.

Relieved, I retreated to the caves, shaking my sore hand.

* * *

><p>Note from Erica: Zombie bombs are yet another joke between Hannah, Olivia, and I. In case they need to be explained, they're bombs that, when detonated, attract zombies to their location.<p> 


	25. Olivia 6

The little girl in my arms blew a spit bubble, then giggled hysterically. I joined her, loving being around all the children. Her mother bounced a younger brother on her knee, an older sister sitting at our feet.

Everyone was filthy thanks to all the dirt and dust in the caves, especially the children, but we didn't care. The women tried to keep their children quiet to keep the attention of the uruk-hai away, but I knew that Gandalf would come save us before anything drastic happened.

We had been there for what seemed like a day (although it was probably less than that), when a tall, blonde, feminine-looking soldier elf stumbled into the room. He looked a lot like Hannah, but in the gloom, everyone looked the same.

He started chattering away in the elf-tongue… what was it called? Silverin? Silmarillion? Slizerimazaeien?

Whatever it was called, I didn't understand what the elf was rambling about, so I cocked my head and gave him a _hurrr durrrr wut_ look.

"I apologize. What I meant to say was, why are you wearing a squirrel hat?" he asked, pointing at something above my head.

"Excuse me?" When he got closer, I realized that it was Haldir… but how was he alive? And what on earth was he talking about, squirrel hat?

"And the fluffy tail is a bit odd, but maybe that's fashionable for humans these days. I lose track."

"What?"

Another elf ghosted in, this one more feminine than Haldir, though it was difficult to see his face in the darkness. He said something to his captain in Slizimithirielien, apparently ordering him to sit down when the general sat down meekly, but switched over to Westron as he addressed me.

"We need to start moving the women and children into the caves. They should know where to go, even if you don't."

Sindarin! That's what it was!

I glared. "And why wouldn't I know where to go? I am, after all, the niece of King Théoden! I should know where to lead my people to get them out of danger!"

He gave me a quizzical look. "What do you know about navigation in Helm's Deep? You couldn't even drive to WalMart without getting lost!"

I squinted through the gloom. "Hannah?"

"No, it's Chuck Norris. Who do you think it is?" snorted the elf.

"Oh! You scared me, I thought you were someone important," I snarked back.

"Thanks. Anyways, I'm here to tell you to start moving people out. The king is having issues with running out of antidepressants, but Gandalf has probably already shown up with the Riders of Rohan, so just stay here."

"Okay. What are you doing here, anyways? I didn't know elves let girls into their armies," I wondered.

She gave me a troll face. "I pretended to be a guy and joined the army."

"Seriously? And nobody caught you?"

"Nope. Then again, with elves it's pretty hard to tell who's male and who isn't." She giggled.

"Why is there two of you?" Haldir shook his head, making 'Woooooooooo' sounds. The little girl in my lap added her voice to his, and a bunch of people started staring.

"Stay still, and one of us will go away," she advised the elf, eyeing the child with distrust. Hannah had never liked kids, and a dirty kid with spittle on her chin was probably driving her crazy.

"What's the deal with him? I thought he died!" I asked, shooting a look at the blonde, who was muttering to himself darkly.

"Nope, he just got knocked around a little. He was just being dramatic."

"That's good." Haldir hadn't been my favorite character, but Hannah and I always went 'Noooooooooooooooooooo' in moaning voices when he died in the movies. Or, I guess, supposedly died.

"He's going to be out of it for a while. I should probably go get the elves together." She sighed.

"Aw, all right," I grumbled. With Eomer in exile and Theodred dead, it had been lonely in Rohan.

"Well, I'll see you around… sometime," said Hannah, waving.

"Bye," I replied.

She pulled Haldir to his feet and led him out of the caves. I watched their retreat sadly, then started gathering up food for the return journey. The mother next to me stared at me like I was insane.


	26. Sydney 7

I was asleep when a "Maaaw" from Lumpkins woke me up. Groggily opening my eyes, I saw that we stood in a ruined, white city. A light-brown haired man stared at me. Awkward.

"Another one? Is this some sort of Hobbit invasion?" the man asked with a laugh.

I reached around defensively for something, and realized I didn't have any weapons. I hoped this guy was in a good mood, and fond of Hobbits… Wait, he had said 'another one', possibly meaning he'd seen Frodo and Sam around!

"Yes- I mean, no, we're not invading! I'm just looking for some of my friends, two Hobbits, have you seen them?" I inquired.

The man looked thoughtful for a moment. "What do they look like?"

"Um… They're probably the only Hobbits you've seen recently," I couldn't tell whether this guy was purposely messing with me, or just stupid.

Another man, clad in armor, rushed around the corner. "Faramir!" he shouted urgently, "They're making a second wave, we must fall back to the city for reinforcements!"

Oh…I knew that man I was talking to looked familiar. He was Faramir, who I remembered Olivia loved. Huh… Well, her taste is…different, I'll give her that. I never did understand what she and Erica saw in these humans, they were just gross looking.

Faramir nodded gravely, then shouted an order at some of the remaining men around the city. "Your friends left via the sewers," he pointed to a large hole in the wall in front of me, then took off running with the rest of his men.

I wasn't sure what they were running from, but I knew if they had the sense to run, I probably should, too. "That way, Lumpkins!" I shouted, and we slowly ambled towards the sewer.

"Maaaaaaw!" the pony protested once we stepped into the gross waterway.

"I know, little guy," I patted him. "But Frodo's out this way, and we need to see him!"

* * *

><p>We'd been traveling in the forest for nearly an hour when I heard a familiar voice call, "Smeagol!"<p>

Lumpkins took off running towards the sound, leaving me struggling to hang on. Once he caught sight of Frodo and Sam, he slid to a stop in front of them. His abrupt halt caused me to go flying over his neck, and crashing into the ground at the two Hobbits' feet. Which stank, I might add.

"Elanor?" Frodo jumped back in surprise, leaning down to see if it really was me. Begrudgingly, I pushed myself up off the ground, trying to retain whatever dignity I had left.

"Elanor, what are you doing here?" the dark haired Hobbit seemed genuinely surprised.

"Um…I…guess I wanted to see you?" I muttered.

Frodo looked down for a second, then met my eyes again. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you we left, there was just no time…" He left the sentence hanging sorrowfully. I hugged him, hoping to get rid of his guilt.

"Ahem."

"Maaaaw."

I glanced over, and Fatty Lumpkins and Sam were both standing next to us awkwardly. Gollum wasn't paying any attention to us, instead trying to slurp an elusive worm. I remember when Erica and Hannah told me that Gollum liked to eat babies… Yeah, I couldn't look at him the same after that, if they were actually telling the truth (and with those two, I could never tell).

"Rosie misses you dearly, Sam," I told the plump Hobbit. His expression saddened at the mention of Rosie, and he mumbled something I didn't quite catch.

"We must go now, hobbitses!" Gollum's gangly voice informed the two.

Frodo looked at me, torn. "I hate to say goodbye, but asking you to come along would only put you in harm's way."

Knowing he was right, I nodded. I'd be much more of a burden than an asset to their quest, and Frodo didn't need any more problems on his mind than he already had.

"Where will you go now?" he asked me, and honestly, I didn't know.

"Probably the Shire," I shrugged.

"Wait," Sam intervened, "You rode all the way out here, for days, just to say hi, then turn around and go back?"

"Well, when you put it like that…" I realized Sam was right. What the heck had I been thinking?

"Hurry, hobbitses!" Gollum shouted from a distance. With one last, sorrowful glance, Frodo turned and walked away.

Once they were gone, I turned to Fatty Lumpkins and sighed. "Well, bud, what now?"

"Maaw," he sat down. Wait…I didn't even know horses COULD sit.

"I guess it's time to go back to the boring old Shire," I clamored on to Lumpkin's now standing back, and we set off at a walk to the west.

* * *

><p>AN: There is no A/N, this is a lie! MWUAHAHAHA! What will you do now?


	27. Erica 7

Staring at clouds, trying to identify shapes, was just as boring as I anticipated it would be.

"That one kinda looks like a grenade," I commented. Blackjack had long since touched down on solid ground, too tired to continue flying. We had made good time, though, I recognized this place as the forest where I had rescued Frodo. I was currently lying on Blackjack's back, facing the sky. His wings kept me from rolling right off, thankfully.

"Well, gee, that's not violent at all," my Pegasus snorted.

"Unless it was a Holy Hand Grenade or something," I reasoned, laughing. "Say, how far off do you think we are?"

"Two days would be my best guess," he answered. I groaned. Two more days of complete and utter boredom.

Blackjack evidently sensed my restlessness. "We could play a game?" he suggested.

"Oh?" my interest perked. "Like what?"

"Well, I think of something and you have to guess what it is."

"How am I supposed to guess?" I asked, bewildered. I'd never heard of this game before.

"You just guess," he snorted.

"Rock?"

"No."

"Grass?"

"No."

"This is a stupid game!" I shouted, fed up.

* * *

><p>We walked along in silence for a while.<p>

"Want another go?" Blackjack offered.

"No…" I hesitated, looking around, "Path?"

"Nope."

I threw my hands in the air. "This is impossible!"

* * *

><p>"You know, this game would be easier if we played by the rules," Blackjack commented a few minutes later.<p>

I gave him a sidelong glance. "There are rules?"

"Yeah!" he neighed. "I tell you the first letter."

"Then why didn't you do that?"

"You never gave me the chance."

"Can we just get to Rivendell?" I sighed.

* * *

><p>"S."<p>

"Are you still playing that game?" I asked him incredulously.

"S!"

"Sky," I guessed.

"Hey, you got it!" he cheered, "Okay, your turn."

I didn't bother to reply.

* * *

><p>"Come on, it's your turn!" he bugged me a minute later.<p>

"Um… T."

"Tree?"

"Yes, happy?"

* * *

><p>Blackjack, again, broke the silence. "S."<p>

"Sky again?" I laughed.

"Hey, now you're getting the hang of it!"

Cocking my head, I glanced down at him. "You picked sky _again_?"

"No, but you're getting the hang of the rules."

"Ah, thanks," I commented sarcastically. "They're so complex, I was worried they might evade me."

* * *

><p>"S," he persisted.<p>

"Sun."

"No."

"Songbird?"

"No."

"Statue?" I pointed out one of the nearby troll statues as we passed it.

"Aha!" he neighed, and I assumed I'd won. "No." Well, nevermind.

"I give up," I groaned.

"It's too soon to give up!" he insisted.

"I give up!" I told him, exasperated.

"Silk!" he whinnied happily, flickering his ears towards the silk sleeves of my dress.

I shook my head in wonder.

* * *

><p>"D."<p>

I looked at the Pegasus in agony. "You're still playing that?"

"D!"

"Dirt."

"Yes!"

* * *

><p>Night had fallen, and we continued our walk in silence. Until…<p>

"Want to play again for forfeits?"

"No!"

* * *

><p>AN: Every line break is about a 5-10 minute pause.

I wish I could say I'm the one who came up with most of this dialogue, but I'm not. It's actually an adaption from a chapter of a game called Prince of Persia (the 2008 version). Sorry it's so short, just, in order to keep the pace, I need filler chapters.


	28. Hannah 7

With Haldir not feeling like himself, it was up to me to lead the Lorien elves home. We traveled at a much slower pace than Haldir had pushed us to, mostly because half of the army was wounded in some way. Saeros had managed to make it through with only a minor cut on his arm, though you would have thought that he lost the limb from the way he carried on. I loaded my brother's horse up with both of our supplies, and made him ride double with me. Hunter despised it, but the guy had run into a total of eight walls before we left Helm's Deep, had called me Cleleborn twice, and he was still seeing double. There was no way I was going to let him ride by himself!

Rock-hard skull indeed.

I took us around Fangorn Forest, not wanting another angry ent episode, even though it took a lot longer. When we finally got to Lorien, Haldir's eyes were pointing in two different directions, and Hunter was complaining that his back was about to snap.

Telling the horse to shut up, I ordered the army to go home and await further orders, which they did eagerly. After they had all dispersed, I took Haldir to our house and put him in his bed, giving him the evil eye when he protested that he was fine.

"If you're fine, then I'm Chuck Norris," I snorted.

"Who?"

"Uh… Memory loss! You've got memory loss! You don't know who Chuck Norris is? Oh, Haldir, no!" I cried dramatically.

"What? Who is Chuck Norris?" he demanded, panic appearing on his features.

"Chuck Norris is- he's- You can't ask me to describe him! You really don't remember?" I stifled a grin. "Maybe you'll remember if you take a nap."

He blinked. "Maybe."

"All right then. Good night," I cooed, tucking him in like he was just an elfling (even though I hate kids, so that analogy wasn't really much good. Let's just say I tucked him in carefully).


	29. Olivia 7

The journey back to Edoras had been uneventful, but once everyone returned, Théoden threw a giant partaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! And what does a Rohan victory party entail when a man, an elf, and a dwarf are visiting the Riddermark? That's right. The drinking game.

It was my job to give my uncle a fancy golden cup, which he used to toast to all the soldiers who had died. When he raised it, and everyone in the Hall got to their feet.

"Tonight, we remember those who gave their blood to defend this country," Théoden shouted, spittle flinging from his lips. "Hail the victorious dead!"

"Hail!" everyone in the Hall yelled back.

"Why, when I was a young whippersnapper, we did a lot more than raise our glasses to honor the soldiers who died! We used to throw their corpses in the tombs with their wives, and-"

"All right, I think that's enough, Uncle." I interrupted him before he could go on.

"No pauses, no spills," I overheard Eomer explain.

"And no regurgitation!" Gimli added, chugging his first tankard. Unable to help myself, I joined the crowd around the dwarf and elf.

"So, it's a drinking game?" Legolas asked, sniffing his ale suspiciously.

"Last one standing wins!"

The elf gingerly took a sip, making a face.

Aragorn tried to sneak past me as I giggled at the 'DO NOT WANT' face. Whirling around, I gave him my best owl eyes. He shuddered and pushed past a few people to get away (while still looking manly, I might add). Huh huh huh.

Théoden staggered up to me, joints creaking. "What are you doing here, Gleowen? I thought you were in the family crypt!"

Not bothering to correct him, I sighed. "Yeah, it's pretty stuffy down there. I thought I'd come up for some fresh air."

"All right. As long as nobody gets eaten, you can stay as long as you like."

"Thanks."

Merry and Pippin clambered onto the table and started kicking drinks into people's laps, warbling drunkenly about their favorite pub.

"I think it's starting to affect me," Legolas slurred, swaying, a tower of empty cups in front of him.

"Whaadd'I tell yah? He can' hold'is liquor…" With a glob of spit trickling down his beard, the dwarf collapsed.

The elf smirked. "Game over."

The men called for a victory tankard, which pushed him over the edge and caused him to fall facefirst onto the bar. I laughed, wondering what Hannah would say if she could see her boyfriend now.

The feast went on until dawn, but I only stayed awake until around one in the morning. I knew that Eowyn was supposed to have a 'moment' with Aragorn after spending the night on the couch (why she did that when she had a perfectly good bed right down the hall, I had no idea), but I didn't want to be creepy to Erica's boyfriend, so I made a boring decision and retreated to my chambers. When I had last looked, Legolas and Gimli hadn't moved, and were still passed out at the bar.

The next morning when I came down for breakfast, a group of very hung over people were sitting around, holding their heads while Gandalf lectured them.

"There was no lie in Pippin's eyes," Gandalf was explaining. "A fool, but an honest fool he remains. He told Sauron nothing of Frodo and the Ring. We've been strangely fortunate. Pippin saw in the Palantir a glimpse of the enemy's plan. Sauron moves to strike the city of Minas Tirith. His defeat at Helm's Deep showed our enemy one thing: he knows the heir of Elendil has come forth, Men are not as weak as he supposed, there is courage still, strength, perhaps enough to challenge him. Sauron fears this. He will not risk the peoples of Middle Earth uniting under one banner. He will raze Minas Tirith to the ground before he sees a King return to the throne of Men. If the beacons of Gondor are lit, Rohan must be ready for war."

Oh yeah, Pip had his little 'episode' last night!

"Tell me," Théoden groaned, holding his head. "Why should we ride to the aid of those who did not come to ours? What do we owe Gondor? Who is Gondor?"

"I will go," Aragorn offered, ignoring the old king.

"No," Gandalf muttered, giving him a 'shut up and let me finish' look.

"They must be warned," Aragorn protested, doing a flex pose.

"They will be," Gandalf assured him, then made a fist at Theoden. "Understand this, old-timer! Things are now in motion that cannot be undone. I ride for Minas Tirith. And I won't be going alone."

"Old-timer? You young rascal!"

Sighing, I left them alone to squabble, wondering when I would be able to go to Gondor to meet Faramir.


	30. Sydney 8

The journey "home" was very slow going, and I was much less enthusiastic about reaching my destination than I had been leaving. Fatty Lumpkins had been going at a walk, a pace I was much more comfortable with (I was so sore from bouncing around at a run!).

The pony stopped suddenly, catching me off guard to the point where I lost my balance and almost fell.

"Maaaw," he pointed his nose off to the right. A large city met my eyes, dotting a hillside with modest huts. Atop the summit of the hill stood a large, stone structure. Oh, oh, I knew the name of that place!

…

Okay, so I knew the name at one point. But it was the place where the horse people lived, including Eowyn (who was now Olivia). I considered stopping in for a visit when something else caught my eye. Emerging from the city was a mass of mounted people, heading off in the direction from which I just came.

Curious, I decided to follow them. The Shire was faaaaaar too boring, and it'd be pretty cool to maybe see Olivia again. I turned Lumpkins around, and began trailing the horde of riders.

_Wow_, I thought. There were thousands of riders! Soon, they picked up a faster gait, and I had to (unhappily) urge my borrowed pony to go faster to keep up. My rear end screamed at me in pain with every bump of his little stride. Yet all the riders ahead of me seemed perfectly at ease with the bumpy ride… How did they do this every day?

It was sunset by the time they slowed. Ahead was an enormous cliffside, a narrow, winding path cutting into the side. In pairs of two, about two hundred of the riders made their way to the top.

Luckily, none of the remaining people at the foot of the cliff seemed to notice me much. I figured Olivia would probably be on top of the cliff, with some other important-ish people. I directed Lumpkins to the winding path up the side.

The stubborn pony planted his hooves the minute he saw where I was intending to go. "Maaaaw!" he protested when I clapped my heels to his sides. He then sat down, which caused me to go tumbling off of his rear end. The stubborn pony then ran off into a clump of trees to the left of the path.

I couldn't just let him run off like that. "Fatty Lumpkins! Get back here!" I shouted, chasing after him. For someone who'd been traveling nonstop for the past week, he was a fast little guy.

I finally caught sight of him, eating grass in a meadow enclosed by the trees.

"What…" I panted, "do you think you're doing, mister?"

I was only answered with a short, "Maw," before he returned to his dinner. I decided to stay in the meadow for the night. Certainly, I'd just get in the way out there, and someone would eventually notice that I didn't belong in their ranks. Yep, it was much safer in this meadow.

* * *

><p>AN: When I write, I like to actually write from the person's point of view as they see it. Sydney doesn't know anything about horses, and she doesn't know much about Middle-earth history, names, or geography either. Therefore, I try to reflect that when I write through her POV as opposed to my own (Erica, someone who knows too much about Middle-earth). Just a note :)


	31. Erica 8

"Finally!" I sighed in relief as we touched down in Rivendell (we'd flown for the last part of the journey to speed things up a bit). Unfortunately, we'd landed directly outside of Elrond's room, where he was sure to catch us.

Sure enough, he turned around as we landed, as if he expected us. Well, being able to see into the future and all, I was sure he did know we were coming. Or maybe he heard our awful renditions of Shania Twain that we sang to pass the time on our journey. I hoped it was the former.

"Arwen," he sullenly met my eyes, "You should not be here…"

"I told you I wasn't going away on any ship," I crossed my arms like an angry two-year old and met his gaze.

"I looked into your future, and I saw death." Cheery. "Are you certain this is the life you wish?"

"More than anything, Ada," I gave him a melancholy smile.

He took my hand and led me to my room. There, he said some words or something out of a book, I'm not sure what, because I fell asleep half way through it. Seriously, that guy talked waaaay too much.

* * *

><p>When I woke up, I didn't really feel that different. Probably because I was a human already. I pulled out my hastily scribbled checklist and marked off the first bulletin:<p>

1. Become Mortal - check.

2. Reforge Narsil

3. Deliver Anduril to Aragorn

4. ?

5. PROFIT!

I walked into Elrond's office, where he was going over…bills?

"Elves have to pay mortgage rates, too," he informed me, almost as if he could read my mind. He swiveled around in his chair. "How are you feeling?"

"Just fine," I answered casually. "Hey, don't you think we should reforge the broken sword?"

"Actually, I've already got someone working on that."

I raised an eyebrow. "Who's the unfortunate sap who you forced to stay behind while the rest of his kin sailed off across the sea?"

"I dunno," Elrond shrugged. "Never did figure out his name."

* * *

><p>Dang, that guy was taking a while to reforge the sword. I missed the magic of Hollywood, which shortened the entire sequence to ten seconds. It wasn't until six hours later that Anduril was finally done.<p>

Changing into a burgundy battle dress Arwen had worn in the movies when she was originally planned to go to Helm's Deep, I grabbed my sword and a small bag of supplies and threw them on Blackjack. I rode out to where Elrond was saddling his own horse.

"Let me take the sword to Aragorn," I pleaded. There was no way I was staying in Rivendell and missing out on what action the story had left!

Elrond seemed to be considering my offer, then handed me Anduril. "Be careful, my daughter," he instructed, meeting my eyes. I nodded, and with a clap of my heels to my pegasus' flanks, we flew off into the night sky.

"Dunharrow, here we come!"

* * *

><p>AN: *insert Indiana Jones Theme Song Here*

I promise this gets more exciting in the next chapters!


	32. Hannah 8

I'd like to say that spending a lot of time doing absolutely nothing in the elf-haven, but I don't want to lie. It was boring (no, I am not exaggerating the amount of o's necessary for that statement)!

Haldir was mending, but all he did was sleep, so I couldn't use him to practice sword fighting with. Rumil and Orophin had their eyes on the same elleth, and they were competing for her hand, which left little time to entertain their younger sister. Hunter always had ideas for fun things to do, but his idea of 'fun' was hunting for rabbits and setting houses on fire.

A week after we had returned from Helm's Deep, I was seriously considering giving in to his urges of 'Come on, it'll be fun to set Caras Galdhon on fire and watch all the trees burn!'

To distract myself (and wondering why I hadn't thought of this sooner), I took out my iPad mirror.

"Erica!"

After a moment, she appeared on the screen, wearing a purple traveling cloak.

"Silk?" she asked, apparently engaged in some sort of guessing game.

"Nope." Was that Blackjack she was riding?

"Sky?"

"Wow, you're good!"

"Blackjack, you've done sky for the past four turns!"

"Erica! Long time seen!" I called, interrupting the pegasus' reply.

She jumped, staring into the mirror. "Hannah! What's up?"

"Absolutely nothing," I groaned. "You know that feeling you get when you haven't had anything to do and nobody to talk to for a really long time?"

"I can't say that I do," she replied with a grimace. "I'd invite you to Rivendell, but only Ser Eyebrows is there."

"I thought he was supposed to be delivering Anduril to Aragorn right now?"

"He was going to, but I convinced him to let me do it instead." She grinned.

"You mean you survived the Look of Disapproval with the Eyebrows of Doom?" I gasped.

"It was close for a minute there, but I managed to escape before he could start shooting lasers."

"Hey, boss, there's a big rainstorm up ahead! Can your doohickey survive water?" shouted Blackjack, flicking his ears towards an angry, bruise-colored group of clouds.

"I don't kno-"

Erica's face was replaced by a 'Your user session has timed out. Please refresh your search and try again' screen, the audio going fuzzy.

"I guess that answers that question," I sighed, boredom setting in again.

"Why don't you try saying random names of important people, and when they pick up, say something confusing," Hunter offered.

I rubbed my chin thoughtfully. It wasn't a bad suggestion… What harm could come of it?

The term _famous last words_ echoed around in my head. I told it to shut up, I adjusted my mirror.

"All right. Who first?"

He smirked in triumph. "Hmmmm… How about Gandalf?"

My mirror vibrated, then the screen went completely white. After a moment, it was picked up by a curious, curly-haired hobbit.

"Pippin! What are you doing with Gandalf's iPad?" I demanded.

He screeched. "Gandalf! I didn't know you had an iPad! Is that SIRI? Why is she an elf? I thought she was a computer! What does this button do-"

"FOOL OF A TOOK! UNHAND THAT IPAD!" Gandalf bellowed, snatching up his mirror. "Who is this? Who are you?"

"Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelled of elderberries!" I yelled, flinging the mirror Frisbee-style towards the wall.

"Fool of an elf! You dare to prank call the great Gandalf the White? Why, I ought to-"

Hunter snuck over and hit the end button. "Who's next?"

"How about Denethor?" I asked, picking it up.

The mirror made a 'Page 404 Not Found' sign again. "Ok, so he doesn't have a mirror. How about Thranduil?"

With another vibrate, flashing lights began to pulse on the screen. 'I'm Sexy and I Know It' was blaring over the speakers, and bubbles were floating around a dance floor. On that dance floor, King Thranduil led a flash mob of elves in drunkenly doing the Macarena to the music, a nearly-empty bottle of wine in his hand. He was wearing florescent, bedazzled orange robes with bright purple Rage Faces on it, and the others wore shimmery purplish-pinkish tunics with orange leggings.

Wide eyed, I hit the 'End' button before he could catch sight of us. That would have been awkward beyond comparison…

"That was… horrifying." Hunter shuddered, blowing a puff of smoke out of his nose. "Sparkly orange dress? Disgusting."

"I don't know, I thought it had a bit of pizzazz," I disagreed.

He gave me an odd look. I smiled innocently and waved.

"Just… no. That's not natural," he protested.

"It's a shame you think that," I giggled.

Next on my list of things to do to kill boredom: make Hunter a sparkly orange saddle blanket and bridle accessory set. Like a boss!


	33. Olivia 8

You know that feeling you get when you're trying to eat lunch in peace, and then some idiot bursts through the door and startles the servant into spilling soup on your head? I had that feeling when Aragorn sprinted in like a chicken with its head chopped off, shouting that the Beacons of Minas Tirith were lit.

"Gondor calls for aid!" he yelled, his face about a foot away from King Theoden's face. Grimacing, I shook bits of chicken and leeks out of my hair.

"Say what? Eh?"

"The beacons are lit!"

"Speak up, youngster!"

Aragorn folded his arms. "I'm older than you, you great, stupid pastry!"

"Huh?"

"THE BEACONS OF MINAS TIRITH ARE LIT!"

"Well, there's no need to raise your voice, lad!" Theoden chastised.

Everyone gave him an expectant look.

"I would like some mustard for my sandwich," he ordered the servant who had drenched me in soup. The guy shot me an apologetic glance, then hurried off.

Aragorn facepalmed. "Are you going to help them?"

"What did you say?"

I rolled my eyes. "You heard the man! Mustard the Rohirrim! Rohan will answer the call!"

Gamling snickered at the broth that was dripping down my back, but bowed and left the hall.

Sprinting to my room, I changed into a clean dress and threw a few changes in my pack, concealing my short sword under a hairbrush. Not knowing what it was really called, I had changed its name to Pointy… I thought it was some sort of Game of Thrones reference, but Hannah and Erica had been the ones to tell it to me. I hadn't actually read the books, but they seemed to think there was something humorous about it being associated with the word 'Needle.' Needle wasn't a good name for a sword of Rohan, so I stuck with the term 'Pointy.'

I stored my iPad mirror thing in my pack, then rushed down to the stables to tack up Windfola.

"We're going out to battle!/ There's no time to prattle!/ Hurry up, let's go!/ It'll be exciting fo sho!" she nickered, prancing around in her stall.

"Hold still so I can put on your girth, you silly horse!" I cried. She tried, but every so often her muscles would twitch and she would let out another stream of poetry.

Finally, I was leading her out into the courtyard of Edoras, scolding her into standing still so I could mount.

"You ride with us?" came a voice from behind me.

I turned to give them owl eyes, slightly startled when I saw that it was Aragorn. "Just to the encampment. It's tradition."

Raising one eyebrow, he pointed to Pointy, which was hanging out of my bag, blade first.

"Oh, er… How did that sword get there? That's odd, and it certainly wasn't in there on purpose," I lied.

"I bet it wasn't," he muttered.

Ignoring him, I mounted Windfola and trotted off (though the effect was ruined when it took me several tries to pull myself up without a mounting block).

* * *

><p>It was a loooong ride. Though Rohan is one of my favorite places in Middle-earth, it got pretty redundant after half a day. The saddle sores developing on the inside of my knees didn't make it any more bearable, nor did my obnoxious horse pouring out poetry about anything and everything she saw- horses, men, grass, rocks, grass, sky, grass, grass…<p>

When we arrived at Firienfeld, I was about ready to strangle her. Luckily, she toned it down a bit when we rode up the side of the mountain- it was a long way to fall if she was tripped.

The first night, I helped Merry, esquire of Rohan, adjust his shiny new helmet

"There! Now you look like a true squire!" I declared, amused at the way he fussed with it. The smile became harder to maintain when he drew his sword and stabbed me in the toe.

"Oops," he smirked, not looking the least bit sorry. "You're not bleeding? Curses- I mean, I'd better go get this thing sharpened!"

The little imp scurried out of my tent before I could react.

Oh well, I thought, exiting the tent myself. He's just a sweet little hobbit, he didn't mean it!

Eomer was hopping around on one leg, spouting off a string of swears, clutching his knee.

"What happened, did you stub your toe?" I snickered, my own pain forgotten.

"No, that midget just stabbed me! On purpose!"

I sighed. "It was probably an accident."

"No, I don't think it was. He asked me how I would like to be using a crutch for the rest of my life." My brother sat down heavily next to Gamling, red staining the torn fabric of his pants.

At the sight of blood, my stomach turned. "Um, I'm going to go make sure he hasn't had any other accidents."

Hurrying off, I took a deep breath. How was I supposed to fight in the Battle of Pelennor Fields if I couldn't stand the sight of people bleeding?


	34. Sydney 9

For a Hobbit, I certainly found nature quite boring. I hadn't even been in this meadow for twenty minutes, and already I was insanely bored. On a whim, I decided to call some of my friends.

"Olivia," I spoke into the iPad/Mirror I just pulled out. After a moment, Eowyn's face appeared on the screen. From the angle I saw, she appeared to be staring blankly at the plain, white wall of her tent.

It took her a few minutes to notice me, but when she did, she picked up the mirror with a smile. "Sydney, how are you?" she greeted.

"Bored," I answered truthfully.

"How could you be bored?" Olivia asked, looking shocked. "You're surrounded by adorable Hobbits in the Shire, and it's so pretty and peaceful!"

"Er, yeah, about that… I'm actually at the bottom of that giant cliff you're camped on," I admitted.

She looked surprised. "Why?" I shrugged, because I honestly didn't have any idea.

"Well, I'm coming down to see you!" with that, she hanged up. Why did people always hang up on me?

Anyways, I decided to call my other two friends. I'd try Erica first.

"Arwen," I spoke into the iPad/mirror.

I couldn't see her, instead I saw clouds flying past the screen. I could distinctly hear her voice, however, and I was fairly sure she didn't know I had called.

"A whole new world!" I heard her sing, "A dazzling place I never knew. But when I'm way up here, it's crystal clear, I'd gladly spend this whole new world- Sydney?" Aha, she finally caught sight of her phone/mirror thingy!

She blushed as she picked up her phone. "Um… How long have you been there?"

"I just called," I lied. Better for her embarrassment level to not let her know I had heard that little "concert".

She seemed to take in my surroundings. "Where are you?"

"Um, that place where the Rohan army meets before going to war in Return of the King." Honestly, I sucked at remembering Middle-earth names. "The better question is, where are _you_?"

"Hm…" she glanced down. "Somewhere above Fangorn, I'd guess. The place with the talking trees," she added. She must've noticed my confused expression. "I'm actually on my way to where you are, coincidentally."

"Awesome!" I'd have Olivia and Erica with me at the same time! "Will you have time to meet me?"

"I might," she shrugged. "Anyways, gotta go, getting some turbulence up here!" She hanged up on me, too. Geez!

Finally, I called Hannah. I hadn't actually spoken with her yet, but I assumed she'd be in Middle-earth as well.

"Lorien Pizza Hut, how many I help you?" a blond haired elf answered.

Er… "Oops, wrong number!" I tried calling Hannah again.

"Hola, Lorien Taco Bell. ¿En qué puedo ayudarle?" the same elf answered.

Again, I hanged up. Was this mirror broken or something? For a last time, I tried Hannah's number.

"Lorien Movie Theater, Sauron speaking. How many I help you?" that dang blonde haired elf answered again. Wait a minute… The same elf kept answering, yet pretended to be from different locations?

"Hannah, is that you?" I asked.

"Nooooooo," the elf replied in a silly voice.

"Oh, okay," I sighed and hanged up. I jumped when my iPad began buzzing, receiving a call. It was from the blonde elf!

"Hello?" I answered.

"Now I know, this is definitely Sydney!" she laughed. "It's Hannah, you sillyhead!"

"Oh. Why do you work at Taco Bell?"

I saw her facepalm. "What were you calling to say?"

"I'm in that place where the Rohan people came before going to war. Erica's on her way here, and Olivia's here, too."

"Hey, cool, so'm I! See you soon!" she hanged up as well. Was I just that awful to talk to?

* * *

><p>AN: No, Hannah doesn't really work in the fast food business. She's actually a highly trained assassin.

Okay, so the joke about Olivia and the white wall has come up three times now, I think it deserves an explaination. Every time Hannah and Olivia come over, we play truth or dare at night (mirrored in the intro chapter). Except that, instead of the typical "Who's your crush?" type truth questions, we give each other stories. (i.e. You're in Rivendell and a ninja appears, what do you do?). Whenever someone asks Olivia a question, however, we start it with "So, you're in your house in Ithillien, sitting on your couch, staring at a blank, white wall, when..." I can't even remember who originated that, but now it's a staple to Olivia's character.

Have I mentioned I love Disney?


	35. Erica 9

"Okay… I can do this."

One step.

"No sweat!"

Two steps.

"Easy peasy…"

"See?" I patted the nervous Pegasus. "You can make this just fine." We were at the foot of Dunharrow, and Blackjack wasn't liking the narrow, steep path in front of us. Night had fallen, and the darkness was just adding to his anxiety.

We were halfway up when a loose stone cobbled under his front hoof. He lurched forward to steady himself, and in doing so, angled his ears downward.

"I told you not to look down!" I shouted as he froze in fear.

"Hey, boss, I can't do this!" he neighed, yet moved neither forward or backward.

I sighed. "Come on, we're already halfway up, and the path is too narrow to turn around." I gave him a swift kick on his flanks to prove my point.

"Gah!" he screeched, and galloped the rest of the way up the incline. He sighed a breath of relief once we made it to the top.

"You could've just flown, you know," I laughed, sliding off and grabbing Anduril. A few onlookers followed me with curious eyes, but I marched straight to the largest tent.

"Halt! Who goes there?" a guard stopped me once I reached the entrance.

"It is I, Arthur, King of the Britains!" I announced in a deep voice. I laughed as the guard eyed me oddly, yet disappeared inside to relay the news regardless. He emerged a moment later, holding back the tent flap. "King Théoden will see you now."

Théoden glanced up briefly as I strode inside, then immediately returned to studying his map. "An elf," his voice sounded tense, "Surely you're not here to see me?"

"I come bearing news for Aragorn," I answered politely. The King motioned to one of the men standing at the doorway. "Fetch Lord Aragorn," he instructed them.

I shifted nervously in the uncomfortable silence, Théoden continuing to pour over his maps while I waited with my back to the door.

After a few minutes, I heard someone enter behind me. Théoden, too, glanced up, then said, "I take my leave," and exited the tent. I spun around to face Aragorn, lowering the hood of my cloak in the process.

"Arwen?" he asked, amazed. Without hesitation, he strode forward and embraced me in a hug. "You're supposed to be sailing to Valinor," he whispered, still hugging me.

I scoffed, meeting his eyes as the hug ended. "I get seasick," I laughed.

Shaking his head, he softly chuckled. "What are you doing here, though?" he asked.

"I'm a delivery girl, now," I pulled out Anduril, holding it horizontally in front of him across my arms.

Aragorn stared at the sword, wide eyed. With one swift movement, he swung the sword out of its scabbard and held it in front of him. I laughed inwardly, remembering when I had attempted to do the same thing back in my old life with the same sword. I had forgotten that it was five feet long, however, and ended up stabbing a small hole in my ceiling.

"Anduril, Flame of the West," I was kinda sad to see it go, I really did love that sword. "You cannot win this war with the number you have. You need more soldiers."

He sighed. "I know, but there are no more men."

"Not true," I rebutted, "There are the Rick-Rolling zombies of the mountain."

"They are murderers," he scorned, "cowards. They will follow no one."

"They would follow the King of Gondor," I hinted.

He stared at his new sword for a few seconds, then nodded. "I know now what I must do. Arwen," he met my eyes, "What now will you do?"

"Well," I smiled, "I'm not missing out on any of this action, and you could use some help."

A concerned look came over Aragorn's face. "No, it's far too danger-" I cut him off, shushing him by putting a finger to his lips.

"No arguing," I laughed, "You can never win an argument with a woman, and that's a fact."

Then, taking me completely by surprise, he leaned down and kissed me. I think I'd eventually get used to that, but for now it still felt kinda awkward.

"Very well," he grinned when we broke apart, "We'll make for the mountains in the morning." His expression turned more somber. "It won't be easy, you know."

"Nothing worth it is ever easy," he smiled again at my comment. "But I don't care about any of that at the moment. Right now, all I need is a place to rest, because I haven't slept for a week and this mortal thing is wearing me out!"

He took my hand and led me outside. "Where are we going?" I inquired.

"My tent. You said you were tired."

Wait, _what_? Hastily, I pulled my hand away from his, crossed my arms, and planted my feet. Now, I don't know how far along in their relationship he and Arwen had been, and quite frankly, I didn't want to know the details. But there was a certain, definite line that I was _not_ willing to cross.

He must've known what I had insinuated, because he shook his head with a humored sigh. "I'm arranging to have a separate cot brought in, of course!" he explained.

Oh. "Well, make sure you have some hay delivered, too," I added, trying to smooth over the awkward moment. "My Pegasus is hungry."

"You bet I am!" Blackjack popped up behind me.

Aragorn gave his commands to a nearby errand boy, then escorted me to his tent. Awaiting me was a new, freshly made cot, with a flake of alfalfa lying next to it.

Not even caring, I collapsed onto the cot, and slept one of the most blissful sleeps I'd had since waking up in this fantasy land.

* * *

><p>AN: Finally, a longer-ish chapter where I actually do something for once!

Rick-Rolling zombies of the mountain? Hannah once showed me a video where, instead of the King of the Dead that Aragorn saw when looking at the path to the Hill of Enech, he saw Rick Astly instead singing that awful song that we all love and hate.

So, this is the point where I diverge a bit from FL93's original story. There was just too much fun to be had here!


	36. Hannah 9

After Hunter had set another house on fire, I decided that we would either have to get out of Lorien, or go insane from boredom… sorry, go even more insane than we already were. Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas were going to travel the Paths of the Dead soon; I could go to Firienfeld to see them off!

I rode dressed up like a ninja, in my Lorien cloak for going incognito, wearing a commandeered tunic from Orophin, my two knives and Haldir's longsword strapped to my belt, a few other assorted daggers, and Rumil's bow slung over my shoulder. I had lost mine during the battle of Helm's Deep, so I 'borrowed' his.

Spending several days on horseback gave me time to name all my weapons. Since Haldir's sword was never named, I debated between calling it Oathkeeper (Game of Thrones reference), Pants, or Nyan Cat, eventually deciding on Nyan Cat. The knives, I dubbed Leekspin and Derp, and the bow soon came to be known as Troll Face. The palm-length blade in my boot was Me Gusta, and the pocketknife in my tunic was Pedobear.

All perfectly wonderful and completely normal names. Hehe.

* * *

><p>Currently, Hunter and I were having a 'discussion' about the blanket and head accessory I had made for him before we left the Golden Wood. It was fantastically florescent orange, bedazzled, big bright purple Rage Faces adorning it.<p>

"If you put that on me, I might spontaneously combust!" he protested loudly, dancing away from me as I tried to throw it over his withers.

"Spontaneous combustion only happens when nothing catalyzes the explosion. This would obviously be a catalyst, therefore your hypothesis is invalid! You'll be fine, I promise!" I sighed, trying to get him to stand still.

"I'm begging you, keep that monstrosity away from me!" he squeaked, his hooves churning up the earth.

"Not a chance! I had it made especially for you, and you're going to wear it even if I have to tie you down to get it on!" I gritted my teeth.

"No! I won't- wait, why am I arguing? I could just burn it!" He drew in a big breath in preparation, but I grabbed his muzzle before he could let it loose.

"You listen to me, mister! Do you know how long it took me to get this done? I didn't go through all that trouble just to have you destroy it because you don't like the color! YOU ARE GOING TO WEAR THIS AND YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE IT!" I screamed.

"But you didn't make it, you just asked Saeros to make it for you!... I mean, yes ma'am," said my horse meekly, letting his ears flop in defeat.

"That's more like it," I sniffed, giving him a pat on the forehead and throwing on the blanket. It was flamboyant, tacky, blinding, glittery, and absolutely adorable.

"Don't you feel like a pretty little prince now?" I cooed, fastening the tasseled headdress.

He grumbled something unintelligible under his breath.

Stepping back to admire my- and Saeros'- handywork, I decided that I absolutely HAD to show him off to someone.

"Sydney," I told my iPad. After a moment, her drooling face appeared on the screen.

Darn those sleeping hobbits! Hitting the end button, I dialed in Olivia's number. Immediately, the sound of crashing and screams assaulted me.

"Merry! Stop that! They're not orcs, you shouldn't be stabbing them!" I heard her yell.

"Sure, I can call back later," I muttered, hanging up again. "Erica?"

The iPad showed Arwen, asleep, mumbling 'No, Wesker! Don't take over the world!'

End. Hunter snickered in the background, thrilled that his humiliation wouldn't be known to anyone except me.

Dangit. Why did everyone have to be asleep at midnight? Hmmm…Maybe I could track down Legolas up in the main camp.

"Okay, Hunter! Change of plans. We're going all the way up the campsite!"

"What? In this beastly thing?" he cried.

"You bet your face, in that beastly thing! Come on!"

I swung up onto his back, careful not to ruffle the blanket, and set off for those really scary, steep, rocky paths that you had to climb in order to get to the camp. Of course, when we got there, Hunter had to gallop up them as fast as he could, not even slowing down for the corners, and sending tiny stones clattering down after us.

I was clutching his mane with white knuckles as we cantered past the awestruck guards, both of whom were probably too impressed by Hunter's epic blanket to stop us. Merry ran in across our path, clutching his knife, making me remember calling Olivia. Stupid hobbit.

"Catch him, Hunter," I murmured. Snorting in reply, my horse bounded after the infernal creature and snatched him up by the collar of his shirt before he could so much as blink.

"It wasn't me! I'm innocent!" he squealed, slashing the air. "What on earth are you wearing?"

"Shut up! It's a work of art," I sniffed. "And hobbits are never innocent. Hunter, make sure he doesn't escape. I'm going to find somewhere to crash."

Hunter blew a puff of smoke in reply, a smug, mischievous glint in his eye.

I dismounted, poking my head into random tents to try to locate the one I was looking for. After a lot of smelly, drooling, snoring, dirty men, I finally came across Legolas. He had cucumbers over his eyes, rollers in his hair, and green herbal moisturizer on his face, while Gimli was snoring louder than a roaring bear. Knowing that I could never sleep with such a noise, I plugged his nose until he rolled over. Ah, blessed silence…

Yawning, I pulled up a separate mattress for myself and laid down, drifting off into the first real sleep I had since I left Lorien.

If Gimli started snoring again, I was going to throw him outside.


	37. Olivia 9

At about one in the morning, I lost track of Merry… the cute little fellow was so mischievous and adorable! I love hobbits. Too tired to look for him, I collapsed into my bed. However, sleep just refused to come. Once I thought I saw the outline of a scraggly horse wearing some sort of blanket outside my tent, but it was just a dream (Hopefully). I tossed and turned for a few hours, but apparently being exhausted is less sleep-inducing than one would think.

Giving up around dawn, I stumbled out of my tent, staring groggily at the sunset.

"Where is the nearest Middle-earth Starbucks?" I groaned, standing next to Théoden.

"Aragorn is leaving," he replied, clacking his dentures.

"Thanks, but I need to find some coffee, not a Ranger."

"I like mustard on my toast."

Rolling my eyes, I shuffled away from him…

… only to knock Arwen into the mud and stumble into Aragorn.

Owling him, I decided that a good way to wake myself up was to make the guy as uncomfortable as possible. I resisted the urge to help Erica up, because we weren't supposed to know each other.

"Lord Aragorn! You can't just leave! Why would you abandon all of us?" I moaned.

Arwen cleared her throat loudly in back of me. Oops.

"Eowyn," Aragorn squeaked, staring from me to his girlfriend. "It is but a shadow of a doubt that you love. I have wished you joy since I first saw you."

"Good answer," I muttered, spinning around and making a playful, yet hopefully apologetic face at Arwen.

* * *

><p>About fifteen minutes later, I was cantering Windfola alongside a buttload of men in battle armor. Merry was tied up on the path ahead, swinging from a flimsy branch that dangled above the road. I had packed all of his things, along with a hobbit-sized set of armor and his sword and a few supplies for myself. When I rode under him, he tried to kick my head with his filthy, giant, hairy, adorable feet. I grabbed him by the ankle, tugging gently, and the branch broke. With a squeak, he landed on the saddle in front of me.<p>

"Hey, cutie pie! We're going to battle now!" I cooed at him, giving him a hug.

"I don't want to go to battle! I want to go sneak around at night some more and test out my blade!" he whined, his voice a few octaves higher than it should have been.

I frowned. "Yes you do! You're supposed- what is that?"

He smirked and held up a violin-shaped instrument of dark wood and a horsehair bow. "A Noreegwing Figgle."

"Excuse me?"

"That's what the name tag says."

Snatching the 'figgle' out of his teeny adorable hobbit hands, I gave it a hard stare. "It's Norwegian Fiddle, silly!"

"Whatever. I jacked it off a corpse- I mean, I found it in… in… the tree!" He gave me an innocent stare.

"Aww, you sure did!" I tousled his curly hair. Everyone knows that the best fiddles come from trees!

"We're down, I do cry!/ And we did not die!" Windfola sang as we reached the end of those freaky paths.

"Maaaaaaaaaaaaw!" came a call from a small clearing to the side of the path. To my astonishment, a short golden pony burst out of the shrubbery with a hobbit clinging precariously to its back.

"Sydney?" I cried.

"Olivia!" she shouted. "Make him stop!"

The pony tottered up alongside Windfola with another 'Maaaw.'

"What are you doing?" I whispered, trying to ignore the stares of the men around us.

"It's this darn Fatty Lumpkins! He keeps running off with me!" she complained, causing Lumpkins to grin. "I guess we're tagging along with you!"

"Ok… Well, you know we're going to Pelennor fields, right?" I seemed to remember Erica and Hannah talking about how she didn't know the names of any events in Lord of the Rings, but surely she knew the name of this? It was, after all, the battle where the Witch-King was killed! She had to know that! Right?

"Er, yeeeees…"

Ok, so maybe she didn't. I went off on a big spiel about what happened in the battle that consisted mostly of Eowyn's heroism and the hobbit's adorableness. It was probably just my imagination that she and Merry zoned out after the first sentence.

* * *

><p>Note from Erica: Okay, sorry for the wait, but this week has been insane! Both Hannah and I had two exams and one essay due on Wednesday, mixed with Calculus homework every night (For Erica, I'd imagine Hannah had math homework as well) and a 10-picture photoshoot due (for Erica) and a cat-dissecting project (for Hannah). Yeah, it hasn't been a fun week.<p> 


	38. Sydney 10

Great…more riding. Why was I doing this, again? I didn't know a thing about battle, I was tired of riding… I'd never even held a sword or any sort of weapon before! If anything, I was just a burden.

Lumpkins did his best to keep up with the full sized horses, which left me struggling to hang on as he lurched forward. Luckily, Olivia (with Merry) slowed her pace to stay by me.

I never did get to see Erica or Hannah… I wondered where they went. Hannah was always up for adventure, and Erica was definitely not the type to miss out on a battle. With a shrug, I decided they must be somewhere in the group.

Aside from the annoyingly painful bumping of the ride, the journey was insanely boring. That was, until I heard Olivia furiously giggling. I glanced up, and saw she was holding her iPod Touch in one hand, typing something onto the screen.

"What's so funny?" I asked through gritted teeth.

Olivia giggled again. "Give me the name of a college."

What? "Um… Harvard."

"Now a College Major."

"Pharmaceutical?"

"Now the name of a guy."

"Frodo!" Well, that should've been obvious.

She kept asking me a whole bunch of those kinds of questions, giggling after each one and typing on her iPod. Finally, she burst out laughing.

"What?" I was really annoyed at this point.

"Well… You'll live in a shack-" she began.

I cut her off. "You have a MASH app?"

"Shh! As I was saying, you'll live in a shack, graduate from the Farmer's Academy majoring in Bounty Hunting, you'll marry Boromir and be proposed to during a battle. You'll get married at 46, and get married in Edoras. Your wedding colors will be baby pink and cream, spend your honeymoon in Barad-Dur, and you will settle down in Shangri-La. You will have 18 kids, two girls and sixteen boys, and make $30,000 per year. You will spend your days as a single mother, get around on a gold pony, and have a Guinea Pig named Dog. Your spouse will make $1,000 a year as a chef. Your spouse will travel in a moped, and you will die unnaturally at 83. The end!" she, again, began giggling.

I rolled my eyes, and we continued our trip in silence. Oddly enough, no one ever pointed out the hobbit and pony among their ranks.

It took somewhere around six hours, I'd guess, but eventually we arrived at the battlefield. The sounds of swords clinging, enemies chanting, and people screaming could be heard already. And we were going to go charging headfirst into this?

Theoden, from in front of the group, began to shout something. Probably a motivating speech or something, I wasn't really paying attention. Then came the call we'd all been anticipating yet dreading…

"**Charge**!"

* * *

><p>AN: Yes, Olivia has a MASH app, which I, too, happen to have. I filled one out as I wrote this for even more authenticity, so the results I posted were the actual ones I got when I made this joke test for Sydney.


	39. Erica 10

"Good morning, sunshine!" I was greeted the next morning by black whiskers in my face.

"And hello to you, too, Blackjack," I pushed away his muzzle, sitting up with a sigh. It felt waaay too early to get up, and peeking outside confirmed my suspicions. The night sky was slowly fading on the horizon, hinting towards the sun's coming. Or, in less-poetic terms, it was early enough that the sun hadn't risen.

I groaned. "It's unnatural to get up this early," I complained, shuffling back to bed. My Pegasus strode forward, blocking my path.

"Uh uh uh," he scolded, shaking his head with a smile. "You agreed to go. Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli are packing as we speak." He pushed me out the door with his nose, ushering me all the way to the edge of the camp where Aragorn stood, saddling Brego.

"Quite early, is it not?" Brego complained with a yawn. I was taken aback.

"Brego?" I stared at him, "You're British?"

"Please, darling," he laughed, "I'm _English_. Not British."

Aragorn turned to me with a smile. "Earlier than you're used to, huh?" He then focused on something behind me. I heard the sound of footsteps, and turned around fast enough to be pushed aside by Eowyn.

"Lord Aragorn!" she screeched, "You can't just leave! Why would you abandon all of us?"

I got up and swiped the dirt off my dress as Aragorn replied. Eowyn began to respond, but I didn't give her the chance.

Loudly clearing my throat behind her, I crossed my arms and tapped a foot impatiently.

She turned around and blinked at me, both happy and surprised. Man, if this wasn't really Olivia, I would've tackled the blonde off the top of Dunharrow by now.

"Eowyn," Aragorn caught her attention again, "It is but a shadow of a doubt that you love. I have wished you joy since I first saw you."

I stuck my tongue out playfully as Eowyn turned and walked away. Olivia didn't really love Aragorn, I knew that much, she was just playing the part. Although I'm not sure what that had to do with pushing me into the mud…

"I eat morning people for breakfast," a familiar voice jogged me out of my wondering. It belonged to none other than the infamous seal bay Thoroughbred walking towards us, a blonde haired elf at his side.

"Hunter!" Blackjack bounded off towards him in joy. "I haven't seen you in forever, man!" Hunter pinned his ears back and responded something, but I wasn't paying attention.

"Hannah?" I addressed the blonde elf.

"Mithrellas," she corrected with a smile, but I knew it had to be her because Hannah was the only person that could be around Hunter without being eaten.

Aragorn glanced over at us, curiously. "You two know each other?"

"Yeah, we've known each other for a while. But she still didn't invite me to her wedding," I smiled at the joke I knew only Hannah and I would get. Legolas, Gimli, and Arod wandered up before Aragorn could ask what the heck I meant.

"Yes, road trip!" I cheered, hopping on to Blackjack's back.

"_Another_ road trip?" he sighed as the rest of the group mounted up. We took off at a trot through the camp, various onlookers watching as we passed by and began the descent on the Hill of Erech.

I checked Blackjack's pace to match with Hunter's, who was taking up the rear behind Legolas, Gimli, and Arod. The Thoroughbred clearly didn't enjoy being in the back… Wait, when did Hunter ever enjoy anything?

I nudged Hannah with my elbow. "So, so, fill me in on your Middle-earth life!" I listened as she described her three blonde idiot brothers in Lothlorien, her strange encounter with Galadriel and Celeborn, sneaking off to Helm's Deep, and finally arriving here.

"And you and Legolas are…?" I inquired.

"Well, I wouldn't call it dating, but something along those lines," she giggled. Our conversation was abruptly halted, literally, when Hunter ran smack into Arod's haunches.

"What's your problem!" the Balrog-horse snapped, bearing his teeth.

"Sorry…man…" Arod panted. "I'm…not exactly… in shape, here…"

Blackjack snorted. "Reminds me of my old buddy, Porky."

Passing the wheezing steed, I rode up to walk alongside Aragorn. "What do you expect we'll find in here?"

He looked thoughtful for a moment. "I cannot say for certain," he finally answered, "but we'll have to keep our wits about us." We continued in silence for a few minutes.

"Hey!" Blackjack suddenly neighed, "Want to play a game?"

"Aye, laddie, what game be ye speakin' of?" Gimli answered from behind us.

I had a bad feeling about where this was going… "Well, I think of something and-"

"No!" I cut him off urgently. Anything but that game again!

"You know what we should do?" Legolas spontaneously suggested. "We should sing a song!"

Road trips. Never take them with elves, or you'll be singing the entire way. Unless you happen to have some wine offhand (which, sadly, I didn't).

* * *

><p>The exhausting journey took us an hour longer before we arrived at the doorway. Dismounting, a shiver immediately made its way down my spine as a blast of cold wind exited the cave. But there was something else odd about this cave…<p>

"Do you guys hear that?" I asked. An all too familiar keytar (that geeky guitar instrument with piano keys on it) tune flowed with the wind.

"Hear what?" Aragorn glanced around.

Brego perked his ears. "Oh…Oh, my! I shall not endure this torture!" Evidently, he recognized the song, and took off at a gallop back down the path.

"Waaaait for meeee!" Arod, too, made a break for it behind the bay warmblood.

"Listen, boss, I'm outta here!" before my "brave" Pegasus could follow suit, I grabbed him by the ear.

"Oh, no you don't!" I scolded him. "We're all in this together!"

"Once we know that we are we're all stars and we see that we're-" Hannah smacked Legolas upside the head, stopping his singing mid-sentence. And good riddance, the last thing this journey needed was crappy High School Musical songs.

"I do not fear them," Aragorn announced, striding confidently into the cave. I suppose I'd be pretty confident, too, if I was holding a five foot long, sharp sword.

"Right behind ya, big guy!" I shouted, entering the cave while dragging Blackjack behind me. Legolas skipped in happily, followed by Hannah and Hunter, while Gimli hesitated at the entrance. Finally, with a war cry, the dwarf charged in… Straight into Hunter's hocks.

* * *

><p>The cave was dank, damp, with a residual musty smell resounding throughout. Every few seconds, you could hear the <em>drip, drip<em> of a water droplet succumbing to gravity's forces. Our only light source was the eerie, green mist that resided around waist-level. Or eye level, if you asked Gimli. The farther we crept into the cave, the more distinguishable that awful song became.

Aragorn led the way, plunging fearlessly into the heart of the cavern. I followed directly behind, Blackjack at my shoulder. Gimli came next, followed by Hunter, Hannah, and Legolas taking up the rear. As I glanced back, I noticed that Hunter was hovering his muzzle unusually close to Gimli's hair. Odd…

The scent of wet rock and soil quickly faded into the acrid smell of something burning. I glanced around.

"Hey, guys, do you smell-"

"My hair!" Gimli screeched, charging ahead of all of us in a panic. Well, there was my answer. The dwarf's entire head had spontaneously combusted. As fast as his short legs could carry him, he charged to a nearby puddle and dunked his head in.

Finally, we made it to the center of the cave. A great chasm, spanned by a narrow, stone bridge, halted our path.

Aragorn shouted something, but whatever he said was lost in the music that began blaring. Green, foggy bodies conjured up around us. As Aragorn went to slash his sword, the largest green man, presumably their leader, met his blade. Even the clash of metal on metal was lost in the song.

The dead king opened his mouth to speak, but instead, began singing. "We're no strangers to love, you know the rules, and so do I!"

"Make it stop!" I screeched, holding my hands to my ears.

"A full commitment's what I'm thinking of. You wouldn't get this with any other guy!" Legolas joined in, to my horror.

"I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling, gotta make you understand-" even Blackjack piped up. What was this curse?

"Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you," the whole cave rang out.

Aragorn, evidently, couldn't take it. "I command you, as the King of Gondor, to stop singing!" He thrust Anduril into the air, and the entire cave grew silent.

The Dead King chuckled, a haunting sound that echoed throughout the cave. Abruptly stopping, he looked Aragorn in the eye and merely said, "No."

The cave shook, as if an earthquake had hit us right there and then. The zombie men faded, but their voices were still louder than ever.

"Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye, never gonna tell a lie and hurt you!" they sang as the skulls began to pour down on us.

* * *

><p>AN: Remember when I mentioned the Rick Rolling zombies of the mountain? Yeah, I wasn't letting that idea go.

You've been officially Rick Roll'd.

Also, never call an English person British. It's just like calling a Redhead a Ginger - We may not know the difference, but they most certainly do!


	40. Hannah 10

A skull with a duck-shaped crack on its occipital plate bounced off my foot. Disgusted, I kicked it off and dragged Hunter towards the exit. The idiot kept trying to catch the bones in his mouth to see if there were any bits of brain left in the cranial cavity, and his slow pace left me up to my knees in musty remains.

"Aaaaaaand if you ask me how I'm feeling…"

That song!... It was enough to make me ask myself why I had ever wanted to come here at all.

COMMENCE LE EPIC FLASHBACK SEQUENCE

* * *

><p>When my alarm clock (aka Hunter breathing his nasty flesh breath in my face) woke me up that morning, Gimli was still asleep, but Legolas was fixing his hair and humming to himself.<p>

"I'm up," I yawned.

"I'm still wearing this blanket," Hunter growled. "If it doesn't come off soon, someone is going to get hurt."

"All right, Mr. Grumpy Pants!" I gasped dramatically, rising and starting to undo its brilliant fastenings. "Good morning, Legolas!"

"Good morning too!" Legolas chirped. "How's you?"

"I am fine."

The balrog horse blew a puff of smoke in relief when I removed his blanket. "The burning sensation is gone!"

With a loud snore, the dwarf woke up. "Smoke? Laddie, you said you didn't have any pip-weed! What flavor is that? I don't think I've ever smelled anything like it before!... Oh, it's Mithrellas! Wassup, girl?"

"I think the more sensible question here is how long you would be falling if I chucked you off the cliff."

"Sooooo, you came back for some more of this? I can't blame her, can you laddie?" Gimli addressed Legolas, who was trying to strangle the dwarf with his eyes.

"Good talk," I mumbled. "So, yeah, Aragorn's going to leave for the Paths of the Dead soon. You guys are coming, right?"

"What?" they both cried.

Several minutes later, Hunter and I were headed for the entrance to the Paths while Legolas and Gimli got Arod. Blocking our paths was a cowering Aragorn, a very up-close-and-personal Eowyn, an uncomfortable-looking Blackjack, and a muddy Arwen with steam coming out of her ears.

Aragorn said something- probably the 'I don't love you' line, which was wise of him, because his girlfriend was standing a meter away from him, watching him being fawned over by a blonde mortal.

Doing her best Angst Face, Eowyn stormed off in a huff.

"Some people just aren't morning people," I muttered, hoping she wouldn't see me. The early hours plus pretend breakups plus my sister were bound to have a 'bite the nearest person's head off' side effects.

"I eat morning people for breakfast," Hunter declared loudly.

Blackjack leapt towards us joyously. "Hunter! I haven't seen you in forever, man!"

Hunter pinned his ears. "Forever has been too short."

I elbowed him, grinning innocently when Erica turned to look at me. "Hannah?"

"Mithrellas," I corrected.

Aragorn recovered from his encounter with Eowyn swiftly. "You two know each other?"

"Yeah, we've known each other for a while. But she still didn't invite me to her wedding," Erica smiled, and I stifled a giggle at the old joke. Legolas and Gimli approached, dragging Arod in all of his glorious pudginess (though I supposed he had to be pretty hefty if he had to haul the dwarf and elf around at the same time).

"Yes, road trip!" she cheered, hopping onto Blackjack.

"Another road trip," her Pegasus sighed in reply.

"That's the spirit!" Hunter smirked as I mounted. "If you keep thinking like that, you'll end up just like me in no time at all!"

"Because there just aren't enough yous in the world as it is." I poked his neck, watching Gimli struggle to pull himself up. Once he did, we started off for the break in the rocks in semi-single file.

"Why do we have to be last?" Hunter whined, bumping his chest into Arod's cushy hindquarters.

"Because you always complain about it, and you know how much we all love to hear your lovely voice," I deadpanned.

Blackjack slowed down until we were walking side by side.

"So, so, fill me in on your Middle-earth life!" Erica elbowed me (quite a feat, because my antisocial horse shied away from the contact of living beings like they were the plague).

I did, including every pointless, boring detail from Lorien, to Helm's Deep, to Lorien, and to Firienfeld.

"And you and Legolas are…? Best friends? Together? Long lost husband and wife? Enemies that try to kill each other on sight?" she prodded.

How was I supposed to describe our relationship? I wasn't even sure what we were myself! "I wouldn't call it dating, but we're probably something along those lines. What-" I was jolted from asking about her and Aragorn when Hunter ran smack into Arod, though it was more of a bounce than a jolt.

"What's your problem?" Hunter snapped, smoke curling from his nostrils.

"Sorry… puff…. Man," the marshmallow horse gasped. "I'm… puff… not exactly… puff… in shape here."

"Reminds me of my old buddy, Porky," Blackjack smirked, moving past the road block and up to Aragorn. Him, Erica, and Aragorn started talking about some sort of game… I had a feeling that if we played it, this journey wouldn't end well.

Fortunately, Legolas had a better option. "You know what we should do? We should sing a song!"

"What a great idea!" I laughed in relief. "How about some good ol' Weird Al?"

Legolas' eyes lit up. Clearing his throat, he warbled out the lyrics to 'Party in the CIA' to the tune of 'Party in the USA' by Miley Cyrus. "Payin' the bribes like yeah, pluggin' the leaks like yeah;  
>Interrogating the scum of the earth, we'll break them by the break of day! Yeeeaaahhh, it's a party in the CIA! Yeeeaaahhh, it's a party in the CIA! Need a country destabilized? Look no further, we're your guys! We've got snazzy suits and ties, And a better dental plan than the FBI's! Better put your hands up and get in the van, Or else you'll get blown away! Stagin' a coup like yeah, Brainwashin' moles like yeah, We only torture the folks we don't like…"<p>

"Did you guys hear that?" Erica interrupted loudly. Could it be that she didn't like Weird Al? Blasphemy!

"Hear what?" Aragorn asked, taking his hands off his ears.

Faintly, I heard… a beat?

"I can feel it too," I murmured in a low, dark voice. Could it be…?

Brego tossed his head, taking off at a full-out gallop for the exit. "Oh! Oh my! I shall not endure this torture!"

"Wait for meeeeeeeee!" Arod cried, making a truly valiant effort to follow him. He set off at a clumsy canter, belly fat jiggling like a solution of corn starch and water poured into syran wrap and placed over the top of a speaker with the bass turned on high.

"Boss, I'm out of here!" Blackjack made a break for safety, but Erica held him back.

"Oh, no you don't! We're all in this together!"

"-once we know! That we are! We're all stars! And we see that! We're-" Legolas began. I silenced him with a smack before he could go any further. Uhg… High School Musical… pleh!

"I do not fear them!" Aragorn declared, doing a pose with his sword before power-walking into the darkness.

"Right behind ya, big guy!" Erica called, dragging a quivering Blackjack with her.

"This reminds me of something that has to do with a trip to the Underworld," Hunter muttered, cocking his head as he passed eagerly in. "Now THIS is what I call spectacular decorating!"

Was it sad that he was serious? "Let's blow this popsicle stand!" I yelled.

"We're walking into a cave," Legolas supplied.

Gimli muttered to himself for a moment, then shouted and charged after us.

A faint melody could be deteced above the shuffling of our footsteps, and it grew louder and louder as we continued.

Perfect. It was THAT song.

Hunter discreetly breathed down the dwarf's neck, his eyes glowing red in the gloom.

"Hey guys, do you smell-" Erica started to ask. She was cut off by Gimli's head bursting into flame.

"Not the beard!" he shouted, then screamed like a little hobbit female child. Hunter let loose a malignant cackle as his victim dove for a nearby puddle to extinguish the fire.

"Now, that wasn't very nice," I giggled.

After a few moments, we made it into the main cavern. The ground ended and air began, thanks to a seemingly bottomless chasm with a cracked stone walkway across it.

Suddenly, the music began a crescendo, swelling until it could have drowned out Gandalf speaking in the Black Tongue at the Council of Agent Smith- I mean, Elrond.

Foggy green silhouettes materialized into the shapes of men, their flesh hanging off their bones in stringy pieces. The dead king appeared, belting out that horrible music.

Aragorn swung up Anduril to shut him up, but even the clash of their two swords didn't deter him. "We're no strangers to loooove! You know the rules! And so do IIIIIIIIIII!"

"Make it stop!" Erica shouted, plugging her ears.

"A full commitment's what I'm thinking of! You wouldn't get this from any other guy!" Legolas added his voice to the dead king's, much to my dismay.

"IIIIIII just wanna tell you how I'm feeling! Gotta make you understand-" Blackjack joined in.

"Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you!" Gimli, Hunter, the entire host of ghostly figures, and –to my immense surprise- I yodeled.

What was I doing? It must be some sort of spell! Yeah, I'll blame it on a spell!

We all started dancing like we were at a disco in the 80s. Curse that spell!

"I command you, as the King of Gondor, to stop singing!" Aragorn ordered, brandishing Anduril.

The cave fell silent at once, aside from Gimli, who went on to the next verse before he realized that everyone else had paused.

The dead king chuckled. "No."

"Oh, snap," Hunter muttered.

The ghosties faded out of sight, but an ominous rumbling had started up and the music was back.

"Never gonna give you up…"

END LE EPIC FLASHBACK SEQUENCE


	41. Olivia 10

Have I ever mentioned how much I love peace, quiet, and calm? I do. A lot.

Approaching the battlefield, there wasn't so much as a speck of any of those. Merry was shouting swear words, Lumpkins was 'Maaawing,' men were shouting, horses were whinnying, Windfola was spouting dramatic and violent poetry. Off in the distance, the orcs were shouting in their foul language and making a horrible racket.

It was enough to make me want to take out my fiddle and drown out all that noise (Except for Merry, because he was too adorable to want to shush)!

Theoden made a long, boring speech about some really depressing things, but instead of shouting 'Death' like he did in the movies, we charged to the battle cry of 'Mustard!'

Oh, boy. This was going to be an interesting day.

* * *

><p>AN from Hannah: Yay, pointless filler!

A/N from Erica: On vacation, I've got two hours of internet before I'm getting booted off and have an analysis to research and type, and I'm wisely spending my time on Fanfiction. Hooray procrastination!


	42. Sydney 11

"Maaaaaaaaw!" Fatty Lumpkins gave a brave war cry as he charged into battle, with me clinging on for dear life.

"A battle is ahead, we're surely all dead!" Windfola neighed besides us. No offense to the horse or anything, but I don't think I'd be very sad if she died. She'd been driving me crazy with awful poetry (if that's what you could call it) for the past day. But back to the more pressing matter at hand…

"Olivia!" I shouted, "What the heck are we doing here?"

"I don't know!" she replied. Not exactly the answer I was expected. She had a sword, but made no effort to use it, while Merry clutched his dull blade fearfully.

"Wait, I have a plan!" she shouted, veering her horse off to the right. Which left me, unable to steer, charging straight into the fray on a pony without a saddle, bridle, or weapon of any sort.

In front of me, the first line of riders met the wave of battle. Shrieks of war, of dying horses, men, and orcs, surrounded me. Where the heck did Olivia go? Wasn't she, as Eowyn, supposed to kill someone important? Certainly, her role wasn't to run away!

In front of me, a rider fell off, and Lumpkins had to swerve violently to avoid trampling the dude. The mood amongst the troops around me had lightened; seemingly, the arrival of the six-thousand riders had turned the tides of battle in favor of the good guys.

_Thud. Thud_.

A violent pounding caught my attention from behind, and I glanced back to see several giant elephants charging towards us. Giant elephants? Now that was just a cheap move, all around!

From above, an ear piercing screech paralyzed many of the men around me. A greyish-blue dragon type thingy swooped in overhead, landing practically on top of King Théoden. I didn't have time to watch, however, as one of the elephant things barreled down on me.

"Hey, Dumbo!" a feminine voice shouted from my right. Glancing over, I spotted Olivia, holding… A violin?

I stared at her, incredulously, as she began playing the thing. The instrument released an awful, screeching, unbearably high pitched sound.

"Playing a tune? She's a loon!" Windfola neighed. For once, the mare wasn't the worst sounding thing in the area.

"Olivia, what in the name of Bilbo Baggins are you doing?" I demanded, plugging my ears.

"It's a Norwegian Fiddle!" she answered. "It's the only item in my inventory I knew how to use!" Listening to her play, I highly questioned her level of 'knowing how to use' it.

Unfortunately, her song warranted some unwanted attention. The big, menacing guy with the dragon thing whipped his head our way after killing Théoden, and began approaching.

"Got any other bright ideas, piano man?" I asked her. Because I knew, for sure, that this was going to end badly.

* * *

><p>AN: Sing us a song, you're the Piano Man. Sing us a song tonight! Well, we're all in the mood for a melody, and you've got us feelin' alright.

Fun fact: I actually wrote this during history class. I'm a bad, bad student.


	43. Erica 11

"We've known each other for so long, you're heart's been aching but you're too shy to say it!"

Aragorn motioned hastily to the bridge, leading to the exit of this blasted place. "Everyone out!" he shouted.

"You don't need to tell me twice!" Blackjack screeched, taking off at a gallop over the bridge. The rest of the group followed him without hesitation, trying to avoid the raining of skulls.

"Okay, now this is just plain weird," I commented. "Why only skulls?"

"Maybe they got them from Hunter's stall?" Blackjack suggested. In the background, a drum set could be heard going _ba-dum-dum-ching!_

"But, in that case, wouldn't there be other bones? Ribs, femurs, fibulas, et cetera?"

"Maybe he prefers the taste of brain?"

_True_, I considered.

"Could we stop analyzing bones and just get out of here?" Gimli panted from behind the group. His stubby little legs couldn't keep up with three elves, a thoroughbred, a ranger, and a Pegasus. Silently, I hoped that maybe he'd be crushed by the skulls and we could just leave him behind… Nah, I guess that would go against the idea of a "fellowship".

"Blackjack!" I pointed back at the dwarf. The Pegasus seemingly caught my drift, as he wheeled around, galloped back, and grabbed Gimli by the collar of his shirt.

"Let me down! Let me down!" he flailed as Blackie carried him up to our group and along the path.

"Inside we both know what's been going on!" Legolas sang. I shot him back a death glare- Wait, was he cross-eyed as he ran? That guy was a real wonder…

Finally, the music faded, and the exit appeared at the end of a long corridor. With one final sprint, we emerged into daylight.

Gasping for air, I hunched over, placing my hands on my knees for support. Aragorn sank down to the ground, looking defeated.

Blackjack trotted out of the cave next, still sporting the dwarf.

"In the name of Khazad, put me down you winged pest!" Gimli flailed. So, that's exactly what Blackjack did, and not gently, either. The dwarf hit the ground with an audible _thud_.

"Pe-channas," I mumbled to his antics.

Hunter barreled out of the cave, nearly trampling Gimli in the process (although I'm fairly certain that wasn't an accident). Hannah sped out next, and lastly came Legolas, skipping along his merry way. The blonde elf stopped, however, when he saw Aragorn's sadface. He walked over to the depressed ranger and placed a hand on his shoulder, what I assumed was a mano a mano comforting thing.

Both men jumped up suddenly when the apparition of the King of the Dead appeared directly behind them. Aragorn gave the green dude a questioning look. "Will you fight for us?"

The King was silent for a moment, but then spoke. "We know the game and we're gonna play it!" he sang. I guess that was as close to a 'Yes' as we were going to get.

"My elf eyes see a ship!" Legolas shouted, peering off into the distance. Sure enough, a ship was sailing towards us.

Uh oh… I had a feeling of where this was going…

* * *

><p>We stood, side by side on the rocky shore, as the boats eventually sailed towards us. Which felt like an eternity, I might add. These ships were sure moving slow, but we had to stand and wait per Aragorn's orders. Presently, Blackjack and Hunter were having a tail flicking contest, with Gimli planted between the two.<p>

Finally, the ship halted in front of us. Occupying it had to be at least a hundred Dothraki men-

Wait, Dothraki?

"Han- Er, Mithrellas," I turned to the blonde haired elf. "Don't the Dothraki fear the sea?"

"Well, actually," she began, "After Joffrey kills-" Crap, I forgot this was the spoiler spewing Hannah who innocently made remarks about things I hadn't read up to yet.

"Spoilers!" I shouted, shoving a loaf of French Bread in her mouth to shut her up. For a second, I wondered where I had gotten that bread, but a screech of pain brought my attention back to the present. Legolas had just fired an arrow and pierced the Dothraki standing next to the captain on the boat.

"Mff! Mfff mfff mf mfff mffffffff!" Hannah shouted. Or tried to.

"She means, 'Legolas! You just killed the director!'" I translated.

Legolas' reply was blocked out by the singing as the dead soldiers vaporized around us and attacked the Dothraki. Okay, so now all of the pirate/desert people were dead, leaving us with a ship.

"Well… now what?" Blackjack asked. "Can anyone actually sail this thing?"

"I can!" both Hannah and Legolas piped up at the same time. Which I knew was a lie.

Aragorn intervened. "Um, I think I should man the wheel." Whew, crisis averted. Somewhat.

Blackjack flew up onto the ship, lowering the gangway for the rest of us to board. Gimli made his way on, followed by Legolas, skipping happily as usual.

Hunter balked at the bottom of the ramp, but with a swift slap on the rump from Hannah, the two made it on safely.

Aragorn boarded next. Which left me standing alone on the shore. See… ships and I don't really get along.

"Arwen!" Aragorn's call brought my attention back up. "What are you waiting for?"

"What if… I just walked and met you there?" I suggested.

"Walk? It'll be winter by the time you arrive in Gondor," he laughed.

"What if I flew?"

"Do you have a problem with sailing?"

"…No," I lied.

"Then what's the matter?" he walked back down the ramp, stopping in front of me with his arms crossed.

I glanced left, then right, scanning the river. "There aren't any…icebergs…are there?" I asked, worried.

"Icebergs?" he gave me what was probably the strangest look I'd ever received, excluding those from Hannah and Legolas. "No, there aren't any icebergs."

"Giant sharks?"

"No, no giant sharks."

"Man eating Kraken?"

"No… Well, I honestly don't know what a Kraken is."

"Tidal waves?"

"Have you just had bad boating experiences?" he asked me incredulously.

I thought of all the unfortunate ocean movies I'd seen. "You could say that…"

"Well, trust me, this cruise will only last a day, and we're going on a direct path downriver. It'll be smooth sailing."

With a defeated sigh, I shakily boarded the deathboat. Aragorn called our attention in the center of the ship.

"So, here's the plan. We'll take two people watching guard, replacing shifts every 12 hours or so," he motioned to the crow's nest, "starting at nightfall. Arwen, you and I will take first shift."

I nodded.

"Blackjack and Hunter, you're second. Legolas and Mithrellas, you're last. By then, we should be arriving at Pelennor-"

"Aye, lad, I think you forgot someone!" Gimli spoke up, literally.

We all looked down at the dwarf.

"If you're going to keep watch, you need to actually be able to see above the railing," Hannah laughed. Way to put it delicately.

Aragorn dismissed us, then took his post behind the wheel.

Blackjack, for some reason, was ecstatic about the boat ride. "With bottles of rum and wind in the sails, drink up, me hearties, yo ho!" he sang, looking at Hunter expectantly.

When the thoroughbred didn't continue the song, the Pegasus gave him a flick on the nose with his tail and trotted off to the bow of the ship.

"I'm on a boat!" he neighed, "Everybody look at me 'cuz I'm sailing on a boat!"

I stopped listening to him at that point, instead analyzing the water as it swept up alongside the boat. Every now and then, Aragorn would ask Legolas to do something in boat-savvy terms, which the blonde elf did without fault. In fact, he was so natural at the sailing thing, I began to wonder if he'd had some sort of experience with pirates before…? Nah, I was just imagining things again.

* * *

><p>"What idiot thought that a rope ladder would be a good idea?" forlorn, I gazed up at the crow's nest, nestled on top of the largest mast. Unfortunately, it was time for me to take watch, and that meant I had to climb up there on a ladder that met no safety requirements whatsoever.<p>

Warily, I tested my weight on the ladder. It held. It was now or never. With a nervous sigh, I began my ascent, and arrived at the nest sooner than I expected.

"Ha!" I shouted triumphantly. "Easy peasy." Wow, the sunset up here looked amazing!

Aragorn followed a moment later as I furiously scanned the horizon.

"What exactly are you expecting to find?" he crossed his arms.

Without halting my watch, I answered, "I'm making sure there aren't any icebergs." Satisfied that we were iceberg-free, I looked over at the man next to me. "So, what, we just stand here for four hours?"

"Pretty much," he confirmed.

"Well, that's boring." This job needed to be spiced up a bit… "How about a song?"

Insanely carefully, I stood on the railing of the crow's nest, like they do in the movies. I was surprised that I could keep my balance up here. Scanning my brain, I picked out a song I felt would be appropriate for the current situation.

"This is the tale of Captain Jack Sparrow!" I belted out. "Pirate so brave on the seven seas!"

"What?" Aragorn bewilderedly asked. I ignored him.

"A mystical quest to the Isle of Tortuga! Raven locks sway on the ocean breeze!" A sudden thought dawned on me. If Aragorn was up here, keeping watch, who was sailing the ship?

"Aragorn, who's-" the ship lurched hard to starboard. If it hadn't been for Aragorn grabbing me at that moment and pulling me back down into the nest, I surely would've toppled down into the river.

"Mithrellas!" he shouted, "You said you knew how to sail a ship!"

I shook my head and sighed. If Hannah was in charge, we were all doomed.

* * *

><p>Those four hours felt like a lifetime. I spent most of it clinging to the mast pole for dear life, when I wasn't being thrown around like a rag doll. Icebergs were the least of my concern for the moment.<p>

"Hey, boss, your turn's up!" Blackjack hovered beside the nest. I clambered onto him; there was no way I was attempting going down that ladder. Even on a perfectly normal occasion, I always froze descending anything overly steep. I glanced back at Aragorn, still stuck on the wildly swaying mast.

"Think you could hoist two?" I inquired of my Pegasus.

"No problemo!" he nickered, and I held out my hand for Aragorn to climb on behind me.

Carefully, Blackie lowered us to the deck, not landing but getting close enough so we could slide off. I didn't blame him, the air was much safer than the wood floor.

Immediately, I was knocked over by a sudden swerve to port.

"I think I can take over now, Mithrellas," Aragorn quickly snatched the wheel away from Hannah. Finally!

"What do you think you're doing?" an indignant shout caught my attention. "Put me down this instant!" Glancing up, I spotted Blackjack flying towards the crow's nest. Sprawled across his withers was a very, very unhappy looking Hunter. The Pegasus shook him off once they reached the top.

"Well, it's not like you were gonna fly or climb up here!" Blackjack huffed. Turning around, he stood tall. "Hunter and Blackjack reporting for duty, Aragorn Sir!" Somehow, I knew that wasn't going to end well.

Still feeling shaky from the steering adventure, I made my way down below deck to the sleeping quarters. They were surprisingly sanitary for a former Dothraki- Oh, no wonder. Legolas was in the corner, wearing a pink apron and yellow gloves, scrubbing the floor with bleach.

"You cleaned all of this?" I asked him, disbelievingly.

"Yep!" he beamed, then returned to furiously scrubbing a spot on the floor. I considered telling him that was a natural wood stain, but decided to let the sleepless elf have some fun. All I cared about was a pleasant rest.

Or maybe not, I decided once I found the "beds". Which weren't really beds at all, rather, they were hammocks strung across from beam to beam.

"We're expected to sleep on these?" I demanded, to no one in particular. Well, it couldn't be that bad… could it? Experimentally, I sat down on the hammock. No problem. With a sigh of relief, I swung my legs up to try and fall asleep.

Bad move. The hammock lurched with its new passenger, clearly not pleased at being disturbed. I threw my hands out to the sides to steady it, which made things worse. As if possessed, the hammock did a 360, flinging me onto the floor in the process.

"Oh, screw it!" I barked, curling up in a ball and falling asleep on the floor. I was so tired, I didn't even care anymore.

* * *

><p>"Iceberg, right ahead!" That call roused me out of my slumber. Flailing, I once again did a 360 in my cot and faceplanted onto the floor- Wait, what the hay? I was sleeping on the floor… Forgetting all that, I quickly stood up and charged onto the top deck.<p>

"Ha, I told you that would freak her out!" Hunter neighed in delight.

"Hunter!" I shot the thoroughbred a glare. "Some things in life just aren't funny." He was still laughing as I trudged back downstairs. I halted in my steps when I heard a loud _thud!_, followed by the sound of Hunter angrily neighing something and hoofbeats walking across deck and down the stairs. Blackjack walked over to my sleeping spot on the floor, and settled himself down next to me.

Blowing a puff of smoke in the Pegasus' direction, Hunter approached Hannah's cot. He thrust his muzzle in her face, breathing loudly without saying a word.

"Your breath stinks," the blonde elf muttered a moment later, pushing his muzzle away.

"Your turn to take watch, Sunshine," the thoroughbred responded. Grudgingly, Hannah rose and trudged up the stairs, pulling a still-aproned Legolas behind her.

* * *

><p>"Are we there yet?"<p>

"No, Blackjack."

"…Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"Yes!" Legolas shouted before I could respond with another "No."

Sure enough, Pelennor Fields and Minas Tirith came into view as we rounded the last bend of the river. Waiting for us in the docking bay was a platoon of orcs. I climbed onto Blackjack (I was really getting better at this no mounting block thing!).

"What took you so long?" the lead orc demanded. On the count of three, the six of us leaped (or flew) off the boat in dramatic fashion, the Army of the Dead conjuring up around us. Pulling out my sword, I galloped into the fray alongside Hannah on Hunter. We were halted, however, when a shrill noise pierced the air.

"Duuuuuude!" Blackjack's sliding stop almost dislodged me. I glanced up, spotting the Witch King and his Fell Beast. What? They were supposed to be dead already! Eowyn was-

Oh. That explained it.

Olivia hated blood, fighting, and all that stuff. And being that Eowyn was Olivia, there was no doubt what the problem was. But that still didn't explain the noise that was emitting throughout the field.

"What is she doing?" Hunter neighed, flicking his ears to our left. There stood Olivia, frantically seesawing on a fiddle as the Witch King approached her.

I turned to Hannah. "Do you suppose she'll need some help?"

Hannah smirked that evil Hannah smirk, pulling out her bow.

* * *

><p>AN: Pe-channas is Sindarin for idiot. Now you can insult people in a different language!

A list on the songs used in this chapter: "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley (duh), "A Pirate's Life For Me" from the Disneyland Pirates of the Caribbean ride (or the song Jack and Elizabeth sing while drinking rum, if you're an unfortunate sap who's never been to Disneyland), "I'm On A Boat" by Lonely Island (which I wouldn't recommend listening to past 15 seconds), and "Jack Sparrow", also by Lonely Island feat. Michael Bolton (again, a song I'd be cautious about listening to past the chorus).

Movie references: Icebergs - Titanic, giant sharks - Jaws and countless others, man-eating Kraken - PotC At World's End and mythology, tidal waves - The Poseidon Adventure (or the newer remake titled Poseidon, but the original is the best of the two).

Other references: Dothraki are a race/group of men from George R. R. Martin's "A Song of Ice and Fire" series (and it's TV counterpart Game of Thrones). In my little mind, the Westernese Pirates from RotK look a lot like the Dothraki men. And in RotK (at least, the extended edition), the man Legolas accidentally shoots is really Peter Jackson (the director). Ever notice how the trap is full of only skulls? I never really thought about it until reading "DM of the Rings", in which the characters point this out. Hilarious comic, read it if you haven't!


	44. Hannah 11

COMMENCE LE EPIC FLASHBACK SEQUENCE PART 2 (Because the author is too lazy to think of a good way to trigger le flashback)

"We've known each other for so long! Your heart's been aching, and you're too shy to say it!"

"Everyone out!" Aragorn yelled, ushering us towards the bridge.

"You don't need to tell me twice!" Blackjack shouted, galloping across without a second thought.

Erica kicked a skull out of her path. "Okay, now this is just plain weird. Why only skulls?"

"Maybe they got them from Hunter's stall!" Blackjack's voice floated back towards us.

"I don't suffer the indignity of living in a stall," Hunter sniffed from behind me.

"But in that case, wouldn't there be other bones? Ribs, femurs, fibulas, et cetera?" Erica persisted.

"Maybe he prefers the taste of brain?"

That seemed to appease her. Hunter licked his lips, staring longingly at the skulls piling up around us.

"Could we stop analyzing bones and just get out of here?" Gimli gasped from behind Hunter. His short little legs were carrying him as fast as they could, but it wasn't enough to keep up with elves, horses, and a man.

"Blackjack?" Erica asked. Obediently, the Pegasus slowed until he was next to the dwarf, then snatched him up by his chainmail shirt.

"That's got to be heavy," Hunter muttered.

"Inside we both know what's been going on!" Legolas burst into song, skipping through the skulls like they were flowers.

I fought the urge to smack him. Fortunately, a light appeared in front of us, the music fading as we grew closer and closer.

Hunter purposefully aimed for the dwarf when he galloped out of the cave, though when I ran into him, it threw off his balance and he ended up landing on the beard instead of the face. I darted out after him, and Legolas followed with a cheery skip in his step.

Aragorn stared at the ships that were on the river, his face full of stubble and angst. Seeing his friend's distress, the blonde put a comforting hand on his shoulder.

I fought the urge to start singing 'Guy Love.'

Suddenly, the Dead King used his teleport cheat to materialize behind us.

Getting to his feet, Aragorn stared at him. "Will you fight for us?"

"We know the game and we're gonna play it!" he sang. Did that mean yes? Probably.

"My elf eyes see a ship!" Legolas supplied, staring in the opposite direction as the water.

"Thank you, captain obvious," Hunter muttered.

Had I ever mentioned how cool it would be to sail a ship?

* * *

><p>Hunter flicked Gimli across the face with his tail, then pointed to Blackjack when the dwarf glared at him. I rolled my eyes and waited for the ships to come within shouting distance.<p>

When it did, I realized that a host of Dothraki were aboard, shouting savagely.

"Han- er… Mithrellas! Don't the Dothraki fear the sea?" Erica asked.

I beamed, thrilled that I would get to talk about the plot of Game of Thrones. "Well, actually, after Khal Drogo gets- Mff!" My speech was cut off by the sudden presence of a loaf of French Bread in my mouth.

"Spoilers!" she yelled. A howl of pain followed her words.

Twisting around (French Bread still in my mouth), I saw that Legolas had just shot the bosun in the chest.

"Mfff! Mff mfffff mfff frrrrr mffrrrrr!" I mumbled frantically.

"She means 'Legolas! You just killed the director!" Erica supplied.

A blast of Rick Astley interrupted what Legolas was going to say back, and an army of dead soldiers materialized, charging forward to kill the bellowing Dothraki.

After a moment, all that was left on the deck was the arrow from the director's chest.

"Well… now what?" Blackjack piped up. "Can anyone actually sail this thing?"

"I can!" Legolas and I offered at the same time, me having taken the bread out of my mouth. I couldn't actually sail a boat, but there's a first time for everything, right? And it's acceptable to learn on the job, right?

Erica gave us a 'Yeah right' look.

"Um, I think I should man the wheel," Aragorn declined politely. Dangit.

Nobody had any trouble going up the walkway except Hunter, who planted his feet and refused to move.

"What are you doing?" I demanded.

"Do you know what water does to fire? It extinguishes it. Therefore, this horse will not be setting foot on a ship that is in water." He turned up his nose.

"All ships are in water, therefore your statement has been invalidated," I explained, glaring when he pinned his ears. "Don't make me hurt you."

"You wouldn't dare- OW!" he squeaked, jumping over the plank and straight onto the deck. I strode after him, shaking my sore thumb.

"Arwen! What are you waiting for?" Aragorn called. Erica hadn't boarded yet?

"What if I just walked and met you there?" she asked, staring at the ship like it had grown a mouth. A mouth with big, sharp, pointy, scary, smelly teeth.

"Walk? It'll be winter by the time you arrive in Gondor!"

"What if I flew?"

"Do you have a problem with sailing?"

"… no."

"Then what's the matter?" Aragorn folded his arms.

"There aren't any icebergs… are there?" she muttered. I stifled a giggle. That's what she got for watching Titanic the sap story so many times.

"Icebergs? No, there aren't any icebergs," he assured her.

"Giant sharks?"

"Nope, no giant sharks."

"Man eating Kraken?"

"No… well, I honestly don't know what a Kraken is." Legolas jumped slightly at the mention of kraken, then looked as though he was trying to remember something important.

"Tidal waves?"

"Have you just had bad boating experiences?"

"You could say that…"

"Well, trust me, this cruise will only last a day, and we're going on a direct path downriver. It'll be smooth sailing," he assured her. Clearly not satisfied but unwilling to slow us down any further, she carefully boarded the ship.

Aragorn gave orders to everyone once they were safely on board, and I made fun of Gimli when he started whining.

"With bottles of rum and wind in the sails, drink up, me hearties, yo ho!" he sang, giving Hunter a 'your turn' look.

My horse blinked. "Yeah, that's going to happen."

Dissapointed, the Pegasus wandered to the rail. "I'm on a boat! Everybody look at me 'cuz I'm on a boat!"

* * *

><p>Aragorn and Erica climbed up to the crow's nest with what looked like minimal difficulty, leaving Gimli, Legolas, the horses, and I on the deck. The blonde was scurrying around, pulling ropes and making adjustments, so I followed him around and tried to get a general idea of how the whole thing worked.<p>

"Do you mind if I steer?" I asked, suppressing an evil smirk.

"Nope! Just watch out for rocks… and kraken." He spotted a nonexistent stain on the floor, gasped loudly, and hurried off to find some bleach.

Chuckling, I headed off to the wheel and gave it a spin, like they did in the Pirates of the Caribbean movie, during the storms.

The boat lurched to starboard with a groan, throwing Gimli up against the railing and causing Hunter to knock over a bucket of soapy water.

"It's sensitive," I explained to nobody in particular.

"Mithrellas! You said you knew how to sail the ship!" Aragorn yelled from the nest.

"I do! It's just like driving a car; having a broad understanding of the general workings of something has no direct correlation with the skill one possesses in steering!" I stuck out my tongue in his direction.

Experimentally, I tweaked the wheel. The boat swung around to port, and Gimli rolled across the deck like a sack of potatoes. Giggling, I wrenched the wheel the other way, and the dwarf reversed his direction with a howl.

Hunter staggered over to me, chuckling at the shortest member of the Fellowship. "Let's see if we can get him to knock into someone!"

"You're horrible!" I laughed. "I bet I can do it in five turns of the wheel!"

"You can not! It'll be much more than ten!" he snickered.

"Challenge accepted."

As it turned out, I never actually hit anyone on the deck, but I managed to bounce the dwarf off the mast a few times, and even rolled him up the railing once.

* * *

><p>After around an hour, I knocked Gimli out. It was no fun if he didn't scream, so Hunter got bored and wandered off to do something evil. Legolas, donning yellow cleaning gloves and a pink apron that said 'Fish says Moo,' staggered over to me with a questioning look.<p>

"Why are you such a rough navigator? Has the ship said something to offend you?" he asked.

"No…" I muttered. "I'm just a bad driver."

"Ah, I see."

"You see? You mean you suspected I was a bad driver before?" I demanded, giving the wheel a sharp twist.

"Well… kindof. I mean, your horse purposefully runs into people whenever he can, including when you ride him, and you do nothing to stop him."

"I suppose that's true…"

He blinked. "You're not going to kill me?"

"Nope. It's pretty fun to scare people with your driving." I laughed. "You should have seen my mom's face when I drove her to work this one time! She was so freaked out, she screamed every time I went around a corner, and this one time a car passed us, and her face got so white, she started to look like Gollum!"

Legolas cocked his head. "Car?"

"Uh… er… I mean, carriage! I was driving her on a carriage. To, uh, that place, you know... that place you go when you take people places?" I stuttered. Oops.

"Yeees, that place," he echoed with a confused look.

"Never mind."

"Alright."

I hauled the wheel to port, making Gimli's body slide across the deck. He left a trail of mud behind him.

"How does he get so dirty?" I demanded, disgusted.

"AAAH! NO! No dirt is allowed on deck!" Legolas shouted, scrambling towards the unconscious dwarf. He snatched him up by the collar and stuffed him in a sack, tied it shut with a rope, then heaved both overboard.

"What are you doing?" I gasped. I wasn't fond of Gimli, but if he drowned, that would seriously mess with the plotline!

He gave me an innocent look, then hauled the sack back on deck. Out came a spluttering, soaking wet, but squeaky clean little dwarf.

"What was the meaning of that, ya pointy-eared princeling!" howled Gimli.

"You're clean now! I don't think I've ever seen this before!" Legolas beamed proudly.

"Amazing!"

Gimli staggered off, muttering 'Ishkaqwi ai durugnul.' Legolas began fervently scrubbing at the mud splatter on the floor, then moved on to clean the rest of the deck.

* * *

><p>After a while, Aragorn and Erica flew down from the crow's nest on Blackjack.<p>

"You cleaned all this?" Erica asked incredulously.

"You bet!" he grinned, waving his sponge.

Erica watched him for a moment, then shrugged and wandered into the cabins, yawning.

Aragorn stumbled over to me, struggling to keep his balance as I toyed with the wheel. "Ok, Mithrellas, I think I can take over from here."

I frowned. "No thanks, I'm having a wonderful time."

"I really must insist," he sighed.

I let go of the wheel. "If you say so."

He grabbed at it to stop it from spinning wildly. "Thank you."

Grumbling to myself, I wandered into the cabins, where Erica was sleeping on the floor. That struck me as odd… the beds weren't _that_ difficult to get on, right?

… Wrong.

I don't know how many times I got dumped on the floor, but it was more times than I had ever fallen off a horse in my real life, which was really saying something. It wasn't until I used a ninja-move to land myself in the middle of the hammock that I was able to stay on. Actually, it was pretty comfortable once it stopped swinging.

During my rest, someone- probably Aragorn judging by their footsteps- came in and put Erica in her hammock, but I was half-asleep and couldn't see who it was. Besides, if I had turned my head to look, I would have upset the delicate balance of the bed and found myself on the floor once again.

After a long, refreshing sleep, I was awoken by the gentle swaying of the ship… that, and Hunter blowing his breath in my face. As usual.

"Your breath stinks," I muttered, shoving his muzzle away.

"It's your turn to take watch, sunshine," he growled.

Stifling a groan, I flipped off the hammock and stumbled onto the deck. To my immense surprise, Legolas was still busily scrubbing the floor. I pulled him to his feet and dragged him up to the crow's nest, frilly apron and all.

He chattered pleasantly to me, though I was too groggy to do more than make unintelligible mumbling noises under my breath.

Needless to say, it was a looong watch. Why didn't they have Starbucks in Middle-earth? Finally, we spotted the shores of Gondor and shuffled down to tell Aragorn.

"Are we there yet?" Blackjack was whining.

"Yes," Legolas yelled, pointing. Waiting for us on the banks was a giant crowd of orcs.

"What took you so long? Pirate scum!" snarled the leader, a silly-looking skull hat perched precariously on his head.

In synchronization, the six of us leapt heroically over the sparkly-clean edge of the ship. Where was Gimli? Probably still unconscious… oh, well.

The army of the dead charged the army, dematerializing the orcs with a battle cry.

I leapt onto Hunter, and we galloped headlong for the battle. However, before we had taken more than three steps, a piercing shriek startled Hunter into skidding to a halt.

"Duuuuuuuuude!" Blackjack shouted.

Why hadn't Olivia killed the thing already? Was she that much of a pansy?

Apparently, she was.

END LE EPIC FLASHBACK SEQUENCE NUMBER TWO

"Do you suppose she'll need some help?" Erica grinned.

Putting on my most evil smirk, I pulled out Troll Face and nocked an arrow. Olivia's fiddling grew faster and more hectic, and Sydney on Lumpkins hovered nearby. When the witch-king advanced on them, she started lobbing pinecones at him, then drew her sword when that didn't slow him down.

I released my arrow, and to my delight, it struck the wraith in his eye socket. Or at least, where his eye socket would be if he had a body.

Olivia darted out of range of his Morningstar, tapping her feet like someone from the Lawrence Welk show.

"Whatcha doin'?" Erica asked, cocking her head to the side.

"What are you doing here?" my sister gasped, still dancing.

"You obviously have things under control, so we decided to come watch you kill Big Scary over there!" She brandished Hadhafang with a smirk.

I put away my bow, since it was probably not going to be of any use now that we didn't need to distract the witch-king, and drew Leekspin and Derp. "Let's blow this popsicle stand!"

* * *

><p>AN from Erica: What's that? Why doesn't the dialogue match up perfectly with the other chapters? Well, clearly because it's from a different person's point of view and we listen to different things! Duh! It's not like authors make mistakes or anything, because we are, of course, perfect in our writing. (for the impaired, that was sarcasm)


	45. Olivia 11

I frantically sawed at the strings with my bow, producing a sound worse than the call of the Wraiths. Several men and orcs around me fell down and died on the spot, and Sydney shot me a murderous look while plugging her ears. Fatty Lumpkins 'maaaaaaaaaaaaaaw'ed and shook his head, but my playing didn't affect him much.

The Witch-King seemed to be infuriated by the noise, but it wasn't doing anything to stop him from approaching me on his Hell Hawk. I played 'The Entertainer,' 'Cashmere,' and 'Purple Rain' (all songs that I had memorized from high school orchestra), but nothing did anything to deter him.

Groaning and casting my useless fiddle aside, I stared around for something, anything to use as a weapon.

There!

I tackled a soldier who was about to stab an orc, dragging him into a small patch of open ground, and began acting out scenes from Titanic. The Witch-King stopped, assessing if what I was doing was dangerous or not.

"I'll never let you go, Jack!" I cried, warbling out the lyrics to 'My Heart Will Go On.'

"My name is Paul! And I'm not dead!" fumed the soldier.

"What a tragic love story," the orc sniffled.

"Ssssssssssssssssssssssssssssh," the wraith added, taking a step towards me.

Gulping, I abandoned my performance and tried a different approach.

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"

That stopped him. "Sssssss?"

"I mean, was he suicidal? Was he lost? Did he lose a bet? Was he trying to impress his girlfriend? 'Hey, Billy, if you cross that road without dying, I'll be really impressed!' 'Ok, Janet! Watch this, I'm doing it! It's not as scary as I thought it would-' SPLAT!"

"Boooo!" someone yelled.

"Hey! You try doing standup comedy while the Witch-King is plotting to kill you!" I screamed at the heckler.

"Ssssssssssss!" said the wraith.

Over the next fifteen minutes, I tried several approaches to distracting, stalling, or killing him. Juggling failed, as did acrobatics and tumbling. Magic tricks got him for a few moments, but I accidently pulled a quarter out of my pocket instead of my ear, so that scheme went out the window. I tried another comedy act- this time anti-jokes- but they just made him groan. When I started impersonating Michael Jackson, a bunch of people started yelling to get off the stage… after that, I just threw pinecones at him.

"Sssssssssssssssssss!" he shrieked, resuming his approach.

Drawing my sword, I tried to steady my shaking hands.

All I had to do was dodge his Morningstar, right? Then I caught sight of it and blanched. It was bigger than a horse's head! How was I supposed to dodge that?

He was just winding up for the first swing, when an arrow flew through his eye hole. It didn't do anything more than make him pause, but that was enough to give me time to scramble out of range.

I started my tap-dance routine, hoping to delay him more.

"Whatcha doin'?" demanded a slightly condescending voice. Jumping, I looked over my shoulder. Sauntering towards me, weapons in hand were Erica and Hannah!

"What are you doing back here?" I squeaked, still dancing.

"Well, you obviously have this under control, so we decided to come watch you kill Big Scary over there," Erica grinned, brandishing her sword.

Hannah nodded, slinging her bow over her shoulder and drawing a pair of long, silver blades. "Let's blow this popsicle stand."

Reassured, I faced the wraith again, my friends at my back. Hopefully, they knew how to use their shiny elf weapons…

* * *

><p>AN (Yes, an actual note from Hannah this time!): For those of you who don't know, anti-jokes are jokes with literal or realistic punch lines. For example, 'A man walked into a bar. A metal bar. So yeah, it hurt a lot.' Another is 'How do you confuse a blonde? Paint yourself green and throw forks at her, screaming in a language she doesn't know.' You get the idea?

Note from Erica: Okay, so how this is going to work... Sydney 12 will take place at the same time as Olivia 11, and Erica 12 and Hannah 12 will also take place at the same time, following Sydney 12 and Olivia 11. Make sense?

The inspiration for this chapter came from a LotR D&D (Dungeons and Dragons) roleplay Hannah, Olivia, and I did a few weeks ago. In it, I (the DM) transported Hannah and Olivia into the Matrix, then gave them a Ferrari to escape with after they defeated Agent Smith. However... Hannah, in her turn, stole the Ferrari, kicked Olivia out by passing a strength test, and returned home to Mirkwood. Which, through an odd (yet hilarious) chain of events, Olivia got stuck in Diagon Alley for 11 years in a homeless shelter (despite all the chances I hinted at for her to go back to Middle-earth that she was completely oblivious to). Finally, I threw her into Narnia, accompanied by everyone's favorite satyr, Grover. There, I told her that she could return to Middle-earth by obtaining one tear from Aslan. But, in order to get a tear, she had to make him cry. So... Olivia spent about 20 minutes trying different techniques to make him cry, such as bad jokes, Titanic impersonations, songs, etc. I can't even remember how she got home... Also, her D&D character is a bard, whose only weapon is a Norwegian Fiddle (that's the origin of that joke).

And for anyone who doesn't know, the main themes of Rohan (The King of the Golden Hall, Ride of the Rohirrim, Helm's Deep, The Hornburg, Forth Eorlingas, etc) are played on a Norwegian Fiddle. It's that high-pitched violin sound, which, if you know how to play it, sounds beautiful. If you're not too experienced, well... In Olivia's defense, she actually can play a violin.


	46. Sydney 12

The creepy dude in black strode towards us with something I would assume wasn't friendly intent. Beside me, Olivia continued her frantic sawing of her instrument.

"I don't think that's helping!" I shouted at her, while Lumpkins 'maaaaaaaaw'ed in horror. I'm not sure which was worse: the guy or Olivia's playing. Finally, she threw the fiddle aside in disgust. About time! Wait, what was she doing now?

She charged over to a man, clad in steel armor, dragging him away from the orc he nearly impaled.

"I'll never let go, Jack!" she screamed, then let the man go. Ironic.

"My name is Paul, and I'm not-"

"You're here, there's nothing I fear!" Olivia began singing, "And I know that my heart will go on. We'll stay forever this way, you are safe in my heart and-"

The orc who'd almost gotten killed began crying, although I'm not sure if they were tears of fear, sorrow, joy, or just tears because Olivia's singing was just that bad. And by bad, I mean worse than the tone deaf people you hear audition for American Idol bad.

"Make it stop!" Windfola begged, "Or at least sing pop!" The mare had a point. There was a reason no one ever tried doing covers of Celine Dion's songs.

The man in black hissed, once again continuing his threatening approach.

"Why did the chicken cross the road?"

Oh, no… Now she was attempting stand up comedy? Yep, we were doomed.

"I've got a good one!" a voice shouted from behind me. I whipped around and, to my surprise, there stood Erica, Hannah, and two horses I didn't recognize.

"How many existentialists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?" We all stared at Erica, clearly baffled. To be honest, I'm not even sure I knew what an existentialist was…

"Two," she continued, completely oblivious to the clueless faces around her, "One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a maudlin cosmos of nothingness!" She began cracking up.

Meanwhile, Olivia had abandoned her own comedy act and was now attempting to juggle. Attempting being the key word there.

"Wait, wait, listen to these quantum physics knock knock jokes I have!" Luckily, the guy in black's harsh screech cut off another one of Erica's jokes. Quick as a flash, Hannah strung an arrow and launched it at the dude, piercing through his helmet. It didn't kill him, but it was enough to distract him from killing Olivia.

"Finally, some action!" Erica cheered, pulling out her sword. Hannah flashily spun two silver knives from their sheaths. I reached around to my side to- Oh, wait, I didn't have any sort of weapon.

"Let's blow this popsicle stand!" Hannah shouted. With that, she and Erica leapt into the battle.

* * *

><p>AN: Keep in mind that this takes place the same time as Olivia 11, just with a different point of view.

Really, if you're trying to impress someone, stay away from singing Celine Dion. Her distinctly unique French-Canadian accent and singing style are hard to replicate well.

And I got the nerdy jokes from Criminal Minds :P


	47. Erica 12

You know those moments you have where you think about your decision after the fact? Yeah, I was having one of those as the Witch King strode towards Hannah and I. What on Earth were we thinking?

The big baddie raised his Morningstar menacingly, swinging it in our direction.

"Watch out!" I shouted, immediately barrel rolling to my right. Hannah did the same in the opposite direction. But the Witch King wasn't our only issue…

Behind him, his Fell Beast snapped, its jaws just barely missing Hannah. She scrambled backwards, but I had to look away from the scene to avoid becoming the Witch King's breakfast.

"Hey, slimy!" a shout from above caused all of us to look up. Hovering just above the Fell Beast was Blackjack. "What, cat got your tongue?"

The beast hissed in response, reaching its neck up to lash at him. But the Pegasus was faster, nimbly dodging the strike.

"What?" the flying stallion taunted, "Gravity got you down? You have wings, ever tried using them? Oh, I see, you're too fat to lift yourself off the ground!"

As Blackjack was busily throwing insults at the giant lizard, I saw Hunter sneaking around from behind it. With a devious glint in his eye, the flesh eating Thoroughbred bit down on the beast's tail.

At the same moment, the Fell Beast launched himself into the air, pelting after the now-fleeing Pegasus with a Thoroughbred stuck to his tail. Had anyone else been watching, it was probably the funniest sight they'd ever see.

"Fools!" the Witch King's screech brought my mind back to the matter at hand. "I cannot be killed by any mortal man! For I am the Witch King, leader of the Nazgul, rider of the dragon-"

"Fell Beast," Hannah interrupted.

"Oh, right, Fell Beast. Dragons come with the next promotion," he sighed.

I raised an eyebrow at him. "So, uh, you were saying?"

"What? Oh, yes, I am the rider of the Fell Beast, second in line-" he stopped, suddenly, when Hannah approached his cloak and lit it on fire with a lighter.

"Parting gift from Hunter," she laughed.

"No!" he screamed, frantically patting the fire. "I just got this replaced! Do you know how long it took us last time to get new cloaks after the first set burned?"

"Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!" a loud scream from behind caused me to turn around, just in time to see…something… fall from the sky and crush Olivia. Well, at least the fiddle music was gone.

"Whew," satisfied that the rest of his cloak wasn't up in flames, the Witch King diverted his attention back to us. "Come at me, bro!" he taunted.

"We are no bros!" Hannah and I responded in unison, then both began giggling.

I lifted my sword. "Alright, enough dilly-dallying, let's get this show on the road." Before I could swing, a small shape darted in front of me. I watched, astonished, as Merry sprung up and stabbed the Witch King in the foot.

"Yaaaa-ow-ow-ow-ow!" the big baddie began hoping on one foot, clutching the other in pain, as Merry screeched and blacked out. The momentary distraction allowed Hannah enough time to slink behind the hopping madman.

"Die, potato!" she shouted, twirling her daggers before thrusting them into his back. The Witch King made some sort of awful sound, like a mix of a tea kettle, a cat thrown in a bathtub, that sound I make when I see a spider, and a weasel chasing the tax collectors. Not that I knew what an anti-IRS weasel sounded like or anything.

Quick as a flash, I raised my sword and swung it decisively at the Ringwraith. A clean decapitation, score! His helmet went clattering off to the right.

Not that I got the chance to enjoy any of that, though, as a searing pain shot up my arm and spread throughout my body.

_Not cool!_ were the final words that flashed through my mind before everything went dark.

* * *

><p>AN: Holy Shifty Looking Space Cows, Batman! It's a new chapter!

Yes, yes, we are still alive! Blame the huge delay on me (Erica). In my defense, I was off saving the galaxy~ And there were those things called finals and other boring stuff to contend with. And because I didn't get around to writing until now, Hannah hasn't been able to write her chapters to follow up mine.


	48. Hannah 12

I grinned as the Witch King advanced, eager to try out the moves I had learned in Lorien. Did I feel bad about taking over the only cool thing Eowyn had to brag about for the entire trilogy? A little. Was that enough to make me back off and let Olivia start her anti-joking again? Pfft, no!

Catching Hunter's eye, I made a motion with my head and gave him a Look. He bared his teeth in a feral sneer and went to work sneaking around behind the Fell Beast.

"Watch out!" Erica called, jerking my attention back to the Witch King. His Giant Spiky Ball of Mass Destruction was swinging towards me, but I managed to leap out of its range. Crisis avoided!...

… or not. Just as I was landing, the Fell Beast made a move to take a bite out of me for breakfast… or lunch… or dinner… what time was it, anyways? Doing a ninja move to avoid being Elf Sushi (Why would an elf be sushi? If anything, I would have to say that elves would be some kind of plant that only crazy vegetarian hippies eat, like asparagus, or leeks, or spinach. No offense to any vegetarians, hippies, or crazies out there), I noticed how much the Witch King looked like a ballerina when he was swinging his Morningstar. Of course, that thought left a ridiculous picture of the Nazgul wearing a fluffy pink tutu and a sparkly tiara as he pranced around a stage in lace-up ballet shoes.

Before the Beast could take another shot at me, Blackjack appeared above its head and started launching insults at it. Irritated, it hissed and turned its attention to the Pegasus, leaving me free to turn my attention back to the Witch King. The mental image of him as a ballerina flashed through my head, and I stifled a laugh.

Hunter slunk up behind the Beast and did his best to fit its entire tail into his mouth, which was more or less what I had been expecting (It was Hunter the greedy flesh eating horse, after all).

"Be careful, Hunter! Don't choke!" I called cheerfully as the Beast took to the sky- or at least, tried to. It wasn't very successful because of the half-ton horse hanging off its tail.

"Mff!" he mumbled back, looking like he was thoroughly enjoying himself.

"Fools! I cannot be killed by any mortal man! For I am the Witch King, leader of the Nazgul, rider of the dragon…"

I frowned, unable to resist the urge to correct his speech. "Fell Beast. That thing isn't cool enough to be a dragon. You should know that!"

"Oh, right, Fell Beast… well, dragons come with my next promotion." He gave a sigh of longing, seemingly forgetting that he had been in the middle of his Epic Speech of Evilness.

"You were saying?" Erica prompted.

"What? Er… Oh, yeah. I am the rider of the Fell Beast…"

Bored of his speech, I darted forward with and lit his cloak on fire with a lighter. "A parting gift from Hunter."

Where in Middle-earth did I get a lighter?

"Nooooo! I just got this replaced with sufficiently raggedy and dark cloth! Do you know how long it took us to replace these after the first set got burned?" he wailed, doing a funny little dance and frantically beating at the flames.

"Stop hitting yourself," I chuckled to myself, slipping my lighter back into my pocket. Hey, it might come in handy later on!

Unfortunately for us, the flames died quickly; I guessed that they weren't as good as Hunter's, but he was distracted with the Fell Beast, so we had to settle for the inferior quality fire.

The Witch King breathed a sigh of relief, then puffed up his chest and spread his arms out like he wanted a hug (except for the fact that he had a giant sword in one hand and a giant Morningstar in the other). "Come at me, bro!"

"We are no bros!" Erica and I defiantly shouted, then dissolved into laughter.

After a moment, Erica composed herself enough to lift her sword and actually start the fight, but suddenly, a blur of glinting metal and curly red hair bounded in front of the wraith.

Merry?

With an evil laugh, the devious little hobbit stabbed his enemy in the toe, then let out a pitiful shriek as the blade dissolved, clutching his arm.

"Merry! No!" Olivia shouted hysterically, diving for him as he passed out. Before she had gone more than one step, something distinctively charred fell out of the sky and crashed into her head. She crumpled to the ground, buried under the smoking whatever-it-was.

Taking advantage of the odd look the Witch King gave her, I stealthily darted behind him.

What would an appropriate battle cry be for a situation like this? In the movies, Eowyn had stuck with the ever sophisticated and intelligent wordless yell, which personally wasn't very appealing. I could use 'THIS IS SPARTA.' Classy, but that wasn't really my style… I briefly considered 'A Distraction,' but something even more witty and fitting came to mind.

This seemed like a perfect time to bring in the ASDF movies!

"Die, potato!" I growled, brandishing my daggers and plunging them into his back. It was harder than it looked, because of the metal armor he wore, but I leaned against it until it made a satisfying pop. The noise that followed could only be described as a duck that had been turned into a tea kettle that had a hissing cockroach and a rattlesnake dueling with kazoos inside a car that was being blown up by a yowling cat who was playing the Norwegian Fiddle. Confusing much?

To my dismay, the knives dissolved, and a cold ickiness crept up my arms. After a second, it turned into pain.

Crap. I had forgotten about the whole morgul poison thing.

The last thing I saw before blacking out was Erica decapitating the Witch King with a triumphant smile, his helmet flying off and hitting some poor guy in the head.


	49. Olivia 12

So there I was, minding my own business, going about the killing to the Witch King in my own special way, and suddenly, Erica and Hannah appear out of nowhere! Did they have to just shove me off and challenge the guy to a fight?

Okay, maybe he had been about to smash me into pieces with his big, spiky ball. Maybe my methods of fighting weren't exactly normal. Maybe I had been terrified of confronting him…

But did they really have to take Eowyn's big moment? If I was being completely honest with myself, it was the only heroic thing she did in the entire movie!

Needless to say, I was more than a little miffed as I stood there off to the side, but after a few minutes of dodging and chatter, I spotted Merry. He was no more than a fuzzy orange streak across the ground, but I recognized him just the same. What was he doing, running that fast, and holding a knife? He could hurt himself!

I sneezed, then cleared my throat. Odd… There was some sort of dust in the air, and it kindof tasted like bacon, or some sort of barbecued meat.

With an innocent, adorable, cute giggle, he buried the tip of his knife in the Witch King's boot, eliciting a grunt of pain from the wraith.

"Go Merry!" I cheered, forgetting for the moment that I was supposed to be angry.

He crumpled into a little ball of fluff and grayish cloak (except I was SLIGHTLY color blind, so who knew what color it really was), letting out a pitiful wail.

"Merry, nooooooooooooooo!" I screeched, diving towards my poor, innocent, adorable hobbit.

Unfortunately, I never reached him. Out of nowhere, something warm and heavy t-boned me.

What was this? The only thing (in Middle-earth, at least) that was warm, heavy, and falling out of the air was Denethor… but that couldn't be right, could it? The odds that Denethor would have fallen on the EXACT spot that I was at were miniscule, right? And Denethor would most certainly NOT taste like bacon, right? The thing that just hit me couldn't be his body, could it?

With a sharp crack, I fell back to the ground, smothered by the whatever-it-was (I was refusing to believe it was Denethor. I mean, it could just have easily been something Hunter threw at me to keep me out of the fight. Right?). The world spun sickeningly around me as I lost consciousness to the sound of Hannah yelling 'Die, potato!'

* * *

><p>AN from Hannah: Hey, look! Hannah's using someone else's story to get famous, because she's just such a mean person! Ahem. Yes, Hannah (aka Pants of Mirkwood) wrote a story about the Council of Elrond, and you should check it out!

A/N from Erica: I would just like to point out that, technically, this isn't my story but a story written by the both of us. With Olivia technically owning the rights to the idea. Ish. So, in a way, Hannah and I are just using Olivia's ideas to become rich and famous so that I can buy an Andalusian. All in a day's work, mon amie. All in a day's work... But yes, read Hannah's story or else Agents will implant a virus into your PC/Laptop/MacBook.

Well, maybe not your MacBook. They can't get viruses.


	50. Sydney 13

A/N: What happened? Why the large gap in chapters? Well... I joined Tumblr. And I think that explains it perfectly well.

My apologies to Hannah, who hasn't been able to write until I finish my two chapters. But Hobbits are dreadfully boring. Good thing I remedied that.

* * *

><p>Yet again, I asked myself why in the world I rode into battle. So much was happening! Erica and Hannah were busy fighting that… thing, Olivia was playing a sad tune on her fiddle over Theoden's body, weird green men vaporized around me, giant elephants stomped and smushed unsuspecting soldiers…<p>

"Maaaaw!" Lumpkins screeched, charging away from the scary dude as he spontaneously exploded. I clung on for dear life as we charged off to the right, in Olivia's direction.

The sudden appearance of a flaming body falling from the sky and crashing down on Olivia caused Lumpkins to jump, and, once again, gallop off in fear.

"Legolas!" I glanced up as I heard someone shout the elf's name nearby. One of the elephants was barreling down on him. Quick as a flash, the showoff climbed his way up the creature and proceeded to kill it, nearly crushing me and my pony in the process.

"Hey," I shook a fist in his direction, "watch where you're driving that thing, punk!"

The ghost men went about their killing sprees, happily singing some song I didn't know. Something about not giving people up? The number of remaining bad guys dwindled, until pretty soon they were all dead or had run away.

"Yeah!" a shout from behind caused me to turn around. There, Hannah's horse was standing, quite proudly, atop some sort of dead lizard thing.

"Who's your daddy now, Saphira?" he started doing some sort of victory dance, while Erica's Pegasus stood a few feet away on the ground, giving him a perplexed look.

Suddenly, a flying monkey swooped down out of nowhere and carried Sydney off into oblivion, because the author has the power to do that and has been stuck on this chapter for over three months because she finds Sydney's parts rather boring and uneventful. So, rather, this chapter has been switched from a hobbit's point of view to a pony's point of view.

I glanced up as some sort of flying, mutated animal-like creature carried my rider away. Huh. Now there's something you didn't see every day. Not that I minded much, she rode like a sack of potatoes anyways.

There were several mortal beings (oh, and that blond not-so-mortal one) scouting the dead bodies, though I'm not sure if they were looking for someone or just looting. Maybe both. An unidentifiable sound from behind caught my limited attention, and I watched as the mortal who resembled an aardvark scooped up the awful violin playing mortal from my earlier adventures.

Well, this was boring. With a shake of my mane, I trotted over to the other two equines on the field, maybe they could provide some insight in to the situation.

"Greetings, peasants!" I nickered in my most common-toned voice, "Could one be so courteous as to lend me an ear or an eye into our present dilemma?"

They stared back blankly. Figures. Their brains must have been too dumbed down after all these years spent with the Earthlings.

The winged one leaned close to the other, clearly intending to discuss the subject privately. "Is it trying to communicate with us? Can you understand it?"

"All I hear is this awful sounding 'maaaaaaaaw' thing," the non-winged one snorted in reply.

Worthless imps, they were.

Activity had begun to brew around the battleground. I listened as the blond not-so-mortal one wailed something about a Mithrellas, and was closely followed by the darker, sort of-mortal-like one (the one that really needed a shower) and the short one resembling a creature known as a sheep in other realms.

Well, regardless of their puny minds, I knew I was becoming weak with exhaustion and famish. I turned and trotted towards the rather sub-par city of theirs. Surely, they'd have food and shelter for such a valiant creature as I?


	51. Erica 13

A/N:...What did I just write? No, wait, you know what? I DON'T REGRET A THING. Because really the only ones reading this are Hannah, Olivia, some clearly confused people, and I.

* * *

><p>Ugh…<p>

Groggily, I pried my eyelids open, and started when my sight was met with a large, brown, equine eyeball staring back.

"Yo, boss!" Blackjack neighed, removing his face from mine, "you're awake! I knew they couldn't keep you out for long!"

As gingerly as I could, I moved to a sitting position, muttering, "Please stop screaming, I'd like to keep what's left of my eardrums in tact." I glanced around at my surroundings, ignoring my pegasus' apology. I was currently sitting on a raggedy looking cot, in some sort of barely furnished hut, with shelves stocked full of mason jars and other odds and ends and injured soldiers resting in other cots, similar to mine. Of the wounded, I spotted two familiar faces.

Hannah slept in her own little makeshift bed across the room, appearing rather content aside from a bandaged arm and the thoroughbred crowding her off of her mattress. Next to her, Olivia looked the worst of all the people in the room (and not just because she was Eowyn, although I'm sure that contributed to it). I wasn't sure exactly what her issue was, being that all she did to contribute to the battle was provide 'entertainment' and being crushed by a Denethor-chip.

Now, why was I here specifically? I didn't exactly _feel _on the verge of death, and as I glanced myself over, I couldn't find any injuries worse than a few scrapes or bruises.

Off to my right, an elder-looking woman entered the room, halting dead when she saw me. "You're awake, milady!" she screeched, darting over to fawn after me, asking me questions a mile a minute such as 'How do you feel?' 'Are you experiencing any sharp pains?' 'Are you allergic to penicillin?' 'How many fingers am I holding up?'.

"No, no, really, lady, I'm fine," waving her off with my hand, I attempted to stand, but was immediately shoved back down onto the cot.

"You mustn't move yet, milady!" the woman insisted, interrupting my protests. "Bed rest is what you'll be needing, yup!"

"Bed rest, bed schmest," I muttered under my breath. Five hours of sitting in this stuffy, dank, crowded room, and I swear, I really was going to die. Apparently, it had been an entire day since the battle, I had had spent the majority of it sleeping, according to the nurse lady from earlier. After forbidding me of leaving, and supplying me with a tray of assorted cheeses, she had left me to my own devices. I swear, she had some sort of alarm or something though, because the second I would move to stand, she'd come charging down the steps into the sick room to give me the stink eye.

Well, you know what? Screw her. I was really getting bored in here, and if my adventures throughout the past month had taught me anything, it was how to proficiently sneak away.

Boy, was I going to pay for this later. Doing my best to feign terror, I screeched, "Troll!"

Mrs. Grumps (as I had nicknamed her) scurried down the steps, hoisting a broom above her head as I pointed in alarm towards Hunter.

"He tried to eat me!" I wailed.

As the old lady charged at Hunter and began whacking the (for once) innocent thoroughbred with her broom, I took advantage of the momentary distraction, climbed on Blackjack, and galloped through the doorway out into the world.

It took my eyes a moment to adjust to the glaring brightness of the sun, mixed with the fact that everything was more or less built out of white stone around us. Minas Tirith, of course. The White City. Must've been hard to keep clean.

"You know, he's probably going to light the entire place on fire," Blackie mused as we slowed our pace to a trot. I was about to answer when my Pegasus threw his head up and came to a sliding halt, narrowly missing running over a somewhat dumbstruck looking guard.

"You idiot, just what-"

"You have a Pegasus!" he interrupted my insult, staring at Blackjack with some sort of awe. "I didn't think any existed outside of Gondor anymore!"

"Um, yeah, I-"

"Did you train him yourself?" he, yet again, cut me off.

I was about to show this guy just how much I liked being interrupted. "Yes, I did," I sighed, annoyance clearly tinting my words.

"Then you're just the person we need!" he turned excitedly with a childish skip. "If you'll follow me, please."

Well, he'd caught my attention, and I suppose I didn't have anything better to do, so I urged my mount into a walk beside him.

"If you'll pardon my abruptness, milady," he began, "my name is Beregond, and Lord Denethor had recently placed me in charge of one of our military units. They've proven to be…somewhat difficult, though, but it seems you've some experience in the matter."

We came to a stop in what I supposed were the Minas Tirith royal stables, though I hadn't actually seen them before. It looked to be a nice setup, a few stable rows lined along the highest level of the city, the Palace and Citadel off to our right, and a grassy courtyard situated in the middle of the barns. Several horses poked their heads out over their stall doors, along with who I recognized to be Arod, Brego, Windfola, Shadowfax, Firefoot, and Fatty Lumpkins.

I dismounted, going to stand beside Beregond. "I'll help in whatever way I can," I shrugged, "as long as you are NOT making me wear whatever the heck it is you call that outfit you have on."

He shot me a defeated look. "There was an idea, to bring together a group of remarkable Pegasi, so that when we needed them, they could fight the battles and protect the lands that we never could." Pulling out a megaphone-like horn, he shouted, "Gondorian Royal Pegasus Guard, assemble!"

Huh. A Pegasus Squadron. This would be interesting.

So we stood. And waited. In silence.

Eventually, I heard the tell-tale clippity clop of trotting hooves, and a second later a light grey (meaning white, but you can't call a horse white for whatever reason) Pegasus halted before us. He folded his wings, squared his stance, and lifted his head high, with a snort of "Sir!"

Slowly, more Pegasi filed out, until eventually, nine equines were lined before us. Beregond furrowed his brow.

"Something wrong?" I asked as he counted the Pegasi off.

Ignoring my question, he addressed the squad, demanding, "Why are there only nine of you? Where's-"

No sooner had the question left his mouth than he was harshly interrupted by the sudden blaring of music coming from who-knows-where.

"_Well I'm back, back, well I'm back in black, yes, I'm back in black!"_

Huh. Since when did Middle-earth have AC/DC, or any form of actual music in general?

I didn't have long to wonder before a seal bay Pegasus, only a shade lighter than Hunter, landed down in front of us with a showy flip of his mane and flare of his wings as he struck a pose. As the music faded out, I heard one of the Pegasi behind him snort in exasperation.

"You called, Cappy?" the newly arrived Pegasus quipped.

Beregond pinched the bridge of his nose in reply. "Just fall in line." As the stallion did so, the man turned to me. "You see what I have to work with here."

I nodded, scanning my eyes down the line of Pegasi. They had potential, that was for sure, but they lacked… "Incentive."

"Exactly," Beregond strode towards the first Pegasus in line, beckoning me to follow. We halted in front of the light grey stallion who had first arrived, and was still standing formally to attention.

He gave a quick nod, addressing Beregond. "Sir." I'm pretty sure that, if he could, he'd have saluted as well.

"Lady Arwen, this is Steve."

"Ma'am," Steve greeted, his blue eyes shining warmly. I nodded a reply, analyzing him in the process. He was tall, well built yet still sleek, and practically white. Impeccably groomed, with enough muscle to put even an Oliphuant to shame. Of all the Pegasi in line, he was the only one who seemed as though he genuinely wanted to be there, and he'd definitely had the most formal training.

Beregond, Blackjack, and I moved down to the next equine in line, the seal bay who'd made his attention grabbing entrance just prior. He was definitely a stark contrast (and this is the point where the author giggles at her joke that she knows no one else is likely to catch) to the stallion beside him, standing lazily and swishing his tail with utter boredom. He hardly even acknowledged Beregond in front of him.

"This is Tony," the Gondorian soldier introduced.

Tony glanced me over just as much as I did to him. He had about the same build as Blackjack, shorter and less muscular than Steve but still a well built Pegasus. His coat was a shade lighter than Hunter's, with more brown undertones than the fire breathing thoroughbred, a white star and snip marking his face, and his hair was a messy tangle of 'I don't really give a care'. What caught my attention the most, however, was the odd, circular device seemingly implanted into his chest, glowing a light blue.

"See something you like, babe?" Tony snorted, catching my stare. I chose not to respond, barely containing a chuckle as Blackjack's tail flicked him on the nose as we moved down the line.

I had to double take when I saw the next Pegasus.

"Lady Arwen, this is Bruce. Bruce-"

"Dude, why are you green!" my ever so tactful partner in crime blurted.

"Oh my GOD, Blackjack," I turned to him in exasperation, "You can NOT just ask someone why they're green!"

Bruce shuffled his hooves, looking somewhat uncomfortable as I glanced over him. He wasn't exceptionally tall or muscular, in fact, nothing was especially noteworthy about him, colour aside. Nonetheless, I flashed him a smile as we moved down to the next of the squad.

This Pegasus seemed to be enjoying himself. He was playfully and rhythmically swatting the Pegasus mare standing next to him, much to her obvious irritation. I wasn't sure if he was ignorant of her emotion, or just didn't care.

"Clint," Beregond introduced, "this is-"

"Touch me again, and you'll die," the mare beside Clint suddenly interrupted.

Clint snorted. "You wouldn't."

"Want to bet?"

"Children!" Beregon's reprimand startled the two out of their banter. "Behave, please. As I was saying, this is Lady Arwen."

I was already running my visual analysis of Clint. He was a fairly handsome stallion, buckskin with white socks on all of his legs except his front left and an elongated white star on his forehead, standing about as tall as Blackjack. His blue eyes shone mischievously as he once again swatted the Pegasus next to him.

The mare, whom Beregond had introduced as Natasha, retaliated with a swift tail flick of her own, whacking Clint with an audible _smack_. She was a deep, blood bay, the only markings marring her colour being a small star on her forehead and a sock on her left front leg. Though she was shorter and slighter than the stallions around her, I had a feeling from the annoyed glare filling her green eyes that she could hold her own just as well as the rest of the squad.

Now, the next Pegasus in line was a sight to see.

"Meet Thor," Beregond greeted.

This guy was a beast. He stood taller than any horse or Pegasus I'd ever seen, with even more muscle than Steve. As if his size wasn't enough, his coat was a brilliant dappled Palomino, with four stockings covering his lower legs and a blaze running the length of his face.

"GREETINGS, MY LADY," Thor bellowed. Well, his voice definitely fit his size.

"Hi," was all I managed to squeak back, before we shuffled off to the clearly unhappy looking Pegasus beside him.

"And this is Thor's brother, Loki."

Brothers? They looked absolutely nothing alike. Loki stood just barely shorter than Thor, his coat an unmarked blue roan. Though he was tall, he reminded me more of Hunter in the way he was so lean. I guess the one thing the brothers shared was an equally brilliant shade of blue eyes.

Following them stood the only other mare, this one being a tall, slight, dark liver chestnut with a streak on her face. Like Steve, she, too, stood to attention in a formal, military manner.

"Ma'am," she nodded to me as we approached.

I acknowledged her greeting as Beregond introduced, "This is Maria."

Beside her stood a shorter chestnut Pegasus, and if I didn't know any better, I'd almost say he was brimming with excitement. He was introduced as Phil, and we moved on to the final Pegasus of the bunch.

Yeah, it only took one look at that guy for me to decide I did NOT want to get on his bad side.

"This," Beregond motioned, "is Fury."

Fittingly named. He was solid black, and if he wasn't a Pegasus I would swear he was a Freisian. Huge, burly, with feet large enough to crush your skull, and he did _not _look pleased to be there. His eyepatch sparked my curiosity, but I determined it was probably not the best idea to ask him what happened.

Walking back to the front of the group, Beregond turned to face me. "So, would you be willing to turn this bag of miscreants into a full fledged fighting force?"

"Captain," I smirked, "it would be my genuine pleasure."

"Thank you _very _much, Lady Arwen! I look forward to your days of ruling ahead, and to see what you can accomplish with these beasts." With that, he strode away, leaving me with ten less-than-enthusiastic Pegasi to figure out what to do with.

First thing's first. They needed a swift kick to the rear to get their gears in shape.

In one fluid motion (which was fairly lucky, considering this wasn't exactly my best skill, and embarrassing myself in front of these guys wouldn't make a great first impression), I swung up on to Blackjack's back, and spurred him in to a trot, striding him down the line and back in a continuous ellipse.

"Let's get down to business," my voice rang out, switching to my no-nonsense 'Don't make me break your skull' tone I typically sported while dealing with the imbeciles of society from my other life, "to defeat the orcs. Did they send me weaklings, when I demand a force? You're the _saddest_ bunch I've ever met, but you can bet, before we're through, somehow I'll make a team out of you."

On the last note, I halted and stared each one straight in the eye. Some met my gaze, some nodded respectfully (okay, only Steve and Phil, but it was better than none), some refused to stare back. Right as I took a breath to continue into the second stanza, I caught sight of Hannah approaching on Hunter out of the corner of my eye. So, instead, I turned to her and waved.

"Glad to see you're awake!" I greeted as soon as she was closer.

Hunter looked about ready to kill me, and he probably would have had Hannah not been there.

"I'm on my way to the Citadel," Hannah responded. "You're coming to the meeting, too, right?"

Oh, that! I guess I'd been too busy with my new 'buddies', I forgot all about war discussion on creating a diversion at the Black Gates. "Of course!" I insisted, turning to follow Hannah and Hunter. There was no way I was missing that, if I did, I'd likely be left behind in Minas Tirith 'for my own safety'. Pfft, like that was going to happen. I was going to be on the front lines of that assault, and my Royal Pegasus Guard was going to be there right along side me, charging in to battle. I turned back to look at said squad. "And you, lot, you're coming to that meeting, too."

* * *

><p>AN: So, guess which movie I recently saw, fell in love with, dragged Hannah and Olivia to, and proceeded to see eight times? Okay, well, I saw it eight times, I only dragged Hannah there five and Olivia three times.

Actually, I've had this Pegasus Guard idea in my mind since the beginning. The only thing that changed in my plans were the characters, but I DO WHAT I WANT, THOR.

I should stop with these references.

...

Nah.

Songs hinted at/mentioned/referenced: Back in Black by AC/DC, I'll Make A Man Out of You from Mulan.

Horse Colour and Markings guide:

Light grey: Basically white. However, since most white horses have black skin, they're classified as grey. If they're white with pink skin, they're albino, which is a different colour set altogether.

Bay: A brownish red coat colour, with several variations, with the mane, tail, and legs from the knee down black in colour.

Seal bay: Practically black, except the coat (minus the typical bay black points) has slight burgundy tones showing through.

Blood bay: The coat is a red red colour, hence the name "blood" bay. Same black points still apply.

Chestnut: Pretty much brown, ranging from a light tan colour to a reddish brown colour.

Liver chestnut: Sort of a mahogany shade of brown.

Buckskin: Like a bay, except that instead of a red-brown coat, they have a golden/tan coat.

Palomino: A golden yellow colour, with a cream/white mane and tail.

Green: I have yet to see one of those.

Black: As it sounds. Black.

Blue roan: A bluish grey coat colour, with the same black mane, tail, and lower legs of bays/buckskins.

Markings:

Star: A white, usually circular or ellipse shaped mark on the horse's forehead

Snip: Similar to a star, except on the nose

Streak: A thin, white line going from the forehead to the nose (of course it's not a perfectly straight line, it curves and isn't usually symmetrical)

Blaze: A wider streak of white, usually covering the whole front of the face (from eye to eye) and reaching from the forehead to the nose

Sock: A sock is when the horse's leg is white from the top of the hoof up to just above the fetlock/pastern (ankle)

Stocking: Like a sock, except the white stretches all the way up to the horse's knee/hock.

I think those were all the markings and colours I mentioned in here?

Ehehehehehehe...


	52. Hannah 13

It's surprising how comfortable it is to lean against a thoroughbred's extremely bony ribcage while you sleep. It's also surprising how warm and safe it can feel, especially when that thoroughbred has a long, violent, fiery history. I snuggled up against Hunter, not conscious enough to A) remember the fight of Pelenor Fields, B) realize that Hunter wasn't waking me up with his breath, and C) be aware of the fact that Hunter was actually allowing contact without squirming and complaining that feels make him squeamish.

Unfortunately, that peaceful sense vanished as we were abruptly jumped by a shrieking woman with a broom.

"Milady, watch out! There's a troll in bed with you! Don't worry, I'll take care of it. Be gone, foul beast! Take this! And that! Ha! Hiya! Fus da ROOOOOO!"

Poor, confused Hunter just stared at her as she smacked and poked his rump with her broom. It wasn't until she landed a particularly nasty blow on his face that he got his bearings and tackled her onto the floor.

"FOOLISH MORTAL," he boomed, smoke pouring out of his nostrils, ears pinned flat against his neck, teeth snapping. "YOU DARE RAISE YOUR BROOM TO ME? I WOULD ROAST YOU LIKE A MARSHMALLOW ON A STICK! I WOULD DEVOUR YOU LIMB FROM LIMB LIKE A GUMMY BEAR, AND USE YOUR BONES TO PICK MY TEETH! I WOULD TAKE THIS BROOM YOU LOVE TO BEAT POOR INNOCENT HORSES WITH AND USE IT TO-"

"Hunter, leave her alone," I yawned, standing up and starting towards the two.

"No, you're not allowed to be up- erk!" She started to lecture, only to be cut off by Hunter biting the broom into splinters.

I ignored her, staring out the doorway into a dusty stone corridor. How long had I been out? Had I missed the march on the Black Gates? The hand that had stabbed the Witch King felt fine from what I could tell while it was all wrapped up in cloth.

"How long have I been asleep?" I demanded, turning back to the room, noticing a distinctively charred-looking Olivia on a bed. "And what happened to her?"

"Around a day," she squeaked, turning slightly purple under Hunter's weight. "She was hit in the head with Denethor's body."

Oh… that explained a lot. "Good, then I haven't missed anything too important… Have I?"

"Uh, no."

"Excellent. Then I'll just be on my way." With that, I swept out of the room, only pausing to sharpie a moustache on Olivia's face. "Elf out!"

Hunter and I wandered the stone cities (actually, I wandered and he stomped, muttering sulkily about crazy old hags), getting ourselves completely lost after about three steps.

"We should stop and ask for directions." My voice echoed eerily down the completely deserted street.

"Good idea," Hunter grumbled. "That pebble looks like he knows the place like the back of his hand. Be careful of that rock, though, he looks pretty nasty. Do you even know where you're going?"

"Yes. We're on our way to that one meeting in the Citadel… although if we're actually heading in the right direction is anyone's guess- ack!" I tripped over the 'nasty rock' and did what must have been a spectacularly hilarious acrobatic sequence of stumbling and flailing before I ran into a wall.

Hunter burst into hysterics.

I made the 'I'm watching you' sign at the rock, then resumed my lost wanderings. "That rock is trying to assassinate me."

He was too busy laughing at me to reply.

After five left turns, eight right turns, four dead ends, and two incidents where I was certain that the rock was following us, we turned up at the stables. Would I have wandered right past it without knowing that it was even there if Erica hadn't waved at me? Most definitely.

"Glad to see you're awake!" she grinned as we came closer.

"Thanks! I'm on my way to the Citadel. You're coming too, right?" I asked, elbowing Hunter when he muttered darkly to himself.

"Of course!" she said, then turned to a herd of ornery-looking pegasi and pointed at them excitedly. "And you, lot, you're coming to that meeting too!"

* * *

><p>With Beregond to give us directions that were simple enough for even a hobbit to understand, I only got us lost twice on the way to the council. Have I ever mentioned how bad I am with directions?<p>

So, when we arrived at the Citadel with our group of bickering Pegasi, the council was already in session.

"Hi! Sorry we're late," I grinned as we all crowded into the room.

"Mithrellas! How's you?" Legolas called, a giant smile on his face, seemingly unconcerned with the gaggle of pegasi that were infiltrating the council.

"I am fine!" I replied.

"You should be in bed," Aragorn advised.

"PLEASE don't start," Erica grumbled under her breath as she took a seat.

"Ahem…" Gandalf gave us a dirty look.

"Oh, right… Draw out Saruon's armies. Empty his lands. Then, we gather our full strength and march on the Black Gate." Aragorn continued where he had left off when we came in.

"I think I'd rather just cut the wire," Tony proclaimed.

"Tony, that made no sense in this context," Steve muttered.

Tony snorted. "I do what I want!"

"Hey! That's my line!" Loki snarled, a dangerous gleam in his eyes.

"CALM DOWN, BROTHER! 'TWAS MERELY A JEST," boomed Thor, giving Loki a nudge that sent the skinny Pegasus stumbling into Bruce.

Gimli choked on his pipe (Mwahaha, serves him right for smoking so much).

Eomer stepped forward, staring at Aragorn like he was crazy. "We cannot achieve victory from strength of arms alone!"

"Oh yeah? Well clearly you haven't seen Bruce fight…" Tony muttered. This time, nobody paid him any attention.

Bruce shuffled awkwardly and looked at his hooves.

"Not for ourselves… but we can give Frodo his chance if we keep Saruon's eye fixed on us. Keep him blind to all else that moves," Aragorn continued.

"A diversion!" Legolas and I blurted in unison, which immediately made me dissolve into giggles.

"Still more eloquent than Odin," Loki muttered.

"BROTHER! JUST BECAUSE FATHER OCCASIONALLY LOSES HIS TEMPER AND USES HIS BATTLE CRY TO END AN ARGUMENT DOESN'T MEAN THAT HE ISN'T ELOQUENT," frowned Thor.

"Thor, wordless bellowing isn't even his battle cry!"

"Certainty of death. Small chance of success," Gimli broke in. "What are we waiting for?"

"Okay, so here's the plan. We march up to the Black Gate, tell Sauron that King Aragorn is here to challenge him, and then fight like nobody's business until Frodo hauls his fat hobbit butt up Mount Doom and destroys the Ring." Aragorn explained.

"Okay, that's a great plan, except that it relies on hobbits," Erica pointed out. "What if we did the exact same thing, but make the person that destroys the ring more, I don't know, reliable?"

"You mean, like me?" Tony asked.

"Not quite what I was thinking…"

"You want to let a horse take over the greatest threat to all life on Middle-earth?" Eomer demanded.

"They're not just horses! They're the Royal Pegasus Guard!" she argued.

"And I'm going to be involved, so there's no way it could go wrong!" Tony added.

"I think it's a great idea," Aragorn broke in.

I started thinking out loud, because that's just what I do. "Who would be the one to go, then? They'd have to be fast, plus able to be incognito while everyone else fought. Fury would be most useful on the battlefield, since he's good with giving orders and fighting… The same goes for Steve… Tony probably couldn't handle not being paid attention to for any length of time… Thor could probably get to Mount Doom quickly, but he does incognito about as well as an elephant with a blowhorn… Bruce probably wouldn't handle the stress too well, plus he's more fitted to being on the field… If Loki went, he could use his magic to conceal himself, but I don't know if he wouldn't just take it and hide it somewhere that nobody- Sauron included- could find it… Clint or Natasha could easily go, they're both ninjas… so could Phil and Maria."

Thor broke into loud chuckles at the part about his brother, who looked as though he might be seriously considering it.

"I think Tasha, Clint, Phil, and Maria should go," Erica put in. "Phil and Maria could get the hobbits out of Mordor, while Clint and Tasha got rid of the Ring."

"Sounds good to me!" I agreed. A chorus of 'Verily,' 'ok,' 'alright,' and 'it would be my genuine pleasure' sounded with me, along with several boring old 'yes's.

Gandalf was staring at me, completely lost.

"Excellent. We have some serious stuff to do," I grinned.

"I think you might be right about that. Come on! Let's go!" She hustled the Pegasi out the door, throwing a look at Aragorn as she did.

"Sweet!" I rose to leave, then remembered that I had no idea how to even get out of the main citadel.

Legolas must have sensed my dilemma, because he stood as well. "I'll escort Lady Mithrellas."

Oh, so this was how it was going to go down…

Behind us, Aragorn left, claiming that we were going to move out in an hour, then rushed off after Erica.

Legolas held the door for me, and we began walking in a direction that probably led to somewhere, but where it actually went was beyond me. Of course, Hunter bumped into me as he trotted past, claiming that he was going to socialize (coughcoughterrorizecoughcough. Excuse me, I think I might be coming down with something) with the Pegasus Guard.

"I'm glad you're okay," Legolas started. "That was quite a stunt you pulled with the Witch King. Is your arm all right?"

"Yeah, it's fine." I replied, fussing with the bandage that I had forgotten was there. "So, where are we going?"

"The armory."

"Why?"

"Your knives were dissolved by the Witch King, weren't they? I thought you could use a new pair for this fight… unless you want to fight with a broadsword." He wrinkled his nose.

"How thoughtful! I would love a new pair of daggers!" I cried.

We chatted as we made our way to the armory, catching up on all the things that had happened while we'd been apart. Once there, he helped me pick out a wickedly sharp pair of dragonglass knives. I dubbed them Feels and This, using Tumblr terms.

When we emerged, soldiers were scurrying around, preparing to leave for their Distraction.

Legolas frowned at them. "I guess I'd better go help."

"And I think I should go see what Hunter's up to, I haven't seen him in almost ten minutes!"

"And nothing is burning or destroyed?"

"I don't think so… This must be some sort of record!"

"Amazing!"

There was a beat of silence, and then out of the blue, Legolas kissed me on the cheek before ducking out the door before I could react.

That violated about seventeen of my rules about contact with human beings.

… maybe I could let it slide just this once.

Once I was certain that the beet red color of my face had faded into a more normal, non-lobster shade, I left the room and stalked the soldiers until I ended up at the gates of Minas Tirith. Everyone important was already there, so once I was on Hunter, we left. Hunter fell in step beside Blackjack and Erica, the Royal Pegasus Guard just behind us; naturally, the fire-breathing horse bumped into everyone- horse, dog, human, chicken, wagon- within his reach. Why is a chicken coming to Mordor with us? Because logic, that's why.

* * *

><p>AN: For you petty mortals who haven't read Game of Thrones, Dragonglass is similar to Obsidian, but stronger and more deadly to zombies and monsters.


	53. Olivia 13

I think I'm swearing off barbeque for good. Seriously, being asleep with pieces of burned Denethor in your hair is enough to make even an adorable little hobbit lose their appetite for meat.

When I woke up, I found myself tied to the bed with an elderly woman pointing two halves of what used to be a broomstick in my face.

"You think you're getting up? Think again! I fell for your friends' tricks, but there's no way I'm going to let you do the same! I'm watching you like a hawk!" she screeched, poking me with the handle.

"Um…" If she was talking about my 'friends,' that meant that Erica and Hannah had done something completely evil to her. Maybe it would be best if I just denied ever knowing them… "You mean those two elves who were here earlier? I don't know them, noooo I don't."

I backed up my completely convincing words with a wide-eyed look of innocence.

She screamed and ran out the door, running into Faramir in the process.

Ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh it's Faramir! Act natural!

He stared at me. "Are you all right?"

ASDFGHJKL HE SPOKE TO ME. "Yeeeeeeeees, I'm absolutely wonderful! Why wouldn't I be? I'm fine, yeees!"

"Well, you look like you're in pain… and you're tied to the bed."

"WHAT? No, I'm all ri- I mean, yes! I'm so depressed! I have Denethor all over my hair, and I didn't even get a crack at the Witch King!" I moaned, remembering how Faramir had acted like Eowyn's shrink in the books.

"I'm sad too. My father's dead, and he never loved me!" he said excitedly, coming to sit by me and untying the ropes. "By the way, you have something on your face."

"What? Where?"

"It almost looks like somebody used ink to draw a handlebar moustache on you."

"HANNAH!" I frantically tried to scrub it off.

"Who?"

"I mean… ANGST!"

"SO MUCH ANGST!"

"FEELS!"

"SO MANY FEELS!"

"You know, I feel like we really understand each other," I sighed, giving up on getting the moustache off.

"I feel like that too," Faramir agreed. "Hey, want to watch the armies march off to their death?"

I owled him. "You mean they already left? Nobody told me! I wanted to go!"

"Now Eowyn, I know you're hurting, but there's no reason to throw away your life."

Repressing the urge to roll my eyes, I jumped up and sprinted to the balcony, where I could see the army marching off into the horizon, a giant cloud of dust billowing behind them. "Dangit."


End file.
